Changes and Choices RM
by DSLoveAlways
Summary: Set in season 3 after RM break up...basically follows the rest of their senior year. : Read and review, please. Years later...I know I never finished and I'm so sorry to those who read this. Marissa dying just ruined everything. I lost inspiration.
1. Ryan's Confusion

Hey guys…I'm writing a new story.. Its present time…focuses mostly on my couple (R/M), with some Fantastic Four moments in the mix. See how it goes…if you like it, please review!

**Chapter One: Ryan's Confusion**

"**_We're from different worlds…"_**

"…_**That's not true."**_

Ryan stirred awake in bed…those words echoing in his ears. Sun streamed through the glass doors and shades of the pool house, into his sleepy blue eyes. He rolled over onto his back and sat there for a few minutes…staring at the ceiling…slipping slowly into madness.

"**_I'm not like you…go."_**

His words kept playing over and over. Events revisiting his mind…twisting his thoughts and breaking his heart more and more. What'd he do? He and Marissa were done…again, and Ryan tried so hard to move on with Sadie…trying to make her his new priority and have fun with her instead of always having to worry while in a relationship. He had to worry about Eddie and Chino with Theresa, Caleb being a jerk to Lindsay and deciding whether she was a girlfriend or aunt to him, and with Marissa…well what didn't he worry about with her?

Sadie seemed so simple. She didn't judge Ryan off the bat and he liked that about her. But there were still some things that Ryan couldn't resolve…the fact that he hadn't spoken to Marissa in days, she hadn't come to his birthday party, and now how Summer was coming to him saying she was worried about her best friend's behavior.

Everything was too up in the air. What was Sadie to him? How long would she even stay in Newport? What was going on with Marissa that Summer was so worried about…or couldn't handle on her own? Ryan laid there for what seemed like forever and just thought about what was happening in his life. He was 18 now. He was a senior in his second semester. College time was fast approaching.

Every one and everything he knew in Newport would be leaving him soon. Seth and Summer were most likely off to the East coast...and Marissa…well he didn't even know. A world filled of new people with new emotions and lifestyles would be spilling into his normal routine, and to be honest…he was scared. He would be the outsider again…and he wouldn't have Marissa there to pull him back and make him feel better. He didn't think he could leave that behind. His comfort…his safety….even if it was always him doing the saving in the relationship anyway.

They had never officially talked about college plans. Just the fact that they were going and both applied to Berkeley. Ryan didn't know where else she had applied…if she even wanted to go to school with him anymore after everything that happened. A break up of theirs was never this hard. Never this awkward. Never this…real.

Ryan sat up in bed, ran his hands over his face and through his hair…looking around the pool house aimlessly. What was he going to do until college? He and Sadie hadn't talked about it. He couldn't open up to her about what was bothering him…not yet. Everything was still new. Why lay foundations of pressure when they weren't needed yet? Ryan knew he needed to do something soon. He needed to decide what he wanted. And more importantly…_who_ he wanted.

The first few chapters are short. Mostly just introductory. But as it goes on they get longer and longer. No worries.


	2. Breakfast Blues

**Chapter Two: Breakfast Blues**

Ryan walked into the main house, showered and fully dressed for the day. Seth was up, standing over the kitchen island in his bath robe and pajamas, with his coffee, bagel, and Leisure Section in hand. "Hey man…good morning." Seth said,, raising his coffee cup in Ryan's direction. All Ryan could mumble was a measly "hey" in return. Seth set down his mug and paper and leaned into the island. "I take it things aren't better with you and the ladies…yet another love triangle in our midst?" he asked, locking his fingers craftily. Ryan didn't lift his head from the counter…just sat and poured his cereal, grunting along with Seth's comments. " Come on man…" Seth pleaded. "You're 18 now. We're supposed to be having fun at times like these, not beating ourselves up over girls. "

Ryan sighed and flopped his spoon around in the milky cereal. "Being 18 just wasn't all I thought it would be." he said, disappointment evident. "Well it's kinda hard to judge it already." Seth stated. "Your birthday was last weekend." Ryan shrugged and nodded, smacking the back of his spoon atop the crunchy goodness. "I know-I just…" Seth reachd to pat Ryan's arm in an encouraging manly manner. "Dude, being 18 will be awesome!" he said, trying to hype up the excitement a little. "You can uh…live on your own…you can-you can vote!" Ryan just looked at Seth and rolled his eyes. Voting was probably the last thing he could or wanted to do right now. He can't even chose between girls to date…how would he pick some one he wanted to run the country for every one else? Seth leaned back, defeated. "Alright well, since you're so talkative this morning…Summer and I are gonna go to the diner for lunch today and you're coming. No objections…we're putting some more Seth/Ryan time in the books along with a little Seth/Summer/Ryan time. That'll be fun, right?" 

Ryan stared at his cereal. "Right? …Buddy?" Seth held. "Okay, I'll meet you down here in a few minutes so we can hang out. I'm just gonna go get dressed…" Seth took another sip from his mug, set it down on the counter and turned the corner to walk up the stairs. When Seth reached his room, he sat on his bed and surveyed the situation that was completely engulfing his friend. He had never seen Ryan this way before…so upset and confused. Seth knew how Ryan felt about Marissa. He could see it; sense it in the air whenever they were in the room together. They belonged together. Plain and simple. But who was he to decide who Ryan should date? As much as he wanted the fantastic four to be together forever, he knew Ryan was doing this for a reason...just one not he nor Summer could understand. Seth sat for another minute and sighed. He glanced over at his bedside table where Captain Oats was stationed and picked him up.

"When did things get so complicated, Oats?" he asked, shaking his head. " I remember the days when it was just you and me…" Seth placed Captain Oats back in his normal spot and leaned back against the head board of his bed. He picked up his cell phone and dialed, putting the phone to his ear and waiting for a reply from the other end. " Hey, it's me." he said, when the receiver muttered a lazy hello. "I uh- I was actually hoping you could come over a little early." he said, tilting his head so the phone would rest between his ear and arm. "I need your help."


	3. Round Two

Chapter Three! Whoo. Reviews please.

-Bri

**Chapter Three: Round Two**

"Alright, Cohen…I'm here. What's the big issue?"

Seth looked up to see Summer standing over his bed, her hair in a messy bun and her outfit wrinkled. He grimaced, looking her up and down. "What happened to you?" he asked, planting his hands to pull him up against the headboard. "You called me frantic saying you needed my help so I figured it was urgent." Summer explained. "I grabbed some clothes and sped here…just to see you sitting in your bathrobe with Captain Oats…Cohen, what's this all about?" Seth stared at the plastic horse sitting in his palms. He moved over onto the side of his bed and patted the comforter next to him as a gesture for her to sit down. Summer slid her purse off her shoulder, placed it on Seth's nightstand, and climbed onto the bed with him. He sighed and held her close. "Didn't you see him when you came in?"

Summer shrugged and shook her head. "See who?" Seth ran a finger over his curls. "Ryan..." he muttered, swallowing in sadness. Summer let her chin rest on his shoulder blade. "I walked passed him on the way up here but he didn't answer when I said hi." she explained. "I figured I should just leave him alone until we all went out." Seth nodded but lightly smacked his thigh in frustration. "I've never seen him this way Summer…and I don't know what to do to make him feel better." Summer patted his stomach and grunted with his debacle. "I really don't think there's anything we can do about this." she said. "Just be there for him and Coop and hope things go back to normal soon." The sat silently for a few moments, secretly thinking about how much everything sucked. It wasn't all that bad the week before, but now we're talking end of the world, locust and horned beasts bummer. "How's Marissa doin'?" Seth asked, hoping for some kind of break in the drama. "Probably a lot better than Ryan is." Summer shook her head and looked down at Seth's feet. "I um- I actually haven't talked to her in a few days…she hasn't come home and she won't return my calls. Her mom and I are getting really worried."

"Oh God…" Seth groaned. "See this is why none of us can break up. We're a mixture of friends and family…once it gets weird between two of us, it's all over for the rest." Summer picked up her chin and tilted her head to see his whole face. "That's not completely true." she said. "I know things are weird between Ryan and Marissa right now but that doesn't mean things will get weird between us…or our relationships with them." She paused and furrowed her eyebrows in sudden hesitation. "At least I hope not…" she added. Seth licked his lips and sighed with her apprehension. "I can feel it starting." he said. "Ryan didn't say more than two words to me this morning and you haven't talked to Marissa in days…" Summer took Captain Oats from Seth's hands, replaced him on the table, and took his now empty hands into her own. "Cohen, it'll be okay." she cooed. "You'll see. This isn't the first time this happened. Ryan and Marissa break up…she disappears, he broods, and then once they get it out of their systems everything goes back to normal." Again, she paused and formed a smile. "Not that anything around here ever is normal…"

Seth cracked a smile with her and ran his thumb up and down her fingers. "I know." he said. "I just…this time feels different somehow." Summer laid her head on Seth's shoulder once again as they sat there in silence…completely distraught with the current chaos that was their life. They were supposed to be the best friends. The ones to go to when something happened…who would laugh it off and talk about how they're better off without them. That's how it was supposed to be…with every other relationship anyway. Seth and Summer knew that wasn't the case with Ryan and Marissa. They weren't better off. Just look at the two of them now that they're broken up. Messes. All there lives became messes over these people. Why were they doing this? Why were they avoiding something both of them wanted? Why were lives messier in this particular break-up compared to the others? Seth and Summer knew there was only one thing to do now. Clean up the mess, put hearts back together. They'd done it before…now here came Round Two.

Summer lifted her head and sat up straight, one leg hanging off the side of the bed. "You want me to talk to him?" she asked, trying to give Seth a break. "I mean since I can't talk to Marissa I might as well give Atwood a try." Seth nodded, giving her thigh a pat before she got up from the bed. "Good luck with that." he muttered sarcastically. "That stare of his is chilling." Summer rolled her eyes and hit Seth with a pillow. "Get up, get dressed. You look like crap." she said with a look of disgust. "We're supposed to be the positive ones, not the ones who sulk in bathrobes." She gave Seth a wink and walked out of his room, closing the door and walking down the stairs. She didn't know what she was gonna say to Ryan…she didn't want to blatantly tell him that Marissa was missing, but also didn't want to say there was nothing to be concerned about.

Rounding the corner at the bottom of the stairs, Summer walked into the kitchen expecting to see Ryan in the same spot she last saw him; slumped forward on the counter, his face almost buried in a cereal bowl. Seeing that he wasn't there, Summer walked through the kitchen, into the living room and halls. "Ryan?" Silence. "Okay…I guess you're in the pool house." she mumbled to herself. Summer walked into the kitchen again, opened one of the back doors and walked outside onto the Cohen patio. The sky was warm and blue, the sun shining; the sound of waves crashing in the distance behind the yard…how could such beautiful weather come out of the gloom surrounding the household?

Reaching the pool house, Summer still doubted whether she should have Seth come with her to do this. It was weird talking to Ryan about her best friend and his…ex. Deciding this was the only way to get her point across, Summer took a deep breath and reached her arm upward to knock on the pool house door…


	4. Talking and Telling

**Chapter Four: Talking and Telling**

Ryan sat on his bed in the pool house. He really wasn't in the mood to go out with Seth and Summer. Not now. There was too much to think about, and seeing the two of them still together, all cutesy, would make his stomach churn and his heart ache even more because he was alone. He wasn't comfortable enough with Sadie yet to bring her around the house and he knew it would just be awkward for the four of them to sit at the diner in silence. Ryan lay back on his bed...once again staring at the ceiling. He'd been doing that a lot lately. In a way, the ceiling mirrored what he was feeling. Emptiness. Staring into the plain white surface made it easier to think. Only when he sat and stared was Ryan tranquil. Content. In his own little world, lost in thought.

Ryan was snapped back into reality when there was a small knock at the door. He sighed and grumbled, rolling over the side of the bed and getting to his feet. "Not now Seth..." he yelled with a groan. He shuffled to the door while talking to the person on the other side. "I'm really not in the-" He stood back, opening the door with surprise when he didn't see Seth staring back at him. "Oh, sorry Summer...I thought you were Seth." he explained. She nodded and gave a small smile. "Hey, Ryan." she said in a quiet tone. "Um...can I come in?" Ryan scrunched his face in question as to what she wanted, but opened the door fully after a second of though. "Uh, yeah...I-I guess." he muttered. He moved aside and let her walk in ahead of him before closing the door and turning around to face her. He could sense that she was nervous and it was making _him _nervous. He returned to his place on the bed and gestured for her to sit on one of the chairs across from him. "Oh, thanks." Summer said, smiling and sitting down. She ran her palms over her thighs, trying to think of what to say first. Ryan looked at her and waited for her to say something...what did she want?

After moments with nothing said, Ryan shrugged to himself and wish in his mind that she would get on with it. "Uh, Summer? You mind telling me what this is all about?" Summer's eyes were glued to the color tiled rug. "Hmm? Oh, right." she said, closing her eyes and shaking all other thought away. " Sorry, I'm just kind of distracted." Ryan smirked and nodded. " I can see that..." Summer sighed and sat forward in her seat, smacking her hands together with her future proposal. "Okay, listen Atwood." she said, her voice the complete opposite of what it was. "I know you're upset and everything ,but I'm sure Marissa is the same way." she said. "You two need to talk. Clear the air. Avoiding each other and sulking at home is not going to solve anything." Ryan nodded along with her advice. " I know that, Summer. " he stated flat out. "But what am I supposed to do? We only- wait...did you say you're sure she feels the same way? You haven't talked to her?" Summer paused, closing her eyes with regret of her speech. Ryan continued. "I figured you'd be the first one she'd run to..."

Summer sat back and looked to the opposite wall, knowing she had to explain herself and face Ryan's inevitable freak out. "Yeah I um...I actually haven't seen her in a few days." she explained. " I know she was upset and um, she hasn't come home and now she's not returning my calls. Julie and I don't know what to do." Ryan let out a frustrated sigh and smacked his lips together. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" Summer fiddled with her finger nails, not knowing how to explain herself to someone with such a temperament for all things Marissa Cooper. "I don't know Ryan, because I get calls from Seth telling me he doesn't know what to do to help you..." she said, desperately trying to not look like the bad guy. "Neither of us has ever seen you so upset before and so I figured I'd cut your losses and not give you something else to worry about." Ryan shook his head and ran a hand over his mouth. This is different Summer... No matter what's going on with me and Marissa...if she's missing we have to do something."

"Of course, but this has happened before , Ryan." she said. "She's different for a few days and then comes home. Trust me...just give her time." Ryan licked his lips and scratched the hair on his head. "Do you know anywhere she might be?" Summer paused and thought, trying to remember other places Marissa would run to in times when they grew up. " Uh...usually when she's upset she sits at the lifeguard stand. But she knows that's the first place we'd look. " Ryan's hope faded with her last comment. "I don't know..." Summer held. "She was hanging out with that Volchok guy last weekend, that's why I came to you before. I don't really trust that guy and I'm afraid Coop might do something stupid." 

Ryan looked at the ground, then back at Summer. He got up, walked across the room and through the pool house doors, not saying anything else and leaving Summer sitting by herself. Summer got up and followed Ryan onto the patio, through the backyard and into the main house. "Ryan where are you going?" Again, silence. Ryan walked through the kitchen and then jogged up the stairs, into the hallway, as Summer followed close behind, confused as to what he was doing. Ryan continued walking, reaching Seth's room and opening the door. Seth, now dressed, was startled as Ryan barged in with Summer behind him, a worried look planted on her face. "Hey man...what's going on?" Seth asked. Ryan held out his hand and gave Seth a stern look. "I need the car keys..." Seth reached over and grabbed the Range Rover keys from his desk, before handing them to Ryan. He glanced over and Summer and they shared a look of confusion. "Okay, why? Seth asked.

"I need to find Volchok..."

Now it's getting good...lol. Please people...please review. I like comments. They motivate me more to write.


	5. Venturing for Volchok

**Chapter Five: Venturing for Volchok**

Ryan walked down the pier, looking around, searching for Volchok. Even if Marissa wasn't with him, Ryan wondered if maybe he knew where she was. He continued down the pier, searching faces and looking for greasy, blonde, tattooed men...anyone he could recognize from Volchok's crew. He rounded a corner and walked down the boardwalk in the direction of the beach. In the distance, Ryan could see abuch of guys, shirtless and holding surf boards. He stopped and eyed them...and then continued walking in their direction. As he approached the guys, they all turned and looked at him. "Uh, hey..." Ryan said somewhat nervously. "I was wondering if any of you guys knew where I could find Kevin Volchok? I kinda need to talk to him."

The guys turned and parted...revealing Volchok, who was sitting in the sand with his board. "Well lookie here boys..." he jeered with an eerie grin. "You come for a rematch?" Ryan stood up straighter and faced Volchok with a blank face. "No, I was looking for Marissa." he said, peering past Volchok to check if she was anywhere in sight. "Of course you were." Volchok muttered, his grin still plastered on his tanned mug. "Well sorry man, but I haven't seen your girl too much lately." Ryan sighed in defeat and shifted in desperation. "This is important. Okay?" he said, trying to reason with him. "I really need to see her." Volchok mashed his lips together and shook his head. " Why? 'Cause _she _obviously doesn't wanna see you..." Volchok got up from the sand, dusted off his knees and walked his board over to the side of the beach where he leaned it against some rocks. Ryan followed. "Look, I know you've seen her so if you cold just tell me where she is I'll leave you alone." Kevin shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "No can do." he simply stated. "I promised her I wouldn't, after all." His smile appeared again in a cheesy asshole kind of way, angering Ryan further. "Volchok please!" he yelled, fists clenching. "I need to see her." He let himself relax and tried to keep his cool. "Please..."

Volchok sighed and looked away, squinting into the sun and taking a drag from his freshly lit cigarette. "I don't know what's up with her, dude." he said, blowing smoke away into the wind. "She came to see me last weekend at this house I work at and she was acting really weird." Ryan breathed through the smoke blown in his face, listening to his story and wondering whether or not it were true. "How so?" Volchok took the cigarette away and held it between his fingers. "I don't know...we were talking and then she just got really dazed, started looking around and then fainted and fell down the stairs." Ryan's eyes bulged at the thought, not even wanting to imagine her hurt after something like that. "W-Well is she okay?" Volchok shrugged and brought his smoke back to his lips. "I guess...her wrist was pretty messed up." Ryan looked away and half-spoke to himself. "Why would she do that?" He turned back to Volchok. "What'd you do to her?" Volchok got defensive and leaned back against the wooden rail of a beach fence. "I didn't do anything...I asked what it was all about and she said something about the house. That she was there with you the night it burned down or something..."

Then it hit him. The Model Home? Everything came rushing back to him again. His first night in Newport...the end of the driveway...running away...fighting Luke..._"I thought you were leaving." ... "I can keep a secret." "Here's a little bit of everything." "This song reminds me of you..."_ Everything came rushing back. All the happy memories of him and Marissa talking by the pool while Seth skateboarded, bike riding across the pier, eating at the diner...all of those feelings had returned. "Dude, you okay?" Volchok interrupted. Ryan snapped back from his daydream. This was crazy. He never thought he'd ever hear of _the _Model Home again. It held so much history, so much pain inside its walls. "Yeah...yeah I just uh...never thought I'd..." Volchok shook his head and blew more smoke. "Yeah, don't really feel like hearin' the back story." Ryan shook it off and went back to the issue at hand. "Right...so where is Marissa now?" Volchok looked at Ryan and gave his cheeky grin, undoubtedly trying to bust his chops. He kept staring at him with squinted eyes and took another drag from his cigarette before putting it out and blowing the smoke in Ryan's face. Ryan coughed, but continued shooting his death glare.

"You gonna tell me or not?" Volchok licked his lips and shrugged. "MMM...what's in it for me?" Ryan looked down and snickered. He should have known Volchok wold never help him with anything. " Fine. Forget it." He turned on his heel, giving Volchok one last dirty look, hating this guy even more for being a complete you know what...Ryan walked back to the Range Rover, got in and drove away, leaving Volchok feeling proud of himself. He nodded to his friends, picked up his surfboard and walked up the sandy hill to where his van sat. Volchok opened the sliding door, threw his board in the back and got in.

"What took you so long? I figured you'd be right back."

"Yeah, sorry." he side, slamming the doors of the van shut. "I got sidetracked." Volchok reached under the seat in which he was sitting and retrieved a bag of coke, already tightly wrapped into individual joints. He gestured the bag to the person beside him. "Wanna blast off?"

"Yeah, whatever..." 

Volchok leaned back in his seat, smiling as he and Marissa got lost in a cloud of smoke...


	6. Angry Atwood

**Chapter Six: Angry Atwood**

Seth and Summer sat hand in hand in the Cohen's living room. They both looked dumbfounded with "what just happened?" looks on their faces. Ryan freaked out… wouldn't even let Summer finish what she was saying. Neither of them knew what the heck Ryan was gonna do if and when he found Volchok…or Marissa. What would he even say to her?

Seth and Summer both shuddered thinking about how awkward that moment would be. After breaking up over the phone, not seeing each other in over a week and not talking about anything…avoiding each other at all costs. How would Ryan even approach her to talk? "Uh...hey Marissa, come home so I can ignore you some more" Everyone knows that Ryan isn't the greatest guy with words…Marissa even said so. That was the problem. Communication. There was not enough communication in their relationship, if there was any at all. Whenever something happened with these two, they'd just push it under the rug and try and avoid their feelings until it all blew up in their faces.

Seth snuggled into the couch, relaxing and basking in boredom. "So…" he mumbled with a sigh, trying to start conversation. Summer exhaled loudly and rested her head on her knuckles. "So…"

"Well what did you say to him?" Seth asked, playing with Summer's nail polished fingers. "I said he and Marisa needed to talk…and that I haven't seen her since the break up." Seth bulged out his eyes in surprise, releasing her hand. "You told him that!? I thought we agreed we'd wait for Marissa to come around? Oh, Summer you knew he'd freak out like that!" he went on desperately. "I'm sorry Seth." Summer responded defensively. "What was I supposed to say? Me and Ryan don't usually chat it up after he and Coop break up…I'm always with her and it's up to you to do the consoling." Seth turned his head and rooled his eyes in an angry huff. "I tried to make it so he wouldn't freak but you see how well that worked." Summer finished.

"I guess." Seth said, turning to see Summer's upset expression. "Sorry, I'm just kinda worried about him, you know?" he asked, voice lighter and appethetic. "He's been through a lot with Marissa lately and I don't want him to do something stupid." Summer rubbed his shoulder and gave him a reassuring half smile. "I know you don't…which is why you're his friend." she said. "Everything will blow over. Just give it time."

Suddenly, Ryan came busting through the front door, huffing and puffing, obviously furious about something. He walked straight threw the living room and kitchen, leaving the door open and not even glancing over at Seth and Summer. "MMM…that can't be good." Seth muttered. He and Summer got up from the couch, turning in Ryan's direction. Summer went to close the front door and Seth followed Ryan out the back doors and across the patio. Ryan threw his jacket on one of the chairs in the room and sat on his bed, putting his head in his hands. He as so annoyed with Volchok, he couldn't even see straight. Seth appeared in the door, his lanky arms leaning against the side of the molding. "Hey man...I take it things didn't go too well?" Ryan look at up at Seth with angry eyes. No, things went great…that's why he came stomping through the house in rage. Summer walked into the room quietly, not knowing what was going on, just standing next to Seth. Seth continued with his questions, despite Ryan's angry glances. "Did you get a hold of Marissa? Or see her?"

Ryan picked up his head fully. "No, I found Volchok though…but he wouldn't tell me where she was." Seth and Summer both looked down at the rug, their hope fading as Ryan's did. "I really hate that guy." Summer mumbled under her breath. "Yeah well …I doubt there are many people that don't." Seth added, leaning his back on the opposite wall. Ryan shook his head and look up to the ceiling. "I really just wanna kick his ass…" he said, stating the obvious. He sat for a moment, but then had an idea. "Maybe I can beat it out of him." he suggested, almost completely serious. Seth grinned and nodded, crossing his arms. "I'd like to see that, but I don't think that's the way to go." He looked over to his girlfriend. "I think you should just do what Summer said and wait for Marissa to come around."

I can't do that guys…" Ryan chimed in. "I can't just sit around and wait for that. God only knows what she's been doing with Volchok." Summer let her hands hang from her pant pockets, only her thumbs buried inside. She took a step forward, temper flaring with the conversation. "Well, I don't see why it's your problem anymore. You broke up with her, remember?" Ryan looked at her now, caught off guard by her sudden input. "That doesn't mean I don't care about her, Summer." he retaliated angrily. Seth moved to stand half-way in front of Summer, blocking her from getting any closer to Ryan. "Whoa, whoa…we know." Seth said, calming everyone down and turning toward Ryan again. "We just find it kind of odd that you couldn't care less a few days ago and now you're going all old school Ryan Atwood." Seth looked into Ryan's eyes, trying to lighten up the situation and play the best friend role assigned. "Look man, we get that you still care about Marissa." he went on. "She is still your friend even if you're not together…but what are you gonna do about Sadie?"

Ryan twiddled his thumbs and leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees at the edge of the bed. "I don't know…I have to think about everything." He rubbed both hands up and down his face, falling back on the bed so his legs hung off the edge. "Why don't you guys just go to lunch without me?" Summer took Seth's hand as she took a step backward. "You sure?" Ryan put a hand behind his head. "Yeah, I'm gonna rest my eyes for a while, try and calm down so I don't go and break Volchok's face." Seth chuckled and led Summer to the door. "We'll bring you back something." he called. "Yeah feel better, Ryan" Summer said as they closed the door.

Ryan stared at the two of them as the door closed. He pulled himself up to lay back against the pillows, trying to relax and hoping to fall asleep. Marissa was obviously trying to avoid him. She asked Volchok not to tell anyone where she was. She hadn't come home. Hadn't talked to her mom or Summer. Hadn't come to school. Ryan hadn't seen or heard from her since their break up over the phone. Ryan sat and thought…and thought. Seth and Summer were right in a way. Why did he care so much? There were obviously still angry feelings toward Marissa…why would he break up with her if there wasn't a reason? He should just say 'to hell with her' and try to move on with Sadie. Sadie was a great girl; Ryan felt a connection and attraction. He thought that he should just clear his head and give her a call. 

He picked up the phone and stared at it for a few seconds, finally setting it back in the charger and laying back down. He wanted to be sure with his decision first before making his feelings official. Ryan was lonely. He wanted some one who would treat him nice, care about him and be there for him no matter what. That's how Marissa used to be before all of this confusion. She used to be some one who he could turn to for everything. What happened to that Marissa? She had changed somehow. Ryan liked how Sadie said she'd always listen to him. He could relax with her and have fun with her. But Ryan knew that Sadie wouldn't be around forever. She would leave him just like everyone else. Why get attached just to get his heart broken once again? He knew she had a life back where she came from. He knew she still had school, her jewelry business, her family. She would never be there for him forever, never be there as an escape from his past. She'd never help him get away from Seth or make him forget about his brother.

She would never be Marissa Cooper…


	7. Getting Them to Meet

**Chapter Seven: Getting Them to Meet**

Seth and Summer sat in their usual booth at the diner, quietly eating their short stacks. Even though it was lunchtime, pancakes supposedly made everything better in the OC. Seth shoved a fork of pancake into his mouth and exhale loudly as he struggled to chew. Syrup dripped from his chin which he quickly licked away once he swallowed a bit. "So that was eventful." he said with mouth full. Summer nodded, cutting her meal in little pieces. "Yeah, if I were Ryan I would've knocked Volchok's lights out." Seth grinned and pointed a finger, trying his best to look remotely tough. "Yeah, so would I! I'd-I'd…teach 'im! " Summer rolled her eyes and pushed Seth's hand down, shaking her head and looking at him pathetically. "You'd teach him all the ways to make you crumble to the ground." Seth mocked her facial expression and made a high pitched laugh. "Oh, zing…that was good." he said turning back to his plate.

"I feel bad for Atwood though." Summer continued. "I think we should do something nice for him. Make him feel better, you know?" Seth cut into his pancakes some more and set down his knife. "Like what? Make him dinner? Buy him wife beaters?" Summer shrugged. "I don't know…throw him a party maybe?" Seth grunted and took a sip of his water. "You think a Newpsie party will fix his depression?" Summer shook her head in question. "Who said I'd invite Newpsies?"

"Well who else are you gonna invite? His only real friends are you, me, and…well you know. " Seth said. "And it's not like Ryan would want a lot of people around when he finally does see Marissa…if he ever does." Summer leaned back in the booth, her suggestion shot down. "I guess you're right." The two continued eating, moaning aimlessly in satisfaction from their pancakes. Seth finished and sat back rubbing his bloated stomach. He watched Summer continue to chew and raise her eyes up to the ceiling. She played with her fork a little and was obviously thinking about something. Summer then dropped the fork on her plate and looked at Seth with a huge smile and bugged eyes. He looked behind him thinking she was looking at something…then glanced back at her wondering what was up. "What?" Summer grinned from ear to ear. "Cohen, you are a genius!" she screamed in excitement. "I know…" he said. "But why?"

"Ryan won't want to see Marissa with people around, so we have to come up with a plan to make them meet in private!" She explained her idea, feeling proud of herself. "Okay, but how are we gonna do that if we can't find her?" Seth asked, again salting Summer's game. "Well w-oh, yeah…damn." she muttered, leaning back again. "It's okay." Seth said. "That would have been a fool-proof plan if we knew the location of a certain Cosmo girl…" Summer pushed out her bottom lip and crossed her arms, a look of sadness on her face. "Cohen, I miss her." she said with a sigh. "I'm kinda getting sick of you." Seth pushed his plate away and let his hands rest on the sticky table. "That happens often." he said, looking around for a waitress. "I know, but that's why I need Coop." Summer stated. "I used to hang out with her so I could get energized for all your psycho babble and comic book reference vernacular."

Seth looked back at her, jaw slightly dropped with surprise. "Good word…" he complimented. Summer looked away from Seth's obvious impression. "Yeah well, my thesaurus is like the new Bible." she explained, tossing her napkin onto her half-empty plate. "Right." Seth said. "You wanna go? I feel bad leaving Ryan home alone." Summer nodded and slid halfway out of the booth. "Maybe we can all go to the Bait Shop or have a video game marathon tonight or something. Ryan will like that." Seth stated as he moved. Summer got to her feet and grabbed his hand, pulling him up. "I think you'll like it more than he will…just get the check." she said, looking around for their waitress.

After ordering a pancake meal to go for Ryan, Seth and Summer exited the diner into the cool Newport air. The pier was more crowded than usual, the lunch time buzz attracting hungry surfers. They zigzagged their way through, Seth leading Summer passed all the people, hoping to find their way back to where they had parked. Seth held the pancakes in one hand and Summer's hand in the other. They continued walking until Seth felt it hard to pull Summer along. He stopped short and looked at her, wondering what made her stop walking. Summer was looking straight toward something. Her face dropped and she lost almost all color in her face. Seth followed her gaze to whatever she was looking at…there on the side of the pier stood Marissa, leaning against the railing and looking out towards the water. Her clothes were dirty and wrinkled, her hair knotty, her eyes makeupless and blood shot. She looked completely drained and out of it…like she hadn't slept or eaten anything in days.

Seth and Summer just stood there watching…as more and more people passed before them, making Marissa disappear from view for just seconds at a time. Marissa turned to her side, standing up straight and releasing the mettle guard rail. Her eyes fell to the groups of people, two motionless figures standing mere feet away, gawking at her. She didn't move, or even change her facial expression. She just stood as they did…being the odd man out in their two against one staring contest…


	8. Unexpected Visitors and Unexpected News

**Chapter Eight: Unexpected Visitors, Unexpected News**

Ryan was awakened by knocks at the pool house doors. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, then moved off the bed and walked to the door. He figured it would just be Seth, dropping off his food and trying to think of more ways to cheer him up. He was surprised to see Sadie standing in front of him. "Hey." she said, nervously waiting for him to let her in ...or even say something back. "Uh, hey. Hi" Ryan stuttered. "W-What are you doing here?" Sadie slid her hands into her jean pockets. "I wanted to talk to you." she said. "Can I come in?" Ryan moved aside letting her walk passed him. She noticed that the bed wasn't made so she sat down on one of the pool house chairs. Ryan returned after closing the door, straightened the blankets on the futon and sat down. His nap made him feel better, but now his stomach was flip-flopping. What was he supposed to say to Sadie?

"Did I wake you?" she asked, seeing him rub the sleep from his eyes. "Don't worry about it." he informed. "I was just resting my eyes until Seth and Summer came back." The room was silenced again. "So, uh..." They could both sense the growing awkwardness. "You're wondering why I'm here?" she asked. Ryan slowly nodded "Kinda." he said. "Not that I don't like that you are." Sadie ran her hands down her thighs, stopping at the knee and getting down to business. "Look Ryan, I'm just gonna come right out and say it." she started. "I like you okay? I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't." Ryan's stomach flip flopped more as she went on. "I need to know how you feel about me because right now...we just keep going around and around stuck in this stupid triangle." Ryan shook his head urged forward slightly. "No, Sadie. It's not like-" She stopped him. "Ryan don't." she said. "Don't make it seem like this surprises you...I know you still have feelings for Marissa. If you didn't then this wouldn't be a problem."

He sat across from her, defeated and surprised even though he knew his feelings were apparent to all. "Sadie come on." he complained. "I'm sorry. I'm really trying, ya know?" Sadie sighed in frustration and regret. "I'm sorry too." she said. "I'm sorry that we rushed into such a serious thing so soon." Her face was blank, completely serious in her speech, her eyes burning through him. "Yeah, but...I mean the other night was..." She interrupted him again. "Fun?" Ryan nodded. He did have fun with Sadie. But it was a different kind of fun. She made him happy, but he felt comfortable and awkward at the same time with her. Was he just using her to get over Marissa? They _had _rushed into things. Ryan hadn't slept with some one so soon since he'd been in Newport...except Theresa of course but that was a different story. He waited two whole years to consummate his relationship with Marissa...and now he made it seem like nothing with Sadie.

"Yeah, yeah." he stuttered again. "I'm just..." He stopped, trying to form the right words and not look like a complete jackass. "You're not ready, I get it." she said. "But you seemed pretty ready the other night." Ryan's eyes fell to the floor. "I don't know what to say." he said, vulnerability evident in his voice. "You don't have to say anything yet." she informed. "But I don't have time to sit and wait for you anymore. You need to decide what you want, and soon. I can't stay here forever, Ryan. I really need to go back home...I've been here too long already. The only reason I would stay is if-" He finished her thought. "...Is if I chose you?" She moved forward slightly and touched the back of his hand. "Just let me know." she said, reaching up to rub his head. "I can try and make this work but if you don't want it...I'm gone."

With that, Sadie got up and walked to the door, taking one last look at Ryan. He looked at her and nodded, telling her that he'd think about it. Ryan knew Sadie wanted a relationship. He thought he wanted one too. But after everything...he just wasn't ready for this yet. He really liked Sadie, but didn't want to lead her on anymore.

Seth walked into the pool house, looking over his shoulder and then at Ryan, who was still sitting at the end of his bed, holding his chin in his palm. He was deep in thought and didn't even pay attention to Seth wafting the smell of pancakes in his direction. "Hey man, brought you back a little something." he said, holding out the styrofoam container. "Was that Sadie I saw walking out of here?" Ryan looked up at Seth with a straight face, took his pancakes and placed them on the bed next to him. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her", Ryan finally stated. "She came here to basically tell me I had to chose immediately between her and Marissa. She said she'd give me time to think about it but I have to make a final decision soon." Seth sat in the chair that previously held Sadie. "Well what'd you say to that?"

Ryan looked at the ground, shaking his head in confusion. "I don't know...I agreed to think about it but I don't know what to do." He paused, putting a hand under his chin. "I keep making stupid mistakes and I'm just digging myself deeper." Seth nodded and smacked his lips together. "Well sleeping with people you pretty much just met tends to have that side affect." he said, leaning back as Ryan gave him a death glare again. "I mean, I know I told you to go for it with Sadie...I just didn't think you'd sleep with her so soon." he sustained. Ryan threw himself back on the bed, running his hands over his face to shield his head ache from the light. "Neither did I...we didn't plan it, it just happened." Seth nodded, but squinted his eyes with Ryan's last plea. "Sex doesn't really just happen." he said. "There's always stuff leading to it and then a fair amount of nakedness involved."

Ryan rolled his eyes and exhaled, pulling himself back up to sit straight. "I just need to think about everything. Sadie...and Marissa." Seth crossed his legs and ran a finger across his hairline. "No offense, man. But haven't you given this thought already?" he asked, assuming it didn't take so long to know his plan. "I mean you obviously had to feel something for Sadie...and obviously lacked that something with Marissa or else you wouldn't have broken up with her in the first place, right?" Ryan gaped at him, the advise giver who right now was just being hypocritical "...Says the guy who never chose between Summer and Anna, right?" Seth closed his eyes and dropped his head, pointing a finger at Ryan. "Good point." he muttered, letting his leg drop from his knee and back down to the ground. "I guess...it just seems like since I haven't seen Marissa or talked about anything, she's always there in my head." Ryan said. She's been gone for over a week..."

Seth bit his lip and figured now was the time to spill his Marissa's sighting. "Umm, yeah...about that." he said. "After Summer and I ate, we sort of saw Marissa on the pier." His news jerked Ryan's attention. "Was she alone?" he asked, anxiety breaching. "Yeah she was just standing there...she saw Summer and me looking at her and then just took off." Seth explained, knowing Ryan wouldn't like the fact. "We lost her in the crowd so Summer went to look for her some more. She couldn't have gone far." Ryan listened and sighed. "Why would she run off like that?"

Seth shrugged. "I don't know, I guess she just didn't want to talk to us yet." he said, stating his honest opinion. "Maybe this is like what happened after she found out about her mom and Luke. She probably just wants you to be the one to bring her home."

"I doubt that." Ryan said. "I'm probably the last person she wants to see right now." Seth got up and stood in front of the futon. "You never know." he mumbled walking past Ryan toward the door. "Look man, you and Marissa need to talk, you need to figure out how you feel about Sadie...make everything easier for yourself." He pointed behind him with his thumb, no standing in front of the open door. "I'm gonna go back and find Summer."

After Seth left, Ryan continued playing the "What if?" game. What if Marissa really did want him to find her? What if he and Sadie were supposed to be together? What if he couldn't chose and everything stayed this horrible? Ryan had to make a decision sooner or later, and Sadie had pretty much made the decision that it had to be sooner. Ryan picked up the phone, hesitating whether or not he should do this. Shaking off all thought, he dialed and put it to his ear waiting for response from the other end.

"Hey um, I really need to talk to you...about everything."


	9. Trying Not to Feel It

**Chapter Nine: Trying Not to Feel It**

She sat alone, once again staring out at the ocean; in complete silence...complete darkness...complete inebriation. She took another swig of alcohol, and stared blankly before her at the crashing waves as the burning liquid coursed down her throat. She felt nothing. The burning sensation was nothing to her anymore...even though it had such strong after effects. She loved that. The emotionless presence that she had become was just wasting away on the beach…and she loved every second.

This is all she had been doing lately. Sitting...drinking...losing herself in depression and tears. The beach and ocean had become her new best friends. She was ready to be engulfed in those huge waves of black. Darkness, calmness, shallowness. That's all she felt...and staring into the darkness made it easier to think things over. Only when she sat and stared was Marissa tranquil. In her own little world, lost in thought.

(I used to same line for Ryan in chapter four...lol ;) ) 

She'd been trying to keep herself busy, trying not to think about Ryan, or her mom...or anything. She hadn't spoken to Ryan or Summer in days...and only exchanged a few "I'm not coming home's" and "Stop calling me's" with her mother over the phone. She just needed time. She would go back home eventually, once the pain was remotely bearable. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. How would she go home and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't? What was she supposed to say to Ryan...didn't he like Sadie anyway? For now all she needed was the quiet.

And Volchok...

He was her new escape...just like how Ryan as in the beginning. Only she didn't sleep with Ryan right off the bat. He was too special for that. Marissa liked that Volchok was nothing to her...and she was nothing to him. She could have a good time with him without all the baggage of a relationship weighing her down. He was just her new quick fix. Her new escape to run to that would make everything disappear.

Every night when she was done wallowing, she'd stumble across the pier and find Volchok with his buddies, drinking and smoking as usual. She'd either hang out with them, drink some more, or smoke some pot, or Volchok would lead her back to his van where she'd just pass out all together. Every morning she'd wake up not remembering anything...and that was the part she liked the most. She didn't have to wallow over the night before, or the night before that. Every night was a new adventure, a new dark haze of highness, a new escape...

She tried cocaine for the first time only recently. It was a bad night...with everything that happened with Ryan and not being able to talk to Summer about any of it. She didn't know what else to do. The coke made her feel different...lighter than air. And plus it was there for the taking. Marissa had heard of the effects of it...and she was desperate to feel something like that. It was fun for a while but really wasn't her thing. She figured she'd just stick with the drinking for now.

Vodka always did the trick for her. It made all the pain wash away...emotional pain anyway. But the one fault was that it never lasted very long. It would always wear away after a short amount of time...just like Marissa knew Volchok eventually would. She knew what she was doing wouldn't last forever...which is why she was just taking it all in. Living in the moment, waiting for the pain to subside so she could go home and pretend to be okay...

Marissa dreaded going home...not only be cause of her mother and Dr. Roberts but because she'd have to see Ryan and Sadie together. Marissa could tell that Ryan liked her, and knew something would happen between them as soon as she and Ryan were done. It was only a matter of time. She knew she wasn't making Ryan happy, and figured she should just be out of the picture for a while to let him find happiness with some one else, like Sadie. She loved him enough to let him go, but hated herself for letting all of this happen. Why had she been so stupid? Why did she always do this when she and Ryan were together? Why couldn't she talk to him and trust him like she could with Johnny? She once again broke his heart..._and_ hers.

Marissa took another long swig...and then another. The night was young and she was already tipsy. As she sat, she could see a dark and blurry figure approaching her. She just sat and watched as the figure came closer and plopped themself down next to where she was sitting in the sand. "Hey", Volchok muttered as he made himself comfortable. Marissa looked at him and smiled, giving him a sloppy drunken kiss and saying hi in return. He reached into his leather jacket pocket and retrieved his tube of crack and flask. He laid the drugs next to his leg, and unscrewed the cap of his flask, taking a long drink.

The two sat in silence, on the sand with their flasks . "I wanna toast", Marissa said, raising her flask to him. Volchok looked at her like she was crazy. "A toast? To what?" She swallowed more of the burning liquid and let out a long breath, looking up to his blurry features again. To heartbreakers", she answered. "Heartbreakers?" she nodded and urged the flask forward further. "Yeah...let's make a toast to people falling in love...and giving their hearts away just to get them broken." She paused and blinked away the light breeze. " A toast to all the people out their who make breaking hearts look like nothing...because it's easier to break a heart than to have yours broken." Volchok tilted his head with a kind of humored confusion. "Uh...whatever you say, I guess...to heartbreakers." 

Volchok raised his flask to meet hers, they clanked, and both of them put their flasks to their lips. Volchok took a small sip and looked over at Marissa, who was completely downing her whole bottle. She closed her eyes and swallowed over and over, lifting up the flask vertically so all of the liquid could slide down her throat. All she wanted was to feel numb again. She didn't want to think about anything anymore, didn't want to deal with it. She was just trying to escape once more...trying not to feel it.  
"Damn, girl..." Marissa finished her flask, twisted the cap back on, and looked at Volchok. "Let's get outta here..." Volchok nodded. "Sure, we can crash at my friend's place tonight." 

Volchok got up and put his hand out for Marissa. She took it and he pulled her up. They both started to walk up towards the parking lot. Marissa stumbled along and finally her knees buckled. "Whoa, hey...you alright?" he asked, only a hint of concern in his voice. "Yeah, yeah... I'm fine." she insisted. Kevin held her hand tighter. "Just take it easy." He walked ahead of her slightly. This chick was way too dramatic for him to handle. he hadn't told Marissa of his little conversation with Ryan, hoping that he could bask and gloat the fact that he could now manipulate Marissa into anything. He knew it was a venerable time in her life, and he would use her in any way to get back at Ryan.

Marissa stumbled hurriedly, trying to catch up with Volchok. He kept walking, lighting a cigarette and taking several puffs. Once he reached the parking lot, he shifted, turning in the direction of the car. Behind him he heard a loud thud, and then several grunts coming from Marissa. Looking behind him, Volchok could see her passed out in a ball on the concrete. "Great..." he said, walking over to her. He looked down at her and lightly tapped her arms and face. "Hey...Marissa? Hey..." He sighed, looking from his truck to Marissa, his truck to Marissa...wondering what he was supposed to do with her tonight.


	10. Steve's Place and Surfer Dudes

**Chapter Ten: Steve's Place and Surfer Dudes**

Marissa woke up with the hugest head ache she had ever had. She finally opened her eyes and squinted, looking at her surroundings and slightly picking up her head. She was on a dirty couch in the middle of a dark room. There were beer cans and clothes everywhere and it stunk of skunked beer and smoke. Where the hell was she? She pushed her body upward, groaning as the room spun and her head throbbed. She rubbed her eyes and yawned then realized there was a thick bandage taped to the side of her forehead. "What the-?"

"You fell pretty hard, ya know?" Marissa looked up to see Volchok, leaning in the doorway. She looked at him confused. "What are you talking about? Volchok moved from the doorway and picked up two unopened beer cans from the floor, offering her one as he sat down next to her. "No, thanks", Marissa said. Her head ache was almost unbearable. She couldn't even think about drinking right now. Volchok nodded and popped open his can, taking a large gulp. "Soot yourself…how's your head feelin'?" Marissa wrinkled her nose and groaned. "Not good…why do I have this on it anyway?"

"I don't know what happened…" Volchok said. "We were walking to the car and I guess you just passed out. You hit your head pretty hard on the pavement." Marissa closed here eyes sighed through the pain. "Great…" she groaned. "Well thank you for taking care of me." Volchok shrugged. "Yeah well…you were bleeding all over my truck." Marissa frowned and nodded. She stretched her legs and sat back. "Where are we by the way?" Volchok looked around the room. "Aw yeah, this is my friend Steve's place." he told her. "He's never home lately so he said I could come by whenever I needed a place to crash…nice ain't it?"

Marissa just awkwardly smiled and nodded at Volchok's question, quietly lying to herself. She looked around at the room. It was completely disheveled and disgusting. She felt gross and dirty from sleeping on the couch and the smell was just making her even more nauseous then she already was. She missed sleeping in a bed, taking showers on a daily basis, and eating actual food whenever she wanted. She had gotten even skinnier, and her complexion was a mess. She was always pale and she permanently had dark circles under her eyes.

"Alright listen", Volchok stated before finishing off his beer, crinkling the can, throwing it on the floor, and standing up to stretch, "I told some of my boys I'd meet them down at the pier. There's some kind of big surf event today and I gotta make an appearance. You don't have to come if you don't want…you could just uh…hang out here."

"No!", Marissa practically screamed, "...I mean no, no I'll go." She'd do anything to get out of there. Volchok nodded, belched, and held his hand out for her to take. She pulled herself up slowly, the room spinning around her. She held on to Volchok's hand tighter and stepped into her shoes. He looked at her strangely, sensing she wasn't feeling well. "Hey, you okay?" Marissa's stomach started to gurgle and she let go of Volchok's hands to clutch her head and middle. "Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick…"

Marissa ran around the corner, searching for Steve's bathroom so she could vomit…not that the smell or look of it would really bother him if she threw up right then and there anyway, by the looks of how he lived. "Down the hall, to the left", Volchok called to her as she ran around the house. He smirked and kicked all the debris at his feet as he heard Marissa cough over and over, then finally flush the toilet. She emerged from behind the wall, hugging her stomach and making a sour face. Volchok looked at her and half smiled, "Feel better?" Marissa nodded and said yeah. She didn't feel better…she felt worse, but would do anything to get the hell out of Steve's place. "Let's go", she said as she carefully picked up crusty and ripped shirts, finally finding her jacket and slipping it on.

The Newport air was warm and breezy, the sun was shining and there were smiling faces every which way. So why did Marissa feel so crappy? She and Volchok had reached the beach and she was once again greeted by sweaty blonde men with surf boards. She had met Steve for the first time…and he was as gross as his place. Marissa stayed as far away from him and the other guys as possible, standing close to Volchok as he sat on the sand and started polishing his board. Marissa awkwardly sat close by as the surf competition got underway. She silently watched while a bunch of guys went into the water, taking waves then completely wiping out. The announcer called out name after name, and continued to stammer out surf lingo that Marissa couldn't understand.

She heard Volchok's name being called and watched him run out into the ocean, his body glistening with water and sweat. Yeah, he was hot. Really, really hot. She watched him catch several waves, clapping for him as others did until he finally wiped out, disappearing into the ocean. The announcer read out his scores and everyone cheered as he walked up onto the beach with his bored, toothy grin on his face. He approached his friends first, giving them pounds and high fives here and there. Marissa sat still until he finally glanced over at her. She smiled at him as he swaggered towards her. "Pretty good, huh?" Marissa half smiled. "Yeah, you were awesome…" Volchok squinted through the sun, picking up a hand to wave at someone in the distance. "Well I can see that you're bored, and I don't have another go for a while so why don't you just take a walk." he said, half looking at her. "I can catch up with you later."

Marissa looked around her…she _was _really bored and there was nobody here that she really wanted to chat it up with. She agreed to walk around. Giving Volchok a quick kiss, she got up, dusted her bottom off and started down the beach. She slowly walked down the sand, enjoying the scenery…smiling slightly as she passed people who were just hanging out. She stopped and observed four people, who were laughing and chasing each other down the beach, the boys tickling the girls as they ran away shrieking. Her eyes welled up as she thought of Seth, Summer…and Ryan. It was like last summer all over again. She missed times like that, when they could just be silly and have fun together, without the weight of break ups and college on all their shoulders.

Marissa finally broke her stare and kept on walking. She weaved her way onto the pier where she observed the diner and thought about getting something to eat. Maybe some food would make her feel a little better. But who was she kidding…she was broke. Had nothing with her, after all. She finally felt claustrophobic with all the people surrounding her, there for the surf competition. Marissa squeezed her way to the side of the pier where she just stood and looked out over the water. She daydreamed again about they happy days of last summer. She and Ryan were just getting things together after what happened with Trey, her father was back, and for the first time in a long time…Marissa was actually happy. Now everything she felt last summer had gone away once again. Her father left and Ryan didn't want her anymore.

She looked down at her hands and closed her eyes, not even noticing all the noise anymore, just getting lost in her daydreams. Maybe if she thought hard enough, she would find herself back to last summer, when things were even remotely good again. Marissa sighed, opening her eyes again, knowing that it would never happen. She told her father to never come back, and she knew that she could never speak to Ryan again in the state she was in. Marissa finally turned, thinking she would go back and find Volchok.

She was surprised to see Seth and Summer standing there only a few feet away from her…both of their mouths open, staring at her the same way she had stared at Steve. Like she was the most disgusting creature they had ever seen in their entire lives. She didn't know what to do at that moment. A million emotions began to wash over her. Pain. Fear. Sadness. Panic. She didn't know what to say to them…they just continued to stare back at her…until she took off running down the pier.


	11. Please Come Home

**Chapter Eleven: Please Come Home**

"Cohen I'm gonna go after her…go back to the house, drop off the food and meet me here later!" Summer yelled at Seth as she ran after Marissa. "Okay…good luck!" Seth yelled back, standing there in the mess of people with the pancakes. This was gonna be hard to tell Ryan…

"Coop, wait!" Summer screamed as she ran through all the people, chasing after her best friend. "Marissa! …Stop! Will you just talk to me!? Stop!" Marissa just kept on running, not even looking back to see Summer, panting and angry. As they rounded a corner, a large group of people moved between them, causing Summer to stop her running and wait for them to pass. "Come on people…yeah that's right, move it!" Summer yelled as she pushed a girl out of the way to squeeze through against a wall. She moved swiftly, continuing to push and bump into people, not really caring about anything at the moment except catching up to Marissa. She stopped, bending to put her hands on her knees and breathe. She gasped and went on her tippy-toes to try and see her through the crowd. She turned, looking in circles…Marissa was nowhere in sight.

"Damn it!" Summer yelled out of frustration. She walked back and leaned against a wall, taking out her cell phone and dialing Seth. "Hey, it's me," she said as he picked up. "I lost her…I was running and I guess I just lost her in the crowd." She explained, panting in short breaths. "I don't see her anywhere." She held the phone to her ear, her breaths steadying as she looked both ways down the pier. "Uh…okay well I'm in the car." Seth said. "Let me just drop the food off with Ryan and then I'll come and help you look some more. She couldn't have gotten far right?" Summer got on her tippy-toes again, trying to see passed tall heads for any sign of her friend. "I don't think so." she said. "I mean how far could she go?"

Seth turned the wheel of the Range Rover, guiding the car up another street. "Just keep looking." he said. "Check the Bait Shop, the beach, the diner…wherever you think she would go." Summer sighed and glanced over to her right…where she saw Marissa in the distance, looking around nervously and trying to sneak further down the pier without being noticed. "Right…Cohen, I see her. I'll call you later. Bye." Summer shut her phone and jogged over, grabbing Marissa's arm before she could get away. "Oh my God, Coop…why are you running away?" Marissa grimaced at Summer who was squeezing her arm and looking at her angrily. "Just leave me alone, Summer." she commanded, trying to loosen Summer's grip and walk away again. "No…you need to talk to me right now." she said, turning Marissa back around and standing in front of her so she couldn't get away. "We've been worried about you for days, where have you been!?"

Marissa struggled against her friend. "It doesn't matter." she mumbled. "Just let me go." Summer planted both hands on Marissa's shoulders, pushing her back and pinning her against the railing that surrounded the Bait Shop. "Marissa, stop it." she yelled. "I'm your best friend and I deserve to know what the hell you've been doing." Marissa hung her head, almost ashamed at herself for being yelled at this way. Summer saw her remorseful expression and loosened her grip. "Coop…" she said quietly, letting go completely." Just come home. Your mother is a mess, I'm lonely at the house…and Ryan misses you." Marissa looked up to meet Summer's eyes again, caught off-guard by her last statement. Ryan missed her? Why would he miss her after she was such a jerk to him? "…he does?" she asked with happy curiosity.

"Of course." Summer confirmed. "Coop, no matter what, together or not…Ryan will always care about you. I know it may seem like he doesn't, but trust me, he's worried about you." Summer reached up a hand to graze Marissa's forearm. "You look terrible…" she said, chuckling to herself."Come on, let's have some lunch, my treat, and then I want you to come home." Marissa smiled and nodded, thankful to have such a bossy best friend. Summer led Marissa to the diner, where they sat in their usual booth and ordered some burgers. Summer only merely picked at hers since she had just eaten a short stack with Seth. Summer watched Marissa scarf down her burger, laughing slightly at the sight before her. "Jeez, Coop…take a breath." Marissa looked up at Summer, still chewing. Her cheeks turned a pail shade of crimson and she ducked her head with embarrassment. "Sorry…I'm just kind of hungry." she said. "As you can see, I haven't really eaten much."

"Yeah…what've you been doing?" Summer asked with sincere interest. "Better yet, where have you been staying?" Marissa placed the remainder of her burger on the plate and began to twist a fry between her fingers. "I've uh…I've been around." she said. "You know…" Summer shook her head. "MMM, not really." Marissa looked down at her plate, hesitant in being honest. "Me and Volchok have kind of been hanging out." she said, tilting her eyes upward to see Summer's reaction. "I've been staying in his van or at his friend's place." Summer nodded, looking away in anger. "I knew it." she huffed. "I knew that guy would be back to mess things up." Marissa looked at her defensively, her eyes narrowing. "Summer, he's not that bad." she argued. "You don't even know him."

"Marissa, look at you!" Summer went on. "He's obviously not a good influence." Marissa scoffed and rolled her eyes at Summer, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat. "I know I sound like your mother right now but…you need to come home." Summer said. "Take a shower, eat real food…finally talk to your mother and Ryan. You know it's for the best." Marissa paused and stared down at the table, but then looked back at Summer, shaking her head. "I can't come home, Sum." she said. "Not yet. And what am I supposed to say to Ryan anyway? You should have heard the way he talked to me when we broke up. It was like he was smiling on the phone because he was free of me." She pursed her lips and looked down again, picking up another fry to twirl. "I do nothing but bring him down." she muttered, her voice low and full of sadness. "Just let him be happy with Sadie…"

Summer slipped a hand atop the table, sliding it over to touch her friend's. "But he's not happy, Coop." she stated. "He's too busy worrying about you. And to tell you the truth, I talked to him and he didn't seem all that into Sadie." Summer raised her eyebrows, giving Marissa a sense of hope that was soon shot down. "Summer, she was part of the reason we broke up in the first place." she said with disagreement. "You can tell that he likes her." Summer bit her lip and gave in. "Fine he likes her." she said, awaiting Marissa's sorrowful sigh. Summer squeezed her hand. "But he _loves_ you." Marissa's eyes found the table again as she thought about what Summer had said. If Ryan loved her than he wouldn't have broken her heart, right? She shook off that thought. Of course Ryan loved her. He had to. He was the only person in her life who actually showed that he did. But then why did they break up? Why did he like Sadie? Why didn't he ever say it back when she said she loved him?

Everything was so confusing, so crazy. Sandy was right when he said love was crazy. Her relationship with Ryan had changed her life in so many ways. Things had been so intense since he showed up at the end of the driveway. He had brought her to life…showed her what people were like outside of the Newport bubble and the life she'd always known. Everything was perfect with him…and now look what had happened. Look at all the pain she had caused. Look at how she messed things up with Ryan yet again. "Coop…Coop?" Summer called. "Earth to Coop…" Marissa snapped back into reality, finally hearing Summer's call for her. "You done?" Summer asked, gesturing toward Marissa's plate. "I wanna grab the check. I'm supposed to meet Seth in a minute. " Marissa nodded and shoveled a few more fries into her mouth. Summer flagged down the waitress, paid for their burgers, and then escorted Marissa out the door and onto the pier.

People were clearing out around them. The surf competition had ended. Summer took her cell phone out of her purse and dialed Seth, checking to see where he was. As it rang, she could hear Seth's ring tone go off nearby. "Hey" he called as he opened and closed his phone, walking toward Summer and Marissa. He stopped in front of them and replaced his cell phone in his pocket. "Did you guys eat?" Summer nodded and smiled as Seth put his arm around her waist. "Yeah thanks, Sum." Marissa said, turning to her. "Can we just go to your house? I kinda wanna shower and lay down for a little." Summer took Seth's hand and led him along. "Yeah…sure." she agreed. "Come on, Cohen."

The three of them walked down the pier together, down to the Range Rover. Summer and Seth shared a look, relieved that they had Marissa with them. Now they could breathe again knowing she was safe. Marissa sat awkwardly in the back seat as Seth and Summer fought over a radio station and giggled all coupley in the front. She sat there, nervously fiddling with her hands as they drove. She figured she could just call Volchok later and explain what she was doing. Not that he would care or even notice she hadn't come and found him after he was done surfing. Marissa breathed heavily, knowing that this was the moment she had come to fear the most. What was she supposed to do? Her appearance embarrassed her. What would her mother say about her? She wanted to go home, but just wasn't ready to face it all. Face her mother…school…and the dreaded "talk" she and Ryan desperately needed to have. She squeezed her palms together and took a deep breathe, sighing to herself and straightening her clothes and hair as the car pulled into Summer's driveway…


	12. Sooner or Later

**Chapter Twelve: Sooner or Later **

Summer opened the large door of her mansion, letting Seth and Marissa walk into the huge foyer before closing it. "I'm hooome", Summer yelled as she put her bag down and walked through the hallway. Julie and Dr. Roberts were sitting on the living room couch, doing a crossword puzzle together. Julie leaned forward resting her head on his shoulder and he stared, thinking deeply with his pen and eye glasses. "Hey, honey…" , he called back at Summer.

Seth and Summer walked in to the living room smiling at Dr. Roberts. "Hey guys…um, look who we found." Marissa nervously appeared behind the wall and stood vulnerable in the doorway as all heads turned in her direction. Julie sprung from the couch and ran to Marissa, practically tackling her to the ground. "Oh my God, Marissa." she said, clutching her daughter tightly. "Thank God you're back." Julie pulled away and looked over her daughter, her face falling at the sight of her. She'd never seen her like this before. "Honey…are you okay? Where have you been? We were so worried…" Marissa took a step back and shrugged "I'm fine, mom." she confirmed. "Really…I just need to take a shower." 

Julie's expression distorted from relief to anger. "Marissa we need to talk about this... You can't just leave the house, not speak to any of us for days and then just waltz in like nothings happened." Julie paused and stiffened her posture, inhaling and trying to remain calm. "This is serious…Where were you?" Marissa crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, knowing this would happen. "I couldn't come back. I just needed time."

"Time for what? You look awful." Julie spewed in disgust. Marissa looked down at herself, knowing very well that she did. Julie saw her embarassment and softened. "You can't keep doing this, Marissa." she said, her voice softer and almost gentle. "Instead of running away all the time just tell us what's bothering you." Marissa snickered to herself, breathing out and staring her mother coldly in the eye. "Oh come on, like you would care anyway… with your new fiancé and mcmansion." she said. "This is all you care about, mom. Don't pretend like this is a big deal to you because if it was, you'd be out looking for me and not doing crossword puzzles with a cocktail and bare feet." Julie looked at her, hurt and shocked by her cruel tone. Dr. Roberts got up from his position on the couch and joined Julie behind it, next to Marissa. "Well now Marissa, I don't think that's really necessary." he said, stopping at their feet. "Your mother has been worried sick about you this whole time. So have I and Summer. You are a very important part of our lives, you know."

"I guess not important enough…" she said under her breath, turning away. Suddenly Julie grabbed her arm and turned her around, her anger rising every second. "Sooner or later you will realize that I'm not always the bad guy. It's always my fault Marissa, huh? I have done everything I can for you…to make you happy, put a roof under your head; make sure you have everything…but nothing is ever, ever good enough for you." Julie looked at Marissa with pleading eyes, though anger kept on building. She was trying so hard to stay calm and cool in front of Neil.

Seth and Summer stood in the distance, watching mother and daughter fight, exchanging worried glances as to what sarcastic remark Marissa would make about Julie's past in front of Dr. Roberts. Marissa just stood there, rolling her eyes and waiting for her mother's outburst to come to an end so she could go shower. "College is coming Marissa. How can I trust that you'll be okay there if I can't even now? Julie moved closer to her, staring her straight in the eye. "I will not stand by and watch you throw your life away...everything I worked for, we worked for…Sooner or later you will see that I'm trying my best here." Julie yelled. "When are you going to realize that and not run away all the time?" Marissa snapped her arm from Julie's grip, "When you stop pushing me away…" she huffed, as she turned on her heel, running up the stairs. Julie just sighed and leaned back into Summer's father, who had put his arm comfortingly around her.

Marissa ran up the spiraling stairs, through the hall and into the bathroom that joined her and Summer's rooms. She slammed the door angrily and leaned forward against the sink, holding her face in her hands. She turned the faucet on and let the water turn warm before completely dunking her head under the running water. After a few seconds, she turned off the water and returned to the standing position, looking at her dripping face in the mirror. She looked scary. She turned around and opened the shower door, turning on the water and letting it run as she undressed. She looked at herself in the mirror again…looking at how her body had changed in such a short time. She was skinnier…probably due to not eating and doing so much cocaine. The fact that she threw up her guts every night and morning with a hangover didn't help much either. Steam filled the mirror, hiding her skeletal figure as she stepped into the shower. 

The warm water coursed over her body, making her feel better already. She just stood there with her eyes closed, enjoying the feel of cleanliness. She opened her eyes and looked at her body as the disgusting brown film of dirt and sand washed down onto the tub floor. She washed her hair, and lathered up her body completely with fresh smelling soap, trying desperately to get the stench of sweat and alcohol off herself. She was in the shower for a good half hour before finally turning off the water and stepping out onto the tile floor of the bathroom. She dried herself off, toweled her hair and then put it into a messy bun. Marissa walked out of the bathroom and into a new room, which Summer had apparently set up for her to stay in while she wasn't home.

Marissa wasn't surprised at the fact that her mother had found some one new to gold dig from, who had a nice house and a big bank account. She surveyed the room she was standing in. It was nice and homey…way better than the trailer ever was. She sat on the cushiony bed in her bathrobe, lying back and think about what her mother had said. That everything wasn't her fault…she knew that it wasn't. But about 85 of the time, it was. Her mother wasn't her favorite person in the world, obviously, but Marissa still knew she tried hard to be. She probably didn't give her mom enough credit. Even so…there were things her mother did that Marissa would never get over. Luke…her dad…all the mean things she had said and done throughout her life would never go away or be acceptable. Julie truly was the villain in Marissa's story.

Marissa got up and looked around the room, opening drawers to see where her clothes were placed. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a tank top, throwing them on quickly. She walked back into the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror one last time and grabbing her cell phone which she placed on the toilet with her dirty clothes. She didn't look good…but she was better...presentable at least. Marissa walked back into her room, looked through several boxes for a notebook and scribbled down a note on the first clean page. Leaving the note on the bed, Marissa quietly walked out of her room, down the hallway and finally the stairs…tip-toeing through the foyer and out the back door, hoping no body had heard her leave.

Seth and Summer sat on the leaving couch where Julie and Dr. Roberts were previously seated. Dr. Roberts had taken Julie outside, so they could sit in the sun and calm down, waiting for Marissa to be done with her shower so they could talk…or fight, even more. Seth and Summer lounged across the couch, watching a stupid movie which neither of them were really paying attention to. "I should go check on Coop" Summer said finally. "She's been up there a long time…" Summer got up from across Seth's lap and walked through the room. "Yeah" Seth said "Just be sure to knock…cause who knows what you'll see, right?"

Summer rolled her eyes and kept walking. She rounded the corner and jogged up the stair, finally reaching her bedroom. Her door of the bathroom was closed so Summer knocked lightly, waiting for a response on the other side. Knock, Knock, Knock. "Coop?...You okay?" Silence. Knock. Knock. "Coop…?"

Summer opened the door and peeked inside. Seeing that Marissa wasn't there, she walked through the bathroom to Marissa door, which was also closed. "Hey Marissa, you in there?" Silence. Summer cracked open the door and saw that the room was still and dark. She sighed to herself, knowing that Marissa had somehow gotten out without anyone seeing or hearing her. She saw a piece of paper on the bed, walking over to it and picked it up, scanning what Marissa had written.

_You want to know when I'll stop running away? You think I'll sooner or later understand why you act the way you do? I'm sure I will someday…but I choose to later. I'll be back soon enough…I just need to tie up some loose ends. ___

_-Marissa _

Summer sighed and turned around, walking out of the room, still clutching the piece of loose leaf in her hand. She slowly walked down the stairs, seeing her father and Julie walk back into the house. "Hey Summer" Julie said. "Is Marissa out of the shower yet?" Summer looked up at her and handed her the note. Julie looked at her confused. "What's this?" she asked. Summer shrugged and leaned up against the wall, back at square one. "She's gone…"


	13. Contemplation Nation

**Chapter Thirteen: Contemplation Nation; Sooner or Later Part II **

Marissa walked down the beach. It was now getting dark outside. She moseyed over to the lifeguard stand…where she had sat so many times before, just thinking. She sat down where the ramp upward leveled off, and leaned her head back against the painted wood. She sighed to herself, feeling better because she was clean. She looked ahead of her as the sun set. She'd seen that same sun set more times than she could remember, but this particular one was different.

The sun stayed in the same place for a while, just lingering in the sky…like it didn't want to go down yet. It was like it wanted to stay in that exact position forever, just like Marissa did. She didn't want to think about the future, didn't want to leave for college, didn't want to leave Seth and Summer, and didn't want to leave the only life she knew behind. She just wanted to stay stuck at this exact moment…staring at the sand and waves before her…staying a kid for as long as she could.

Marissa knew she had to change herself. She couldn't not care anymore. She was almost 18, almost a real adult who had responsibilities now. As much as she wanted to deny it…she was terrified of the future. She was terrified of being alone again and having Summer all the way across the country. What kind of roommate would she have? Would she and Ryan stay friends at Berkeley? Marissa hugged her shoulders and arms as the nightly breeze rustled her hair. She hoped he would show up soon so they could talk.

"You called…", she heard in the distance. She turned to see Volchok standing on the ramp of the lifeguard stand, looking at her with his hands in his sweatshirt pockets. "Yeah" she said. "I was hoping I could talk to you…" Volchok nodded and walked up the ramp, sitting down next to Marissa and pulling out his flask. He unscrewed the top and took a swig, offering it to Marissa as he swallowed. She looked down at it, contemplating whether not to drink it. "Um…no thanks", she finally answered, pushing Volchok's hand which held the flask away. He look at her peculiarly, "Soot yourself…" 

He looked at her again, finally noticing she was wearing fresh clothes and had wet hair. "What's with you? I couldn't find you anywhere after the surf competition…Where'd ya go?" he asked taking another drink. Marissa looked down, nervous about how he'd react when she told him this. "I uh…I caught up with Summer on the pier, and I went home for a while to get some things. I figured you wouldn't mind that I didn't-" "I don't", Volchok interjected, not letting her finish. Marissa looked away; laughing at herself in her head for being nervous he would care. He never cared about much of anything unless in involved his coke stash or surf board. What her mother had said ran through Marissa's mind again and again.

_"College is coming…" ___

_"How can I trust you'll be okay?" _

Marissa wasn't even sure she would be. She needed to fix things…now. For herself and everyone else before things got too out of control. Being with Volchok was just getting too complicated. Sure, he was fun for a while…but the spark was gone. Now he just got in the way and complicated everything further. "I think…I need to go home. At least for a little while" she finally stated, looking at Volchok as he listened. Volchok squinted and look towards the ocean smirking. "So what…you go home for a few hours and you suddenly don't like me anymore?"

"No…no, it's not that." she said. "I just think it would be better for everyone if I at least made an appearance at home for the next few weeks. I do have a family, Kevin…" Volchok just sighed and leaned back against the wall, letting his legs spread out as he continued to stare ahead of him. "We can still hang out sometimes…" Marissa said, trying to make this situation a little less serious. She was surprised to him see look kind of sad…even though she knew she was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to him. He just shrugged and looked back at her again. "Whatever…do what you want. But I guess I should have known you'd never stick around. Go back to being just another Newport Princess…" With that Volchok screwed the top on his flask and got up. He scoffed at Marissa and then walked down the beach leaving her alone on the lifeguard stand. 

Well that was fast, she thought to herself about what just happened. And surprisingly…it was easy. She didn't have strings attached with him so she could go back home and move on. Kevin Volchok was just another chapter of her life, to be read and finished in a short amount of time. Marissa turned towards the water again…seeing the sun almost down completely. It had shifted from its previous position. Changed. Just like she had done. Marissa sighed as everything became dark. She sat there for what seemed like forever, just enjoying the feeling of quiet. Now she could go home and finally sleep in a bed…eat real food…catch up with Summer. Marissa got up and walked slowly down to the beach. It was a long walk back to the house and she knew if she wasn't home soon, her mother would send out a search party.

Marissa opened the door of Summer's house…fully prepared to be yelled at and lectured by her mother. She walked in quietly, looking around at the empty house. It was completely quiet. "Hello?...Helllooo?" Marissa shook off the silence and walked through the house, into the living room. "Dr. Roberts? Sum?"

"Oh my God, Marissa…" some one called from behind. Marissa turned to see Summer rushing over to her. She ran and hugged Marissa then pushed her away and looked at her angrily. "Coop you can't keep doing that! At least tell me when you're going somewhere!" Marissa looked at her sadly, "I know, I'm sorry… I just had to do something. Where's my mom?"

Summer pointed outside where Julie and Summer's father were standing and talking by the barbecue. Dr. Robert was grilling something and Julie was handing him utensils. "They're making dinner" Summer said, "You're mom is really upset, Coop…I think you really need to talk to her." Marissa nodded, knowing that she overreacted and had to apologize to her mother. "I know, thanks Sum. I guess it's time to face the music, huh?" Summer smiled and giggled, linking arms with Marissa and walking outside onto the patio. Julie and Neil looked behind them, hearing the door close and the sound of footsteps. Summer unlinked her arm and went to stand by her father, while Julie and Marissa just stared at each other awkwardly. After a few seconds, Marissa walked closer to her mother, looking completely pitiful and venerable. "Um…can I- can I talk to you alone for a second?" Marissa finally asked. Julie looked at her and motioned for them to talk over by the pool.

The two of them walked behind the barbecue and planter while Summer and her dad continued to barbecue. Marissa nervously glanced over at Summer, who gave her friend a reassuring look. Julie and Marissa finally sat down on a lawn chair, both crossing their legs and sharing awkwardness. "Look mom…I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting" Marissa stated. "Everything is just so…confusing lately." Julie listened to her daughter concerned. She took Marissa's hand and talked to her with sympathy. "Honey…why couldn't you just come to me? We could have talked about it without you running away again."

Marissa shifted her body so she was sitting closer and towards her mother, looking her in the eye. "I'm sorry, mom. I just didn't want things to blow up again…I mean you were happy with Summer's dad and I just didn't want to ruin it." Julie was touched and moved in to hug her. She smiled happily and rubbed Marissa's back. "Oh honey…thank you for that, but we're a family together now, and no matter what happens we have to stick together. I really do like Summer's father and I want us to start over with him and Summer…as a family." Marissa pulled away from Julie and smiled. "So do I…come on."

Julie and Marissa got up and returned to the eating part of the patio where Summer and Dr. Roberts were placing plates of food on the outdoor table. Julie smiled and sat by Neil while Marissa gave a reassuring grin to Summer, letting her know that things were cool now with her mom. "Everything okay?" Neil asked. Julie nodded and placed her napkin on her lap. "Everything's fine…this all looks really good, Neil. Let's dig in, eh?"

Marissa sighed as she grabbed every plate and shoveled scoops of food onto her own. It was good to be home. She'd fix things with her mother in the mean time and could really see that she wanted things to work out with Neil. Maybe she was changing. Maybe she really wanted to be a family. Maybe things would work out after all. Marissa smiled to herself as she ate…she'd turn things around just like that. Now she could tell Summer everything she'd done with Volchok, take and even longer shower, and finally have that conversation with Ryan…mmm, sooner or later…


	14. It's Only Orientation

**Note: **In my story Seth got into Brown and so did Summer…but who knows what'll happen once they're there?

**Chapter Fourteen: It's Only Orientation **

Seth walked through the backyard, up the stairs and onto the pool house's platform. He listened for any kind of movement inside and when he didn't hear any, he lightly knocked at the door. "Ryan? Ryyyannn?" After a few seconds of more silence, Seth opened the pool house door and peaked his head inside, seeing that Ryan was still sleeping. Seth walked into the room fully, closing the door behind him and walking over to the lump on the bed. "Dude…get up. Ryan…I come bearing coooffeeeee." Ryan rolled over, his eyes still closed but his nostrils flared. He sniffed the air, finally opening his eyes and bugging them at the raised mug in Seth's hand. "Dude you have to get up and pack. Orientation today, remember?" Seth said as he handed the mug to Ryan.

Ryan groaned as he took a sip of the hot liquid. He swallowed and blinked again and again, trying to wake up. "Why are you so tired?" Seth asked. Ryan leaned back on one of his elbows as he turned in bed with his mug. "I don't know I couldn't sleep last night…I was just think about things." Seth sighed and rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what was clouding Ryan's mind. "Alright well…I'm gonna go have some breakfast. We need to leave in like and hour for the airport so…get a move on it." Ryan nodded and put his mug on his night table. He lay back in bed and squinted his eyes from the light as Seth opened the door and left the pool house. 

Orientation…great. Now he'd have to endure a long day of walking and boring tours. New people…Marissa. Seth had told him all about how she had gone home and had another fight with Julie. He also said that she ran away again but Summer had called and said she came back and apologized. Ryan couldn't help but be happy that she was home again, safe and sound and away from Volchok. Even so, now he'd actually have to talk to her. What would he even say? It wasn't like they'd just see each other at Berkeley, exchange a "Hey", and then proceed to talk about how many books the school's library had. This whole situation had turned into the stupidest break-up ever. Ryan wasn't happy like he thought he'd be once Marissa was no longer his girlfriend. Just because he didn't want to date her didn't mean he wanted her completely erased from his life.

Ryan rubbed his eyes again, not wanting to get out of bed. He sat there for another few minutes, trying to think of what to pack for the night over and what to wear in the car so he'd be comfortable but still look nice. He finally sat up in bed, peeling over his blankets and stretching out his legs before he stood up. He groaned at the pain in his neck and back, intensely rubbing out the knots as he walked into the bathroom. Ryan turned on the shower, relieved himself, then completely disrobed, stepping into the warm flow of water. He rubbed his hands over his arms and chest as he washed himself, standing directly under the shower head so the pressure would wake him up. He washed his hair and lathered up his body, enjoying the warmth and calmness of the shower. He didn't want to get out and face everything. He sighed as he finally shut off the water, knowing that this was going to be one hell of a day.

"Let's go! We're gonna be late if you don't hurry up!" Seth stared at the woman before him. "Mom, relax…our orientations don't start 'til 2…it's now 9." Kirsten walked over to Seth, who was sitting at the kitchen counter with his coffee and newspaper. "I know but…I want you to be there early so you can walk around and get used to the setting" She scrunched up her face and her voice grew high as she pulled Seth's head into her chest. "My baby is going off to college…I have the right to be a little nervous." Seth shook his head out of his mother's grip and set her arm down on the counter. "I'm not going to college yet…It's only orientation…frosh fest"

Ryan walked into the main house, dressed but groggy as he scratched his head. He carried a large bag which he set down near the kitchen table. Ryan opened a cabinet and retrieved a cereal box. "Morning Ryan" Kirsten said smiling. "You almost ready to go?" Ryan looked at her blankly and nodded, looking over at his packed bag. "This thing is only overnight, right?" he asked, looking at both Seth and Kirsten. "Uh, yeah" Seth said, looking at Ryan's bag. "What did you pack dude? You only own like three wife beaters and a wrist cuff…" Ryan poured his cereal and gave Seth his death glare. "Well I don't know what we're doing there. I'm just getting prepared…" Ryan walked over to the fridge and retrieved the gallon of milk which he uncapped and poured over his Cheerios. 

"Well I think that's good of you Ryan." Kirsten stated. "Unlike you Seth, he's actually thinking about all the possibilities." Seth grumbled at his mother, looking at Ryan and then back at Kirsten who was looking at him sternly. "Mother, nothing will happen. We'll get to our schools, slap on some name tags, and then listen to packs of people droning on and on about SAT scores and…stupid classes that only a select few will attend every week." Kirsten breathed in tightly and narrowed her eyes at Seth who straightened up and smiled. "Like me…" he gushed.

Kirsten smirked at him, gathering several papers on the marble counter and looking at the boys. "Alright well, Sandy had to run to the office today so he won't be able to say goodbye to you guys, but I'll take you both to the airport as soon as I make copies of these stats. Uh, Seth do you want me to pick up the girls on the way too?" Ryan tensed up; realizing Marissa would be in the car with them. Seth looked up and nodded as Kirsten walked away, now turning his attention to Ryan who took a seat next to him at the island. "So buddy…you ready?" Ryan chewed his cereal and glared at Seth. "Yeah, I guess. I mean…it's only orientation like you said, right?"

"Yeah" Seth said. "But I mean…you're gonna have to be there with your ex-girlfriend. Talk about after school specials." Ryan sighed to himself. Seth really wasn't making this any easier. "Seth, it'll be fine. I mean yeah I'm nervous but Marissa is pretty much the least of my problems." Seth took a sip of his coffee and chuckled at Ryan. "Oh, okay. So thinking about Marissa isn't what's keeping you awake at night or…making you brood again?" Ryan continued eating and just gave Seth a classic sideways look.

He put down his spoon and ran a hand through his hair. "Does it really show?" Seth laughed at how pathetic Ryan was. "Unfortunately it does…You don't think I don't know your 'Marissa look' by now? I've seen it many a times before." Ryan smiled for the first time that day, knowing Seth was right. Seth got up from his stool and put his mug in the sink, leaning up against the cabinets facing Ryan. "Alright come on man…let's get our stuff together and then I'll see if my mom is almost ready. Let's show all these college people what we're made of." He muttered, walking out of the kitchen and leaving Ryan there with his bowl.

"Hey Cohen!" Summer said smiling as she got into the Range Rover with her bag. She set her huge suitcase at her feet as she sat down next to Seth and pecked him on the lips. Kirsten smiled at Summer as she pulled out of the driveway. "Where's Marissa?" she asked. "Oh she and her mom left early this morning." Summer explained. "I guess they wanted to get there really early because Julie wanted to make sure Coop had a nice dorm for the night." Ryan breathed a sigh of relief in the front seat, mentally thanking Julie and Marissa for being so high maintenance. "Oh and thank you Mrs. Cohen, for taking me to the air port. My dad had a last minute call-in at work." 

"No problem, Summer. I'm happy to drive you." Kirsten cooed. "I'm sorry your dad couldn't make it, but I'm sure he would have loved to come with you." Summer smiled and nodded, settling into Seth in the back. The car ride was fast for the most part. The four laughed and joked as Kirsten told stories of her past college experiences. When they reached the air port, Kirsten parked the car and helped the kids get their bags from the trunk. "You have everything? Money? Tickets?" she asked. "We have everything, mom." Seth answered. "Don't worry, we'll be fine."

The air port was more crowded than usual. Kids saying goodbye for the night and parents watching as their kids embarked on an all new chapter of their lives. Kirsten watched nervously as Seth, Ryan, Summer went through security and recollected their belongings. They all stood around in a circle, in the middle of all the hustle and bustle. Going off to a corner, they sat down and waited for their flight to be called over the loud speaker. "I just want you guys to be careful and have fun, okay?" Kirsten said smiling. "I hope all of you find what you're looking for…"

"Flight 822 to Rhode Island, now boarding. Flight 822, now boarding"

Seth and Summer took deep breaths in and stood up. Kirsten smiled at Seth and gave him a big hug while Summer lightly hugged Ryan goodbye. "You be good now, huh?" Kirsten whispered to Seth as she squeezed him harder. "I will, ma. Love you…" he said pulling away. "I love you too" she sighed. Seth looked over at Ryan and moved in for a quick brotherly hug. "See you later, man. Have fun…and good luck with Marissa." Ryan smiled and muttered a thank you as Seth and Summer picked up there bags and walked to the terminal. "I'll call when we get there" Seth called back at them.

Kirsten turned to Ryan as Seth and Summer disappeared from view. "You probably have a little while until your flight. You want to get some snacks?" Ryan gave a little smile, accepting Kirsten's offer. The two of them sat in the food court of the air port. "So..." Kirsten started as they sat. "You look nervous." Ryan was surprised at her statement. He leaned back in his seat and sighed, admitting to her that he was. "I uh, I'm just nervous that I'll get there and realize it's not what I expected. I'm just getting comfortable in Newport and now I have to start all over again." Kirsten nodded, knowing how he felt. She sat there sipping a coffee, wondering what to say to him to make him feel better.

"But Ryan, now you can start over again…meet new people? Experience something new? And plus…you'll have Marissa there with you." Ryan looked down at the table and started playing with his hands. Kirsten saw the way he reacted to the mention of Marissa. "I take it things aren't very good with you two right now, huh?" Ryan looked at her and shook his head honestly. "I haven't talked to her lately. Not since the break-up and now I have to see her today…" 

"It'll be fine, Ryan. You'll see…You and Marissa have hit rough patches before and you always get through them. And now, in a new environment for the weekend…you guys can stick together and not be nervous knowing that you have some one you both know." Ryan knew she was right. Maybe it really wouldn't be that bad. Maybe he and Marissa would reconnect just for orientation and talk and help each other like they used to. "Thanks…" he said, smiling at Kirsten. 

_"Flight 125 to Berkeley, California. Flight 125, now boarding." _

Ryan took a deep breath, the nerves rushing back to the pit of his stomach as those words repeated over the loud speaker "That's you…Come on." Kirsten said "I'll walk you…" They got up from the table. Kirsten threw her coffee cup away as Ryan pulled his bag over his shoulder. They walked through the airport, reading the signs near the ceilings that directed them to the terminal. Once they reached the gate, Kirsten pulled Ryan into a motherly hug. "Be safe…good luck. Oh! And uh, I want you to take this for today." She said, handing him a credit card. He looked at it confused as to why she was giving it to him. "You never know when you'll need it. I gave Seth one too. You know, if you want a sweatshirt or something…" Ryan smiled appreciatively. "Just don't loose it." she said. 

"Alright…here goes." Ryan stated, tucking the card into his pocket and looking toward the crowds of people. Kirsten looked at him again and gave him a reassuring smile. Ryan walked cautiously to the door, hanged a woman his ticket, and walked through towards the plane. He'd be at school in a few hours and dreaded the experience even more with every step. Kirsten watched Ryan disappear from view, sighing to herself and knowing how nervous he was.

She wondered how Seth and Summer were. How the plane ride was going and if Seth was behaving. At least Seth had Summer with him so they could do everything together. Ryan was alone. 'It's only for a night' she kept telling herself. The boys would be back tomorrow afternoon, chock full of stories. She was content, knowing they'd be back shortly…but the thought of them leaving for good was still in the back of her mind. They'd be leaving the house in only a few months. How would she and Sandy live in that empty house again? Kirsten pulled out of the spot again once she got back in the car. Everything would be okay…at least for now. After all, it was _only_ orientation.


	15. Storms a Brewin'

**Chapter Fifteen: Storms a Brewin' **

"Alright thanks man" Ryan yelled at the cab driver as he closed the door of the car. Ryan stood on the curb with his bag, staring at all the people ahead of him as the cab pulled away. Ryan took a deep breath. Above him hung a large banner that screamed **'Welcome to Berkeley'.** This was it. He walked slowly into the crowd of people, some chatting away and others looking just as confused as he was. He walked over to a table that had a large sign saying **'School Maps'.** He grabbed two and opened one while shoving the other in his front pocket. He stood there in awe, looking over the giant campus.

There were lines and lines of people outside and going in. Ryan looked around, searching and taking in each face. Everyone around him had nametags. He looked ahead at a crowd of people un-sticking wrappers and smacking names on their chests. He walked over and glanced at the table, standing in line and waiting until he could reach his name. Ryan walked off to the side and stood by a garbage can once he had his tag, continuing to look over his map and activity list. He was snapped from his concentration when a guy approached and poked his arm. "Hey man, Ryan Atwood?" Ryan looked at him confused but nodded. The guy was tall and blonde, very preppy Newport-esque. He wore a Berkeley t-shirt and looked some-what goofy with his worn navy blue Converse sneakers.

"I'm Will" he said as he outstretched his hand to Ryan. Ryan shook it still confused but enjoying the attention. "Oh uh, sorry…I'm your freshman buddy. I meant to meet you at the entrance but I was running a little late." Ryan looked at him and sort of smiled. "Oh it's okay, nice to meet you." Will carried a small backpack on his shoulder and a packet of stapled papers in his hands. He looked over and Ryan and motioned for them to walk. "Come with me. You can stay at my place tonight off campus. Walk with me and I'll show you around…Here, I'll take your bag"

Ryan looked at him hesitantly as he reached for his bag. "Oh it's okay. You don't have to, I got it." Will shrugged off Ryan's urgency and took the bag from him. "It's no problem, really. You're gonna need a lot of hands for all the paper they're gonna shove at you pretty soon." Ryan looked down as they walked, smiling at Will and happy that he knew some one. They walked for about ten minutes across the quad, Will pointing out each building and short cuts you could take if ever running late for class. Ryan took his student ID picture and took a pamphlet from every table or person offering them.

"Alright dude, here we are." Will said once they reached a small apartment a few minutes away from the school. "You can just throw your bag over there. Uh, you mind sleeping on an air mattress tonight? I have roommates so there's kinda not enough room." Ryan shook his head, not really caring, just happy to be there…with college people. They sat for a while and Will went into his room to change. "Do you have any kind of wet-resistant clothes by any chance?" he yelled form his room. "We're supposed to get a huge storm coming in in a few hours and I'm sure you don't want to walk around soaked." Ryan shrugged, not knowing if anything he owned really was water proof. It never rained in Newport, after all.

After they dropped off their bags and cleaned up a bit, they walked back to the campus and into the dining hall for something to eat. Will introduced some of his friends to Ryan as they sat at one of the tables in the huge hall. They were all different but equally as goofy. Ryan sighed and smiled as he looked around the table. He liked the fact that he could fit right in here and not have to worry about his past. After talking and laughing with a buddy, Will turned his attention back to Ryan. "So it says on your file you're from Newport. I know some people from there…you go to Harbor?" Ryan was surprised Will knew that much about him. "Uh yeah, yeah I am and…I do." Will nodded, taking in the information. They sat there for a little, talking about where they were from until Ryan's cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

He could hear a lot of talking and noise on the other end until Seth yelled into his ear. "Hello? Ryan!?" Ryan scrunched up his face and moved the phone a little further from his ear. He looked over at Will who was looking at him funny and gave him a one minute signal. "Excuse me" he said as he got up and excluded himself from the table. Walking over to the corner of the hall, Ryan returned the phone to his ear, trying to hear Seth. "Seth, you there?" he asked. All he could hear was static but then Seth's voice came through. "Hey man, how is it there? You meet anyone new or…hook up with a lunch lady in a dorm?" Ryan chuckled and shook his head. "No, none of that…I did actually meet some guy named Will who's pretty cool." He explained. "Why is it so loud there?"

"Oh, there's some kind of 'Welcoming' tradition going on. It's not really my thing but Summer seems to be into it" he said, looking over at Summer who was in the middle of everything yapping away. "I swear that girl would get along with mimes…" Ryan smirked over the phone and grunted, agreeing with Seth. On the other end, Seth cleared his throat and continued the conversation. "So uh, have you seen Marissa yet?" Ryan looked down at his feet then around the room, again looking through faces. "Nah man, there are a lot of people here. I haven't seen her at all. Did you call your mom yet? Let her know you and Summer got there okay?" "Yeah I called her a little before I called you." He answered. "She's still nervous Summer and I are gonna loose each other."

Ryan smiled and looked over at Will who was motioning for him to come back. Ryan nodded and went back to the phone. "Alright man, I gotta go. I'll call you later and give you an update." He said. "Okay, dude. Let me know what's up." Seth answered as he hung up. Ending the call, Ryan walked back to the table that was now covered with trays of food. He sat and Will handed him a plate. "We got some food…Who called?" Ryan grabbed a fork and dug into his plate of Mac and Cheese. "My friend Seth. He just wanted to see what was happeni-" Ryan stopped when he saw that Will was no longer looking at him. "Whoa, man." Will muttered. "Look at her…"

Ryan followed Will's gaze across the hall to Marissa, standing alone awkwardly with a tray of salad. Her hair was down and curly, the color back in her face and fresh clothes draped over her body. She looked as beautiful as Ryan could remember and not at all how Seth had described her. Marissa looked around, her eyes finally falling on Ryan. Her body tensed up as she knew the moment had come when she would see him again. After a few seconds of just standing there staring, she got up enough courage to go over and talk to him. She approached slowly, looking at the table of guys gawking at her. Will hit Ryan's arm, trying to get his attention. "Dude, dude she's coming over here."

Marissa stopped once at the table and nervously cleared her throat and surveyed all the drooling guys, finally just looking at Ryan. "Hi" she said. Ryan swallowed and continued looking at her. "Hey" he said, trying to smile. She grinned at him awkwardly, standing there in silence while the others kept glaring at her. Will looked from Marissa to Ryan, putting facts together in his head. "Wait…you guys know each other?" Ryan looked at Will and kind of gave him a sideways look, then back at Marissa who was still nervously looking at him and hoping he would explain the situation. "Well...Ryan and I…sort of-I mean we…" She sighed, not knowing how to explain what they were. She didn't know where they stood or what he thought they were either. This was just getting more and more awkward. 

"Uh…you mind if I sit with you?" Marissa asked, looking at Ryan hopefully. All the guys at the table immediately lunged forward and screamed "NO!" Embarrassed, they all went back to eating while Will pointed to an empty seat next to Ryan. "We mean no…no, take a seat." He huffed excitedly. Marissa smiled and sauntered over to the seat next to Ryan, placing down her tray and sitting down. Ryan sat stiffly next to her, not daring to move or even say anything. Why did things always get weird for them when they weren't together? Will finally broke the awkward silence. "So…what'd you say your name was?" Marissa looked up at him as she uncapped the plastic of her salad. "I didn't…but I'm Marissa…Cooper. Hi." She said as she shook Will's hand and waved shyly at the other guys. 

"Well hello, Marissa" Will said, smiling at her. "I assume you're from Newport too?" Marissa continued to smile and nodded at Will as she looked over at Ryan. His eyes were glued to his plate and he hadn't said anything since she came over. Maybe she shouldn't have sat there. She only had because she didn't know anyone else. But wasn't the point of orientation to meet and be comfortable with new people? She mentally kicked herself as she ate, knowing very well that five pairs of eyes were staring in her direction while the only ones she wanted to see were staring at the table.

The rest of the day was relatively boring. After they ate, Ryan and Will went through the inside of the school as Will showed Ryan where each course was taken and what teachers to suck up to and avoid. Students came running inside the school during the late afternoon, completely soaked from being outside in the rain. Ryan couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it rain that hard. It had only rained once or twice since he'd been in Newport.

After he and Will went through all future activities and signed Ryan up for his courses, they ran back to Will's apartment so hey could get ready for the night. The guys ran across campus, getting drenched along the way. Once they reached Will's apartment, they both changed their clothes, Ryan met Will's roommate and they discussed what they were to do that night.

"So I figured…since you're gonna be coming here soon and all you might as well hit the party scene early on." Will said. "One of my buddies is throwing something tonight at his place a few minutes form here. You wanna go?" Ryan shrugged and nodded, figuring he could sneak in a few drinks here or there and have a good time. Will looked at Ryan curiously as he tied on new, dry shoes. "So um…that girl at lunch today…she yours?" Ryan looked at him, raising his eyebrows and wondering what he meant by that. "Uh…I don't really know where Marissa and I stand. So…"

"So she's not?" Will asked hopefully. Ryan shrugged again and looked behind him where he sat on a random bean bag. Will smiled and stood up. "Dude, that's good news. 'Cause if you're not gonna go after her…than I will."


	16. Party People

**Chapter Sixteen: Party People **

Ryan and Will arrived at the party as kegs and kegs of beer were being brought into the small apartment. There were people everywhere. Girls in bikinis, solo cups spread out everywhere across the floor…people fanning out across couches, not caring about who was watching them make out. People were half naked and muddy outside, sliding on tarps of plastic that were slippery from the rain.

Ryan and Will weaved through all the people and walked out onto the back porch in the direction of the alcohol. A large overhang was set up above them, so the kegs or party guests wouldn't get wet. Will stopped near the circle of buzzed college students and pounded the fist of the ring leader. "Ryan…this is my pal Andy." Will turned Andy in the direction of Ryan and explained to him who exactly he was. "Oh, hey dude. Welcome to my fiestaaaa." Andy slurred at Ryan, as he attempted to high five him. Will patted Andy on the back and smirked at Ryan as they watched Andy in his drunken mess. "Yeah" Will said. "He's already gone…"

Ryan smiled and chuckled. Will squeezed into the crowd of people surrounding a beer ball. Surprisingly, he managed to grab two empty cups and fill them up with beer before getting trampled. Will resurfaced and handed Ryan his cup, taking a long swig and sighing in relief as the liquid ran down his throat. "Come on" he said. "I'll introduce you to the crew." Ryan awkwardly followed Will through the sliding doors and back into the stuffy apartment. He sipped his beer while Will went around and greeted more people, throwing names at Ryan. After he walked through the whole party and finished off his first drink, Will walked back over to Ryan, dragging a tall blonde in a bikini behind him.

"Hey Ry…this is Alli" he gushed as the girl giggled and stared at Ryan seductively. "Uh, hey" Ryan said, slightly smiling back at the beautiful girl. Will pulled Alli a little closer to Ryan and then looked up to face him. The girl was leaning on Will, smiling goofily and obviously wasted. "Um, Alli can show you around a little more." he said. "I kinda have to go take care of Andy before he hurts himself." Ryan looked at Will surprised and then back at Alli who was still looking at him sexily. Will gave Ryan a little nod and then made his way back outside. "Andy!" he yelled as he moved through the party. "Andy will you get the rake out of your pants!?" 

Alli moved swiftly towards Ryan and wrapped an arm around his neck sloppily. "Having fun yet?" she whispered into his ear, making sure to send hot breath coursing down his neck. Ryan just stood there, listening to her throw herself at him. He peeled her off of him a little and put her hand back at her side. "Yeah, yeah I'm having a very nice time." he said, looking back outside to see if Will was anywhere in sight. All he saw was Andy, flailing Will on the deck, trying hard to waltz with him in such a hazy state. Ryan looked at the scene strangely and then turned his attention back to Alli. "I'll tell you what…" he said. "Why don't you go over there in the kitchen and get another drink…and then I'll come back here and we can talk later, okay?" he explained slowly so she could understand. She giggled some more and nodded as he spoke, turning and walking in the direction of the kitchen, stumbling as she went and falling into the arms of another preppy guy with a nice smile.

Ryan sighed and made his way back to the deck, seeing Andy drunkenly hug Will with all his might. Ryan approached as Will looked up at him desperately. "Need a hand?" Ryan asked. "Uh…yeah, can you-just…" Will stressed, trying to lift Andy who was now dead weight in his arms. Ryan moved quickly to lift Andy's legs as they moved through the party and into a bedroom. "Just throw him in bed." Will said. "I can run the party, I guess." Ryan grunted and nodded as they placed Andy on the bed and threw a blanket over him. Will walked into the next room and came out shortly after holding a plastic waste basket which he placed on the bedside. "Just in case…" he joked.

After making sure Andy was settled or…alive…Ryan and Will emerged once again into the party. People were now gathered in a circle in the middle of the living room, cheering and yelling as two guys brawled on the floor. Ryan watched as Will pushed his way through the crowd and grabbed one of the guys, pushing him off the other and into the wall. He held him there until the other guy grabbed him off and clocked him in the face. Will went down and the guys went right back to choking each other. Everyone around them just continued to laugh and cheer in drunken stupidity until Ryan ran in the circle and broke it up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa…take it outside!" he yelled at the guys as they rolled and pushed each other out onto the grass and rain.

Half the people in the room stampeded outside to see the end of the fight. Ryan walked over to Will who was lifting himself up off the floor, holding his eye as he did so. "Hey you okay, man?" he asked concerned. Will squinted one eye and nodded, scoffing and looking outside at the guys. "Andy's stupid friends…" he sighed. Ryan grunted and made Will open his eye, telling him it wasn't that bad. Will opened his eyes completely and looked over Ryan's shoulder, blinking intensely and staring ahead. "Well, look who's here…" he smiled. Ryan turned around to see Marissa and two other girls walking into the party. Will chuckled and smiled at Marissa, who was looking around at the now disheveled room. "Hey, Marissa!" he yelled. "Come over here." Marissa looked at Will and nodded in acknowledgement, smiling once her eyes fell on Ryan. She said a few words to the girls she came with and then finally walked over to Will and Ryan against the wall. "Hey" she said. "I didn't know you would be here. I hope it's okay that I am too." She smiled, looking at Ryan. Ryan tensed up again, not expecting to see her there either.

"I um…didn't know either. I came here with Will, what are you doing here?" he asked urgently. Marissa looked over at Will who was leaning against the wall with one arm and staring at her smiling. She half smiled at him awkwardly, wondering what he was doing while she talked to Ryan. "Um…I met these girls today and they asked if I'd want to come with them. I didn't want to say no so I just-I don't really know what the rules are between us. I-" She sighed, not wanting to explain herself, just wanting to talk to him some what normally. Will was starting to creep her out with his staring. His eyes were like laser beams moving through her body. She finally took Ryan's hand and pulled him a few feet away. "Can I just talk to you for a second?"

Ryan walked with her, stopping as she turned to him. "Look…" she said. "I know we didn't have much luck with the friendship thing in Newport, but now that we're here, I really want things to not be awkward between us." He looked at her intently and nodded, leaning up against the wall. "Me either…but it's not like we can just snap our fingers and pretend like nothing happened." Marissa went to speak again but was interrupted by Will, who had come over with two cups in his hands. He handed her one and then glanced over at Ryan. "Uh, Ryan I was wondering if you could go get some more cups. There's a drug store across the street." Ryan scrunched up his face and went to speak but Will once again interrupted. "Thanks" he said. "Come on Marissa, I want to introduce you to some people." Will put his arm around her shoulders, and leaded her across the room. Marissa reluctantly walked with him, turning to look over her shoulder at Ryan.

Will led Marissa through the house and introduced her to more guys, who were drunk and gaping at her. Her and Will sat on one of Andy's couches in a circle of smoke and half naked people. She sat there quietly while Will and his friends laughed about some stupid inside joke. All of the people around her looked funny. They were pale and all had red, sullen eyes. "So guys…" he said. "You want to roll out the welcome wagon for Marissa here?" The guy that sat next to Will handed him a small mirror…which had a long line of white powder spread out across it. Will took it and turned around with it, offering the drugs for Marissa's use. She looked at it worriedly and shook her head. "Oh, no thanks…" she said.

Will could sense her uneasiness and looked at her confused. "What? What wrong?" he asked. She just shrugged and kept staring at the mirror. "I just…didn't think you guys did that here…I'm uh-I'm actually gonna get going." She said, grabbing her coat and standing up. Will put down the mirror and stood up as well. "Wait, Marissa. Don't be like that, come on." Marissa looked at him and just continued to put her coat on. "It's okay, thanks for having me…I just really need to go." She sighed, looking at the rest of the people around the room, completely stoned. She turned to leave but stopped when she saw Ryan standing there with two bags of cups in his hand. Ryan's eyes were thin, looking from Will to Marissa, then back at Will. Marissa glared at Will again and then continued out the door. Ryan put the cups down, giving Will a dirty look and following Marissa out the door.


	17. What Happened?

**Chapter Seventeen: What Happened? **

Marissa walked down the stairs of the apartment, looking down at the ground and walking fast. Ryan walked behind her trying to catch up and ask her why she was leaving so abruptly. "Marissa, wait!" he yelled. She just continued to walk outside. "Hey…come back." Ryan followed her into the rain, catching up to her and turning her around. "Hey, hey…you okay? What happened in there?" Marissa sighed and looked up at him. "I just…I just needed to leave." Ryan looked at her confused. "Well, okay…w-where are you going? You want me to go with you?" Marissa looked at him and shook her head. "No, it's okay. Go back to the party. I'm just gonna go find my freshman buddy and go back to her place." She said, turning around to walk away.

"Hey, come on." He said urgently. "You wanna grab something to eat or …something? You can tell me what you did today." he said, feeling bad. Marissa smirked at him. "You don't have to do this, you know?" she said quietly. Ryan smiled and nodded. "I know...I want to…" he said. She looked around and squinted her eyes through the rain. "There's a little diner over there…come on." she said, looking both ways before running across the street. Ryan followed her close behind as she walked towards the small building.

The two sat in a small booth in the corner of the diner. They both had ordered burgers and chili fries and sat there awkwardly eating in silence. "So…" Ryan started. Marissa looked up from her plate and into his blue eyes. "So…" Ryan sighed and sort of chuckled at how awkward things really were between them. There was probably no other person in the world he felt more comfortable with than Marissa Cooper, but now so many things had happened between them that it seemed like they were strangers again. This short amount of time apart made Marissa seem mysterious to him again…just like she was when they had first met that night at the end of the driveway. Ryan sat back, fidgeting with his French fries and thinking. Maybe this was exactly what he and Marissa needed.

Only a few weeks had passed, but it seemed like they had been apart for months. He had told himself again and again that them breaking up was for the best, but now it seemed like it was all a big mistake. No matter what she had done to anger him during the times when they had dated, he always managed to forgive her every flaw. They both had dated other people…tried to move on one way or another…and yet Ryan found his way back to square one. Back to wanting every inch of her. Back to trying to protect her in any way he could. Back to wishing he could hold her in his arms again and wipe the tears away. 

He twirled his fries between his fingers as he sat there staring at his plate. He thought about what Seth had said about his 'Marissa Look'. He had a bunch of 'looks' for when he saw or thought about her. One for when she came into a room. One for when she left one. One for when he thought about something stupid he'd said to make her upset. One for when she upset him…One for when she smiled back in his presence, her blue eyes glowing.

He looked up towards her again. She was looking out the diner window, her face was blank but her eyebrows furrowed. He knew she was obviously thinking about something, looking out toward the apartment where the party was going on. She continued picking at her fries, her eyes always returning to face the window to her right. Their clothes were damp from standing in the rain, her hair was now curling and her make up was slightly smudged…but Ryan couldn't remember a time where she looked so beautiful. Marissa sensed eyes on her and turned her head to meet Ryan's gaze. She looked at him uncomfortably, her facing finally breaking into a smile as he stared. "What?" she asked, flashing him a wide grin. "Uh…n-nothing." He said, clearing his throat in embarrassment.

"I just can't help but notice how quiet you've been since we left the party. What did Will do?" he asked, leaning forward again to rest his elbows on the table. She breathed in deeply, not knowing what to say about what happened. She was sure it wasn't a big deal; I mean she had done coke before too…she just didn't know how Ryan would feel about it. It was the drug Trey had done the night he tried to…well, you know. And everyone saw how that had worked out, huh? It was a touchy subject. She knew Ryan would just go and ask Will what happened anyway so she might as well just tell him. "Uh…Will and his friend's were kinda doing…drugs? And he just offered me some. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal, I just wanted to leave anyway…"Ryan widened his eyes and nodded, smiling in relief that she hadn't been sucked into that kind of thing. "Wow…" he said. "I didn't take Will to be that type of guy."

Marissa sighed and nodded, happy that he didn't freak out. He'd only known Will for what? A day anyway? It's good that Ryan didn't care what he did with his life. It's good that he didn't want to save him too just like everyone else. "So…that's it?" he asked. "Yeah" she said. "I told you it wasn't a big deal…I just wanted to get out of there. Will was kind of all up in my face." Ryan closed his eyes and laughed, looking out the window at the apartment that was now emptying with wobbly college students. Marissa also turned to the window and grimaced as a guy stood over a half naked girl who was throwing her guts up on the sidewalk. "MMM…I guess he had a little too much fun, huh?" she said smiling, turning back towards Ryan. He turned his head to face her again and they both locked eyes and stared at each other.

They stayed that way for a few seconds, having a moment…until the waitress came over to the table. "Can I get you guys anything else?" Marissa looked down at the table, breaking her stare from Ryan as he looked up toward the waitress. "Uh…no thanks." He said. "Could you just bring us the check? Thanks…" Ryan turned his attention back to Marissa, who was finishing her fries and look aimlessly around the diner. She shivered slightly as she chewed, rubbing her arms together and watching the waitress walk back towards the table with the check. Ryan took the piece of paper, thanking the woman as she cleared the plates and reaching into his pocket to retrieve the credit card Kirsten had given him. "I go it…" he said as Marissa rummaged through her purse for cash. "Oh, you sure?" she asked. Ryan nodded and smirked at her, placing the card with the bill as he gave it back to the waitress to pay. "You know…even if we're not dating anymore, I'm still allowed to pay for a burger." He laughed as she smiled at him and shrugged. 

"Where'd you get the plastic?" she asked as they got up. "Oh, Kirsten gave it to me…for emergencies. But empty stomachs are emergencies, right?" Marissa giggled and agreed. This was definitely flirting material going on between then. The awkwardness, the glaring, the moments…Ryan retrieved the card and opened the door for Marissa as they emerged outside into the dampness and dark. "You have the time?" she asked as they slowly walked on the sidewalk. Ryan inched up his jacket sleeve to see his watch, telling her that it was almost midnight. "Wow…I should probably be getting back." She said. "I don't want to wake up my freshman buddy too late."

"Okay, I'll-I'll walk you." he said. Marissa turned to him and shook her head. "Nah, it's okay. It's a pretty long walk back to her place." Ryan looked around the street at all the creepy and drunk men, sitting on the concrete or stumbling towards them. "Uh...I'd feel better walking you. You know, it's late and I'd-I'd just feel better." Marissa smiled at him, thanking him for caring. The two walked and chatted, not even noticing the rain anymore. They talked about their college experience of the day and Ryan explained what he had done at his architecture tour. "So…this is where she lives" Marissa stated as they approached another small apartment a few blocks away. Marissa stepped on one of the stairs, and stared slightly down on Ryan as they awkwardly stood there. "So, I'll see you tomorrow than? Meet you for breakfast maybe?"

Marissa smiled once again and nodded at his question. "Um, what flight do you have back?" Ryan gave her a one minute sign with his finger and dug into his pocket to pull out a piece of paper. "Uh…10 A.M." he said. "Oh, me too." She said trying not to sound excited. "Cool" he said, also trying to be cool. "So I'll um, meet you at the dining hall tomorrow morning. Thanks for the food and…taking me back." Ryan nodded as she gave him a small wave and knocked on the door of the apartment, waiting for her roomie to open it. "Oh Marissa!" the girl yelled as she pulled her inside. "You're just in time! Me and Lauren here were just talking about why we love vegetables…" Ryan chuckled and watched as the girl slammed the door again and pulled back the curtain inside, revealing a small sticker saying "Vegan for Life". Ryan stood there for a few seconds, watching Marissa take off her jacket and awkwardly smile with the girls inside until he finally turned to go back to the party.


	18. Heartbroken and Wet

**Chapter Eighteen: Heartbroken and Wet **

Ryan walked down the wet sidewalk, finally reaching Andy's apartment again where more and more people stumbled out past him towards the exit. He walked up the stairs again and into the living room, weaving through the crowd and searching faces. He finally spotted Will sitting on the couch, his head leaning on his palm that was resting on the arm of the dirty sectional. Ryan approached, standing before Will, who was looking down at Ryan's feet. Will blinked several times, then moved his eyes slowly from Ryan's feet up to his face. Realizing who it was, Will shot up from the couch and stood up straight, now standing next to Ryan. "Ryan, Ryan hey…" he said. Will looked down and to the side again at the people who were sitting next to him on the couch, red-eyed and passed out with their cups. 

Will got closer to Ryan, lowering his voice and attempting to speak. "Uh…Can I- Can I just talk to you for a second over here?" he asked, pointing to the side of the room. Ryan nodded and walked with Will, finally stopping with him and waiting for him to talk. "Okay uh…" Will started. "Is-Is Marissa okay? 'Cause I know I kinda freaked her out before…and I just wanted her to know I'm sorry." Ryan nodded, and leaned back against the wall, looking up again to face Will. "Marissa's fine. But uh…none of this coke stuff anymore while we're here, okay?" Ryan said. Will kind of smirked and looked down at the ground, rubbing his neck. "To be honest…I um…I'm not really into the whole drug scene either. I guess I was just trying to…show off or something… I don't know. It was stupid."

Ryan made a face, agreeing with Will. Will turned and leaned against the wall beside Ryan. "I could be quite the partier you know?" He said looking back at Ryan. "I just think there are so many other ways to have fun than sniffing up powder and acting like an idiot." Ryan smiled at Will's confession, patting his arm and showing him that it was okay. "That-That's really cool man…" Ryan said, standing up straight. He looked around the room at passed out bodies and crinkled plastic cups. "I've actually had enough partying for one night." He said, looking at Will, who listened and checked his watch.

"Whoa, man. I didn't know it was this late. I have an early class tomorrow. You uh…you wanna head back?" Ryan nodded; taking a step forward so Will could get through and lead him across the room. Will turned back to Ryan saying he'd be back in a second. They stopped near the door and Will jogged back to the kitchen to talk to another guy. He interrupted the guy who was pushed back against a wall, making out with a tall blonde girl. Will poked the guy's shoulder, pushing the two apart and revealing an extremely drunk Alli. Will muttered a few words to the guy, waved slightly and smiled at Alli and then walked back toward Ryan who was smirking as Alli and the guy attacked each other once again.

"She gonna be okay?" he asked as Will approached. Will smiled and turned back to see them banging into cabinets. "Oh yeah…those two actually dated for years. They normally hate each other but I guess alcohol brings out the best in people." He said laughing. Will pushed past Ryan and walked out the apartment door and onto the outside steps. Ryan followed close by once again walking out into the darkness and rain. Will sighed as they both walked fast towards Will's place. "I'm seriously thinking this rain will never stop. I just want to know what's so horrible in Heaven that God has to cry this much." He joked.

"Psh…" Ryan said at Will's corniness. "I actually don't mind it that much. It's actually kind of refreshing. It never rains in Newport…" Will nodded and put his hands in his pockets as they walked. "Yeah well, the forecast said it'll probably clear up in a day or two. Thankfully." He said, looking down at the sidewalk. They continued to walk through the rain in silence, finally reached his apartment a few blocks away. Will opened the door and turned on the light, immediately collapsing on his couch as Ryan closed the door. "Ugghhh, I'm tired…" he said, leaning back in a cushion and closing his eyes. "Oh uh…the bathroom is over there if you want to shower or…change or something." He said yawning and pointing to the other side of the room at the bathroom.

Ryan nodded and walked across the room, picking up his bag and walking into the bathroom. He undressed from his wet and sweat soaked jacket and t-shirt, pulling a clean wife beater over his head and then proceeding to change his bottoms. He sat on the edge of the dirty college boy tub, leaning on his knees and folding his clothes to shove back in his bag. He zipped it back up and pushed it over to the side, rubbing his hands over his face. He sleepily stared ahead of him at the door, just thinking about the events of the day.

He made a new friend, went to a real college party, got hit on by a drunken blonde hottie…and actually talked to Marissa again. It was a big day, indeed. He smiled, thinking about her again. It was so weird…one day, less than an hour of interaction, but still there were feelings again. It had started again. The feelings. The awkwardness. The flirting. The so called "friends" and "taking it slow". Ryan got up from the tub, grabbing his bag and opening the door of the bathroom. He emerged again into the living room where Will was now sound asleep, sprawled out on the couch. Ryan smirked at him as he snored and looked around the room, wondering how the hell we would find the air mattress…

Ryan walked hurriedly down the streets of Berkeley, walking in the pitch black in his pajama pants and wife beater. It was pouring rain and freezing but nothing really mattered at the moment except seeing her. Ryan reached the small apartment where Marissa was staying and lightly knocked on the door, bending down to see in the windows for any kind of movement inside. After another minute of knocking, the vegan girl groggily appeared at the door, grimacing at Ryan. "What the hell do you want?" she moaned. "It's 3:00 A.M…" He nodded at her and looked down at his face, returning his head upward to take a peek inside. "I know, I know…" he said. "I was actually looking for Marissa. I ju-"

"Ryan?" he heard a voice call form behind the door. Marissa appeared behind the vegan girl who was still looking strangely and tiredly at Ryan. "Marissa…who the hell is this guy?" she said, turning around to face her with her arms crossed. Marissa looked from Ryan to the girl, not knowing what to say. "Uh…Ryan's an old friend…can you just give us a minute?" she said, moving past her and onto the stoop where Ryan stood. "Fine…" the girl said, backing up a step. "But I have an early class tomorrow and if I sleep through my alarm, it's your fault!" she said, pointing to Ryan with her face scrunched and eyes narrowed. She slammed the door, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone in the rain, standing awkwardly on the stairs. "Ryan, what's wrong? Did something happen?" she asked concerned.

Ryan looked up to face her. She was wearing blue pajama pants, a tiny blue tank top and a bath robe. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun and her eyes were dark and sleepy. "No, no…nothing's wrong." he said finally. She sighed and clutched her heart, happy that everything was okay. "Then what's the 3 A.M. wake up call for?" she asked quietly, looking at him with big eyes, annoyance in her voice. She hesitated slightly, not knowing what to say. He just wanted to see her…but knew if he said why she wouldn't like it very much. This really wasn't the time or place…but Ryan couldn't help himself. 

Giving up on words, Ryan just urged toward her…wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her head toward him in a kiss. Her legs and neck bent backward in surprise as he urgently held her close to him. Marissa opened her eyes as Ryan kept their lips locked and ran his thumb over her cheek. Blinking several times and realizing what was happening, Marissa closed her eyes again, moving her hands up to Ryan's face and kissing him back deeply. Ryan smiled into her mouth, pushing her back against the door of the apartment, continuing to kiss her over and over. Their faces and clothes were now wet and they sloppily moved their lips to each others, not caring about getting soaked or the fact that it was the middle of the night. 

Marissa suddenly pulled back, pushing Ryan away from her as she looked down and put her hand to her mouth. She breathed heavily and looked back up at him with tears in her eyes. He searched her face, not knowing whether she was happy or sad. "I- I'm sorry, I- I can't do this…" she said, looking into Ryan's eyes and shaking her head in regret. She turned away and pushed the door of the apartment open, leaving him on the stoop…heartbroken and wet. He clutched his chest as he heard her muffled sobs through the door…wondering why she had changed her mind about them.


	19. A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

**Chapter Nineteen: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes… **

Ryan awoke suddenly from his deep slumber, breathing heavily and staring at the dark ceiling. He blinked over and over; trying to make sure that was a dream and not a horrible reality. Ryan pushed himself up on the air mattress that he'd found and set up on the living room floor of Will's apartment. He sat up, looking around the room and rubbing his eyes, going over the events of that dream in his head. He had kissed Marissa. She had turned him down. Ryan shook is head and breathed in deeply. It all seemed so real. The way they had talked. The way she looked and made him nervous. The feeling of her lips on his again. And the way his chest tightened and ached as she shut the door in his face and cried faintly through the wood.

He sat there in the blank darkness, hearing Will quietly snoring and still out cold on the couch in his clothes. Ryan uncomfortably laid back down in his sweat soaked wife beater and pillow case. He glanced over at the small card table next to the couch where a digital clock was placed. It was only 5:26. Will didn't have to be up for another hour and a half. Ryan wanted so bad to just wake him up and tell him about the dream. After the awkward lunch they had all had together, Will obviously knew something more than friendship had blossomed in the past with Ryan and Marissa. Throughout the day, Ryan had filled a curious Will in on his and Marissa's past, informing him that they weren't together now which was why it was so awkward between them. He told him why they had broken up How they'd dated on and off for the past few years. How he really did love her but just needed time apart for a while. It was nice to get everything off his chest for once.

It was so hard trying not to care when Will said he'd go after Marissa if Ryan didn't. He knew he would have to see her with new people again eventually…but what if she really started to like Will? He and Ryan were friends now and that would just be weird. Thank God Will screwed up in offering her cocaine. Even though it upset her, it gave her and Ryan a chance to talk and kind of catch up. Reignite the flame that everyone knew would always be burnig…

Will's class was at 8 and he was gonna take Ryan to breakfast before his flight left. "Ugh…breakfast." Ryan thought. He knew he'd have to see Marissa in the dining hall and pretend that his dream didn't happen. That he didn't kiss her. That she didn't turn him away. How could he talk to her like he had the night before without having that pain in his chest? The pain he felt when he heard her cry through the door. The pain he felt now, even awake…and knowing that none of it was real.

How could he face her again? How could he still flirt and pursue to be with her again if she really didn't feel the same way? He sat there for a few minutes, now completely awake and continuing to go through everything in his head. The sun was coming up faintly through the rain soaked window, lighting up the room and pouring into Ryan's thoughtful blue eyes. There was no way he could fall back to sleep now. He couldn't relax enough to do so with the fear of continuing the dream…or nightmare. He sat up again, kicking off his blanket and walking toward the bathroom.

Ryan emerged from the bathroom later on, fully dressed and with wet air. He walked into Will's living room with bare feet and a wet towel thrown across his shoulder. "Hey, man…" Will said groggily as he sat up on the couch. I thought you'd never get out…you were in there for over an hour." Ryan sat down on the air mattress again acknowledging Will's comment and proceeding to rub the towel over his head as he stared blankly at the dirty carpet. Will looked at him strangely, sensing that something was bothering him. "Uh…is everything okay?" he asked curiously, looking towards the clock that now read 6:47. He glared at Ryan waiting for a reply as he just continued to nervously dry his hair.

"Dude, what's up?" he finally said, urgency in his voice. Ryan looked up at Will and bit his lip. He moved over to the side of the mattress and sat across from him, starting to put his shoes on. "Alright…but if I tell you…you promise not to mention any of it to Marissa?" Will leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs and nodding intently at Ryan's question. Ryan looked down again as he pulled on socks, finally turning to Will again. He hesitated slightly, not sure if he should tell him what happened or not. Will shook his head, searching for the words Ryan was trying so hard to say. "Did…something happen between you guys last night?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as he saw Ryan tense up.

"Kind of…" Ryan answered quietly. Will breathed in deeply and scrunched up his face. "What do you mean…kind of? Something either happened or it didn't." Ryan bit his lip again, pulling on a shoe and turning around to fully face Will. "Alright…well I kind of had this dream about…us." he started. Will broke into a smile and started nodding, putting the pieces together. "Ahh now I get it! That's why you were in the shower so long? You were cleaning off all your-" Ryan bugged his eyes, realizing what everything must look like to Will. "No! No, it's not that…I mean it wasn't that kind of dream…" Will's smile subsided as he sat back on the couch again.

"Oh. Bummer." He said, trying to flatten his bed head…or couch head in this case. "Whatever." Ryan said. "No, actually…I kissed her…in the dream, I mean." He stuttered. Will bobbed his head up and down, taking in what Ryan was saying. "Okay, I'm really not seeing how that's bad. You dreamt about making out with a hot girl. That's an amazing dream to me…" Ryan moved off the air mattress, pulling the clear flap open and pressing on the plastic as it compressed. "No, usually it would be to me too but uh…she turned me down. Flat out said no and ran back inside." Will shrugged and got off the couch to help Ryan completely flatten and roll up the mattress again.

"So that's what's bothering you? She turned you down in the dream?" he said. Ryan smirked and looked down toward the ground, seeing why Will thought it was amusing. "I guess. I just…" They both sat on the floor once the mattress was rolled, facing each other as Ryan trailed off. "You like her again, huh?" Will said, smiling at Ryan as he eyed him accusingly. "Dude, you love her!" he exclaimed when Ryan didn't say anything. Ryan slightly smiled, showing Will that he was 100 right. "Oh, man…" Will said, patting his friend on the shoulder. "You should have told me earlier. I wouldn't have hit on her…so much." He said. Ryan shook his head as he tucked in his PJs in the bag he'd packed, looking up at Will as he continued smiling.

"I don't know what to do anymore…" Ryan said. "I don't want what happened in the dream to happen for real. It was horrible. Like seriously…" he said. Will listened and gave Ryan a sympathetic look, picking up his shirt and smelling it to see if it was good to wear to class. He debated for a few seconds but then shrugged and nodded. He got up from the floor, shaking his head and walking over to another table across the room where piles of paper and books were stacked. "Well…it was a dream, dude. You don't know how she feels about you for real." He said, rummaging through the pile. "You know, to be honest…she was sneaking a few looks your way at lunch." Ryan looked at him hopefully, smiling to himself at that fact.

"Ah, here we go." Will said, pulling out a large book from the bottom of the pile, not caring that he made the rest fall to the floor. He pointed at the book and walked back over to Ryan. "I need this for my next class…which I'm gonna be late for if we don't go to breakfast." He said, looking at the clock and grabbing his keys. Ryan got up and grabbed his coat as Will opened the door for the two of them. They walked outside into the rain, strolling hurriedly toward campus. "Okay, so…" Will started. "If I were you I'd just try and be cool. Don't make it obvious that something's wrong. Don't worry…It'll be fine." He said to Ryan, giving him a reassuring pat on the back.

Ryan's heart beat fast as they walked, not knowing if he could really act cool in the situation ahead. He was so excited to meet her for breakfast when they'd talked about it last night, but he just couldn't shake the events of the dream out of his head. He really hoped she felt the same spark he had the night before. Ryan ran over what he was going to say as he and Will reached Berkeley's campus.


	20. The Dining Problem

**Chapter Twenty: The Dining Problem **

Ryan and Will strolled into the dining hall of Berkeley, shaking off their clothes and limbs as raindrops rolled off them and onto the floor. Ryan looked around the room nervously; searching tired faces for the one he actually dreaded seeing. Will led Ryan toward the lines of raggedy students; either still dressed in pajamas or wrinkled sweat pants for their morning classes. They weaved their way to the back of a line and stood as Ryan continued looking around, not paying attention to Will as he talked about breakfast.

"You wanna get pancakes? There are omelets that are pretty tasty…or we can go snag the cereal section. The breakfast food is actually not bad here. What do you think?" Will asked, looking from the front of the line to Ryan, who was looking the opposite way. "Ryan?" he called. Getting no response, Will leaned his head closer to Ryan's, loudening his voice and making it higher. "Ryyyaannn…" he dragged. Ryan finally snapped his head back toward Will, widening his eyes at how close he was. Will shook his head and returned to his previous standing position. "Dude, I don't think she's here yet. You don't have to worry." He assured him. Ryan smiled uneasily; sort of embarrassed by the fact that Will knew he was so nervous. "Yeah, yeah…" Ryan nodded, moving to stand next to Will in line and look ahead toward the food options.

The two walked back from the kitchen area, holding two large trays, stacked with food. There were pancakes, eggs, toast, hash browns, and little bottles of juice galore. Will led them to a small table in the corner of the hall and set down his tray. They both stood with their mountains of food, just surveying how good it really was to have parents who pay for it all. Will turned around again realizing they had nothing to eat with. "I'm gonna go get some napkins and forks." He stated, starting to walk back towards the lines. Ryan acknowledged Will and sat down, moving around plates and organizing each course he was going to consume at a time. He sat there, waiting for Will to return so they could start their breakfast eating fest. 

Ryan looked up from the table once he had picked what to eat first. He looked around nervously some more, leaning back in his seat to see if she had come through the doors yet. He thought about what Will had said. 'Just be cool…Don't make it obvious that something's wrong.' Ryan breathed in deeply and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans back and forth. He knew he shouldn't be nervous. They were just having breakfast right? It's not like he was gonna throw Marissa down on the table and take her to high heaven on top of the syrup…right? Of course not. Everything would stay cool for now. At least until the flirting got heavy again and they were left alone together. That's when he would get really nervous again. Nervous that his awful dream would eventually come true…

Will returned to the table, where he tossed several plastic utensils in Ryan's direction. He sat back down and "mmmmed" his tray, also sorting plates in order of consumption. He tore open a cream cheese packet and starting sloppily spreading it onto half a bagel with a plastic knife. "Dude we should totally have an eating contest." He started. "Me and my buddies do it all the time when we go out. See who can pack it in until they puke. Whoever's out first has to pay the bill." Ryan smirked and nodded, picking up his fork and glancing from all the plates to Will's big, now cream cheese covered grin. "Whatever you want man…" Ryan said smiling and pointing out to Will that he need to wipe his face.

"But what are we really competing for?" Ryan asked. "It's not like we're seeing who's gonna pay. You used your meal plan card." He said. Will nodded as he cleaned off his mouth, picking up his pancake plate. "Yeah, I know. We can do it just for fun. I have to warn you though…" he said looking straight at Ryan. "I am quite the eater. I've never lost before when it comes to eating contests." Ryan grunted and looked back at his plates. "I think I can handle it." He said. "I'm quite the eater too…" Will held up his fork to Ryan, who clanked it with his own as cheers before digging in.

They ate in silence, both breathing and chewing pretty heavily while moving from plate to plate. Ryan slowed down after a few minutes, trying to keep pace and not get too full, too soon. After he finished off his third plate, he sat back in his chair and rubbed his stomach, gawking at Will who had lifted a plate high off the table to scrape the remaining contents into his mouth. After he was satisfied with cleaning the plate, he put it to the side and grabbed another, picking at the food and humming slightly to himself casually as he continued shoveling food into his mouth. Ryan looked at his remaining plate. There was no way he could finish. "Alright…alright man." He said, trying to stop Will from eating any more. "You win, you win okay? Don't make yourself sick…"

Will looked up at Ryan in mid chew, putting down his fork and nodding. He swallowed and reluctantly pushed his plate further on the table. Ryan rubbed his stomach some more as he watched Will eye the plate. "You really wanna eat that don't you?" Ryan asked, smiling widely as Will nodded. "Oh, so bad!" he said, grabbing the plate back and shoving a whole pancake into his mouth. Ryan laughed and watched Will struggle to chew as his eyes rolled back and he groaned in satisfaction. Ryan gathered his plates and stacked them neatly on his tray, looking up toward the doors again.

His eyes widened and his heart stopped as he saw Marissa and another girl standing awkwardly in front of the entrance. Marissa was smiling and flattening out her hair as the other girl shook out the water from a large pink umbrella. Ryan watched with a stone face, utterly stunned by the fact that the girl looked almost exactly how he had pictured Marissa's freshman buddy to look in his dream. The two uttered a few words to each other as Marissa took the umbrella from the girl's hands and watched her walk off toward the lines for food.

Will finally topped off his last plate, wiped his mouth and sighed, finally full. He looked up at Ryan who seemed to be completely transfixed on something. Tracing Ryan's gaze forward, Will smiled and looked back and forth from Ryan to Marissa, laughing slightly at how nervous and stiff he became in her presence. "Moment of truth, man…" he said. Will gave Ryan a reassuring look and patted him on the shoulder, pointing toward Marissa, who now stood alone, looking through the crowds of people just like Ryan had.

Her eyes finally fell on Ryan and Will's table and she smiled widely, approaching them as the two sat silently staring. Marissa didn't even look at Will, just continued walking with her eyes glued to Ryan. She drew close to where they sat and stood before them with her coat and the pink umbrella. "Hey…" she simply said. Ryan just looked up at her with his mouth slightly open, hypnotized by her beauty and smell. She looked at him strangely when he didn't say anything back. Will looked at Ryan with wide eyes, finally clearing his throat and pretending to cough the word "cool" non-saliently. 

Ryan closed his mouth uncomfortably and blinked several times, looking back up at Marissa whose face was furrowed in confusion. "H-Hi…" Ryan said quietly stuttering. Marissa smiled at him again, letting her jacket hang on one arm as she shifted, still standing. "So…Kristin just went to go get us some food." Marissa stated, pointing to the kitchen area. "Is it okay if we sit with you guys?" Ryan continued to stare awkwardly as he turned his eyes toward Will for help. "Oh, oh yeah sure." Will said, sliding over to make room for Marissa to sit down. "I'm sure Ryan would love you to." Marissa nodded and sat down where Will previously was, finally noticing that he was there and giving him an awkward glance. What was she supposed to say after the way he left things the other night? 

Will sensed her uneasiness and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his neck. "You know Marissa…I just really wanted to apologize for what happened. I was totally out of line and I'm sorry." He said shooting her a cute smile. Marissa shifted in her seat, shrugging her shoulders and nodding at Will. "It's okay…" she said quietly. Will looked down at the table and then back up toward Marissa. "Really…I'm not like that. I was just…I don't know. I just hope we can be friends. No drugs or peer pressure included?" Marissa giggled and agreed, finally smiling at Will who turned back to face Ryan.

Ryan sat there, once again staring down at the table like he had the day before at lunch. He was so not sticking to the plan to be cool. Marissa obviously sensed that something was up. He was completely silent and acting very nervous. "Are you okay?" she said, lowering her head to look at Ryan's face. He raised his head and looked up at her, glancing toward Will who gave Ryan an angry face. Will nudged his head in Marissa's direction, trying any way he could to make Ryan go back to the plan. He was completely blowing it for himself. Ryan cleared his throat and looked back at Marissa again. "Yeah, I'm fine." He said, a little calmer this time. Will gave Ryan a big thumb up, smiling widely at him reassuringly until Marissa turned to him. Will then turned his head the other way and rubbed his own arm, trying to make it seem like he was doing that the whole time.

Marissa shook her head and looked down at the table herself. "Well look at the time…" Will said, picking up his sleeve and looking at an imaginary watch. "I should take off. Don't want to be late for class, so I'll leave you two alone…" he said, getting up with his tray. He picked up his books from the table with the other hand and looked over and Ryan. "I'll be out soon to meet you back at my place so I can see you off." He turned and dumped the breakfast garbage in a nearby trash can, placing his tray on top as he turned back to the table and gave Ryan a wave. He started walking away but then stopped and turned back. "Oh and… nice seeing you again Marissa. I'll see you later too, I guess." He said, flashing them both a quick smile.

Marissa sighed as she and Ryan were left at the table. She turned to look back at the food lines, wondering what was taking Kristin so long. She was laughing and flirting with some guy as people passed them in line, obviously not caring about breakfast or Marissa. Marissa scoffed and turned back towards Ryan who was nervously playing with his fingers. She leaned forward to rest her arms on the table, biting her lip slightly and wondering what was going on. "So…" she started. "I had a lot of fun last night, you know? You made me feel better." She said, smiling at him truthfully as he blushed at her words. "It's really nice to know you're here. It's comforting…" she finished.

Ryan couldn't help but smile and agree with what she said. As cool as it was to get away and experience something other than home, it was still very comforting to know that Marissa would be there with him. She would be his safe house there; a piece of home to take to college. Ryan thought about all the possibilities that could come from this. He and Marissa could reconnect once again and finally make it work, away from everything in Newport that had previously torn them apart. Maybe things could be perfect this time…if it were really even possible. Or maybe things would turn out exactly like his dream. He'd invest in his feelings and act on them…just to be turned down flat by the girl he loves.

Every horrible feeling and memory of that dream rushed back to him as he sat there staring at her. He looked at her face, her lips…that he could almost remember kissing him back before she broke away in tears. He looked over her body and clothing, remembering her silk PJs and cute little bath robe she had worn to answer the door of Kristin's apartment. Her hair looked like it had…loosely thrown up but still looking clean and perfect. She looked happy to him now, but he couldn't get the image of her crying and upset out of his mind. Not again. He'd made her cry again. Even if it was only a dream…

Ryan turned his face straight, panicking in the moment and not knowing what else there possibly was to say to her without making her believe he was crazy. They were left alone, which he already knew would make him nervous. "Uh…" he said stupidly. "I should um…I need to go and start packing." He said getting up. "The plane leaves in a few hours and I have stuff to do while Will's in class." he said lying, turning to walk away hurriedly. He didn't have anything to do. He really just didn't want to throw up the three plates of pancakes and eggs in front of all the people he'd be going to school with in the fall. Marissa sat there dumbfounded and alone at the table…wondering why he had changed his mind about them.


	21. Reading Between the Lines

**Chapter Twenty-One: Reading Between the Lines **

Marissa sat at the table and sighed, resting her elbows lazily on the wood and running a hand through her wet and wavy hair. She sat back in her seat in the dining hall and rubbed a hand over her face as she stared blankly ahead. Kristin still hadn't come back with their breakfast yet, so she sat there alone, thinking about Ryan and this current situation. Did that seriously just happen? Why was he acting so nervous and strange around her? She thought things were going great between them the night before. What happened in the past few hours that brought them back to this point?

Marissa scoffed, eternally smacking herself for thinking maybe she and Ryan could try again…for what? The fourth time now? Why did everything always have to drive them apart? Why couldn't they love each other enough to make things work 'til they were blue? This break up hit her especially hard. It was a point in her life when she needed him most. Needed him there to hold her and tell her things would be okay. Be there to calm her nerves about leaving Newport and starting over. She knew the only thing that would keep her goin was Ryan…until now.

Why had she been so stupid? She and Ryan had promised each other that they'd stick together no matter what…that they would just put all the crap that happened with Trey behind them, start over together and overcome whatever the future had in store for them. Obviously that didn't really happen. Instead…she got kicked out of school and met Johnny Harper, the guy that pretty much ruined everything and made Marissa break that promise. He was a good friend to Marissa for a long time, but things just got too hard. He had fallen in love with her, tried to kiss her on occasion, even told her to choose between him and Ryan.

Marissa knew she and Johnny had a connection, but it wasn't the same kind of connection she felt when she was with Ryan. It wasn't that kind of mysterious curiosity she always had when she was near him…wondering what he was thinking about at all times, wondering if he was just as happy as she was when they were together. She liked not knowing. It kept things exciting, until things got complicated and they fought again. Everything just through her for a loop when Johnny died. She didn't know how to react or feel about it…him. Even if she didn't have any romantic feelings for Johnny, even if she did ultimately chose to be with Ryan… he was still her friend, and he meant something to her just like all friends are supposed to. 

Why did it have to happen? Why? Especially on the one Valentine's Day she and Ryan could spend together without fighting or kissing other girls. It was supposed to be perfect and that day completely crashed and burned. She had struck a nerve in Ryan's heart…saying he was happy that Johnny was gone. How could she? After everything he'd done…everything he put up with over the months and months of this ridiculous love triangle…after being there for her with a comforting smile, just to be ignored and snapped at for something he had no control over.

She ruined and broke their relationship once again, after they were just getting things back on track. She turned Johnny down….wrote him the note expressing who she really wanted, and finally reconnected with Ryan for those short few minutes of passion. Marissa hated herself for not turning off her cell phone before the whole ordeal. For some reason…they were always interrupted at times like that. It was like the cellular God wanted to put a stop to it or something.

The only reason she was happy she hadn't…was because Kaitlin would have been there alone to deal with Johnny's drunken incoherence. She would have no one to turn to and would probably never forgive herself if Johnny fell while she was just standing there and watching. If anything, Kaitlin would have had to climb that cliff too just to get him to calm back down and walk to safety…while Marissa and Ryan were getting busy on the pool house futon. Marissa herself would feel guilty too…guilty for not being there for two other people…three if you count Ryan, who was pretty disappointed when they had to stop their foreplay session.

Marissa sat at the table, still alone…going through all of it in her head. Trey. The shooting. Dean Hess. Newport Union. Johnny. Chili. Casey. Her father. Ryan…Volchok. She sighed and sunk back in her seat to lean her head back on the chair. Volchok. Why would she ever in her right mind want to date him? She thought about everything they had done in the past few weeks…everything that led up to that point. Everything was going fine…and least for Newport standards… and then suddenly she found herself sleeping with the guy who kidnapped her only to get to Ryan and snorting coke in the back of his van. 

She was someone she hated when she was with him, the burnout who completely gave up on life once things got too hard. She dismissed her mother when she knew all she wanted was to keep her safe and be there for her finally…and fought with Summer over something juvenile and as absurd as "heavy metal vomit parties". She knew she needed to get out after what happened with Heather. Even though Volchok had nothing to do with that particular incident…she couldn't help but think he had done it before. He friends seemed to be pros at the process.

Marissa looked away from the table to the food lines again…still seeing Kristin deep in flirtatious conversation. How long did it take to put pancakes on a tray and walk back? The guy could have even come to sit with them just so she could eat….not that she was even hungry now anyway. Marissa grew impatient and finally got up from the table to walk over. She politely made her presence known my leaning in her head and clearing her throat. "Hey, uh…" she started, looking at Kristin and the guy awkwardly. "I'm actually not feeling very well so I was just wondering if I could have the key to go back." Kristin didn't even look at Marissa…just handed her the key ring to her apartment and kept right on chatting with the guy.

Marissa thanked Kristin sarcastically and went back to the table to retrieve her coat and umbrella. Maybe if she just went back to the apartment and lay back down for a while, things would begin to make some sense. Maybe when she saw Ryan in a few hours, things would be back to normal again for the plane ride. Maybe. Hopefully. Marissa pulled her arms through the sleeves of her wet jacket and walked through the dining hall in the direction of the exit and entrance doors. She stopped abruptly once outside and stood under the overhang to open her umbrella.

It was still pouring. She wondered when all this rain would finally stop…when the sun would come back out and brighten at least something in her life. Marissa positioned the umbrella over her head as she forced herself out into the pounding water. She jogged slightly; trying to get to Kristin's as fast as possible so she wouldn't have to completely ring herself out once she was there. There was really only one thing she knew would make her feel better at a time like this…only one thing she could do to comfort her now. She needed to call Summer…


	22. A Friend's Advice in Times of Need

**Chapter Twenty-Two: A Friend's Advice in Times of Need **

Marissa hurried into Kristin's apartment, slamming the door with both hands as the wind picked up and blew outside. She breathed outward and retracted her umbrella, throwing it in the corner of the room next to her suitcase. She peeled off her jacket and slung it over a chair in the living room, shaking off her limbs as beads of water dripped off onto the floor. Marissa groaned at how soaked she was and lifted up her long sleeve shirt over her head and now very damp hair. She rolled the shirt up in a ball and shoved it into a small backpack she brought, standing in the room alone in only her bra and jeans.

She moved back to the corner where her suitcase was placed, unzipping it and rummaging through its contents. She pulled out a thin pink t-shirt, a dry pair of fitted jeans, and a white zip-up hooded sweatshirt, which she put in a small pile on the floor where she sat. Silently, she redressed in the clean and dry clothing, again stuffing the remaining wet ones into the backpack. Marissa moved through the small apartment, toward the bathroom, where she flipped on the light and glared at herself in the mirror. Her hair was damp and frizzed and black streaks of eye-liner ran down her face. She turned on the faucet, still looking at herself and then leaned down into the running water to wash off her face.

Once emerged from the water, she pulled her hair up into a high bun; letting pieces of hair encircle her face. She dried herself, pulled down her sleeves and walked back out into the main living space. Marissa plopped down on the couch in the center of the room, clad with pink fuzzy girl pillows and little beanbags shaped like flowers. She lay back, getting comfortable in the cushions as she stared up at the ceiling. This sucked. Major, major "What is my life coming to?" suckiness…She closed her eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath and trying to relax. Turning her head to look at the coffee table, Marissa leaned forward to reach for her cell phone, finally returning to lay her head and back on the sofa. She held the phone for a few seconds, twisting it in her hands until she finally flipped it open and pressed her first speed dial number.

"Hello?" Summer said groggily on the opposite line. "Hey Sum…" Marissa said gloomily. "Did I wake you? Isn't it like almost nine?" Marissa listened intently waiting for Summer's reply. "Oh, no Coop…you didn't wake me. You're hearing the sound of my influenza ridden voice…I guess I'm just not use to the cold here. Woke up this morning and couldn't pick my head up. Seth just ran to get me some soup and medicine." She explained, coughing slightly and moaning with uncomfort. Marissa frowned and groaned into the phone, feeling sorry for her friend. "Aw, Sum. That sucks." She said. "Well besides your sudden illness…how's Brown? Everything you expected?" Marissa pulled the phone away from her ear with a confused look as Summer violently blew her nose on the other end, sniffing and breathing heavily.

"I actually really like it." Summer admitted. "I mean, the people are all big brainiacs like Cohen, but as long as he's here with me I'm sure I'll be fine...what about you? Is Berkeley everything you hoped for?" Marissa looked down at her chest, still holding the phone. She really wasn't sure about how she felt about it yet. She'd been there only a day, after all. "I uh…I can't really answer that question right now. We've only been here a little while. To be honest…I don't really know if I'm ready for all of this yet. College, you know?" she sighed, playing with the zipper on her sweatshirt. She moved her eyes upward once again, switching the phone to the other ear and staring blankly at the wall.

"Yeah, I know…" Summer replied. "But at least Atwood's there too, right? How does he like college life?" Marissa closed her eyes at the mention of Ryan's name, frowning to herself and again, thinking about what happened that morning. "I really wouldn't know how he feels because as of today…he isn't speaking or even looking at me…" Summer's brow furrowed in confusion. On the plane ride to Rhode Island she and Seth had taken bets on how much longer it would take for Ryan and Marissa to pull it together. They both new their friends missed each other and knew it would only be a matter of time before it happened. Why not make some money out of it in the process? 

"What!? Why?" Summer asked, coughing again as the sudden gasps of air left her mouth. "Don't tell me he's still mad over…whatever the hell it is he was mad at!" she said, her voice growing louder with anger. Marissa smirked at her friend's enthusiasm, once again blinking sadly and thinking about Ryan. "I don't know, Sum. Everything was going great. We ate lunch together yesterday, and he took me to a nearby diner at night. He bought me dinner again! Everything was perfect. When he walked me back we even made plans for breakfast and the ride home…" Summer listened quietly on the other line, trying to figure out why Ryan was acting so strangely. "Okay…then what happened?"

"That's the thing I don't understand. This morning when I met him for breakfast, he was acting really nervous around me and like…avoiding eye contact. His freshman buddy had a class, and as soon as he left and we were alone he just made up an excuse to leave." Marissa sighed again, and shook her head in thought. "I don't know what to do, Sum. You think he's having second thoughts?" she asked, finally pausing to rethink her statement. "Or maybe I was just looking to much into it? Maybe he didn't feel the same thing I felt last night…" she said, her voice getting lower as she trailed off in sadness.

"Aw, Coop…" Summer said empathetically. "I'm sure it's not like that. Atwood loves you. It's so obvious. You should have seen him when you were missing. He was depressed and secluded the whole time without you." Marissa sat up against the cushions, moving herself to sit forward and rest her legs on the coffee table. "Than why would he break up with me in the first place!?" she bellowed. "If he was so heart broken than why avoid the situation now?" Summer was surprised by Marissa's sudden truthful outburst, but knew she was right…why were boys like that? "Look, Coop…" Summer started. "I don't know what goes on in the mysterious minds of men…but I think maybe Chino's just scared. Maybe he just doesn't want to get too attached again, knowing how well you guys end up." 

Marissa breathed outward angrily, still shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "Than don't get my hopes up that we're getting to that point again…the point where the tensions are high and he buys me dinner. He can act as nervous and confused as he wants, but don't make me look stupid by shooting down any chance we had last night." Seth walked into the room with a tupperware of soup and Rite Aid bag as Summer sat and listened to Marissa. She looked up at Seth, mouthing Marissa and pointing to the phone as Seth nodded and set the soup down on the table. "Ok listen…I would just tell Ryan how you feel. Don't tell me, tell him. If he knows you're all in, maybe it'll change his mind."

Seth raised his eyebrows and smirked, hearing Summer give romantic advice to Marissa on the phone. He loved when the cycle started with Ryan and Marissa again…the awkward sexual tension, the nervousness and fear of failure, and ultimately their obvious feeling of lust and love. "I don't know…at this point I don't want to talk to him either." Marissa answered, rubbing her eyes and running a hand through her hair. "I need to pack and get ready to go to the airport. I'll see you soon." She said, flipping her phone shut and tossing it across the sofa.

"What's goin' on?" Seth asked as Summer hung up. "Oh…just more 'Maryan' problems…you know them. They avoid what they both want until it's too late." Seth frowned and nodded as he reached for the soup and uncapped the lid. "How are you feeling at least? I don't want people looking at us when you hack up a lung on the plane." Summer half smiled and playfully swatted Seth's arm, thanking him for the soup and cough drops he gave her. "I think we need a new plan…." She said, slurping casually and eyeing Seth.


	23. The Need to Talk

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Not Knowing; The Need to Talk **

Will hurried into his apartment, throwing his books to the sofa and pushing the door shut as he stood dripping on the carpet. He shook off his wet hair and peeled off his jacket, looking up to see Ryan sprawled out on the floor with his travel bag and the remote control. "Hey, man" Will said, slipping off his shoes and walking fully into the room. Ryan turned his head and raised his eyebrows at Will, who was now completely soaked from head to toe. "What'd you do? Take a dip in the school pool on your way back from class?" he joked, his eyes moving around Will. Will looked down at himself and half smiled. "Close...but no. It's raining like…elephants and camels out there."

Ryan looked at him strangely. "Don't you mean cats and dogs?" Will shook his head as he stood dripping before Ryan. "No, this is a different…bigger kind of rain. Big droplets make me think of big animals, so why not elephants and camels?" Ryan smiled and chuckled at Will's playful banter. "So…" Will said, turning around the corner into his room to retrieve a dry pair of clothes. "How was breakfast? You two in love again?" he called out. Ryan looked down at his chest as he lay there on the floor. He sat up and flicked off the TV as Will returned to the room, pulling on a cotton t-shirt that matched his Berkeley sweats.

"Well?" he said when Ryan remained silent. Ryan leaned back against the couch, pulling his legs upward to rest his forearms on. He sighed to himself and looked up at Will again, slightly frowning. Will scrunched up his face and also sighed, walking toward Ryan and flopping down on the couch, close to where he sat. He leaned back into the cushions and leaned slightly in Ryan's direction. "Huh…" he said. "Well what happened? Is she not interested?" Ryan breathed in deeply and shook his head no as he pulled himself up to actually sit on the opposite end of the couch. "I-I don't know" he started. "I'm just starting to think what we're doing isn't really a good idea."

Will listened, looking around the room curiously, his eyes finally brightening when they landed on the bag of Chex Mix next to where he sat. He reached for it, unrolling the top and shoving his hand inside. "Why do you say that?" he mumbled, shoving his mouth full of salty goodness. He chewed loudly, offering the bag to Ryan as well who merely resurfaced from the bag with 2 chex and a pretzel. "I don't know" he said again. "It's just…that dream really got to me I guess." Will moved forward in an instant, widening his eyes and trying hard to swallow so he could speak. "Dude, are you serious!?" he finally managed. "You're still hung up on that?" 

Ryan shrugged as he placed the chex mix in his mouth, chewing slowly and staring at a spot on the floor. He really didn't want to be. He'd give anything just to forget the dream ever happened, but in the back of his mind, he couldn't shake. Even if it was a stupid dream, even if it really meant absolutely nothing, Ryan couldn't help but think that could really come true. That he would almost throw himself at her in hopes that she felt the same way…only to be left out in the pouring rain with his soaking clothes and broken heart. The best way to not make that happen, he thought, was to take himself out of the running completely.

"Ryan, listen to me" Will said in mid-chew. "You love Marissa right?" Ryan sighed and took another handful of chex, looking up at Will and leaning back against the cushions. "Well…well, yeah." he said. "Yeah, I do." Will smiled and nodded. "Then why are you doing this to yourself man? Just…tell her how you feel. If you love her than tell her…don't tell me." Ryan blinked over and over, taking in Will's advice. "I can't…I can't just tell her something like that point blank and not expect it to be awkward. Will, I'm really trying here. I just don't…I don't know." 

"Dude, now you're just making crap up. You're starting to convince me that this isn't really what you want. If I was you…I would have done it as soon as I saw her." Ryan bit his lip slightly and closed his eyes. He sat there for a few seconds, thinking about what he'd gotten himself into. "It's just…I mean, I'm the one who broke up with her. We said it was sort of mutual but it was really me who initiated the whole thing and now…if I tell her, try and get her back again…I just don't want her to think that I want this again because Sadie left." Will turned his head slightly and looked at Ryan confused. "Who's Sadie?" he asked. "Oh…she was just this girl that I kinda hooked up with after the break-up." Ryan explained. "Things didn't really work out between us…so she went back home." "Ah" Will said with a smirk. "Was she hot?" 

Ryan chuckled and looked at the wall beside him. "Yeah, I guess she was." he replied. Will sat up; smiling that he lightened the mood a little. "But not as hot as Marissa, huh?" he said. "I could tell by the no-so-enthusiastic 'I guess'…" Ryan raised his eyebrows, concurring Will's statement. "Anyway…" Will continued. "Back to the Marissa madness. I really don't think she'll take this Sadie chick into consideration. If you tell her that breaking up with her was a mistake and that you really want to give things a go again…I really don't see how the girl can resist. They like that kind of gushy romance crap."

"We'll see…" Ryan said. He looked at the floor again, then glanced over to the small digital clock. He groaned, knowing that the plane ride home was approaching. Marissa was obviously confused about his actions and or behavior, and he was getting more and more nervous every minute that passed. What was he supposed to say now that he basically avoided her at breakfast? What was he supposed to say? "Oh, hey Marissa…sorry about the way I acted before…I just sort of had this dream where I kissed you and you cried." He was totally screwed.

"Alright, well" said Will. "While you finish getting your stuff together, I'm gonna go see if I have any more food." Ryan shook his head and smirked as Will got up and moseyed into his tiny kitchen. Did that guy ever stop eating? Ryan sat still while he heard Will slam cabinet after cabinet. He thought about old times like this…when he asked Seth what he should do when a certain Cooper girl got him down. Whether it was Seth or Will, they always seemed to be the 'straight forward' types of guys. They said what they felt, even if they ended up miserable for doing so.

Why wasn't Ryan that type of guy? Why couldn't he just march right up to Marissa and pour his heart out? He had once before, on the Ferris wheel…and well everyone knows how that turned out. Maybe things would happen the same way now. He didn't know. He didn't know whether she would feel the same way…or make him regret his decision completely, letting the events of his dream come true. Ryan really didn't know anything at that point…except that he and Marissa really, really…needed to talk..


	24. Heading Home Or Not

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Heading Home…Or Not **

Ryan zipped the last of his stuff into his bag, pulling down his shirt and looking around Will's apartment one last time. He scanned over everything…the dirty carpet, the mess of papers on the floor, the various places bags of chips were thrown in times of relaxation. He smiled to himself as he threw the bag on the couch. Even if it was only for a day, he had had a lot of fun at Berkeley. Despite the whole Marissa debacle, Will made the whole situation kind of okay. He kept the mood up and was a good friend and advice giver to Ryan even in such a short amount of time. It felt good to be accepted and know he had at least one friend at college.

Ryan sat and waited on the couch until Will emerged from his room, freshly showered and dressed. "Hey…" he said somberly to Ryan. Ryan looked up from the floor to face Will, tilting his head in acknowledgement. Will plopped down on the couch next to Ryan's bag, sighing to himself and looking around the room just like Ryan had. "So…" he said. "I guess this is it, huh?" Ryan smirked and swallowed, nodding at Will as they sat and stared. "My plane leaves in a little over an hour." He explained. Will nodded and sat back into the couch. "It's been fun, man." "Yeah", Ryan replied. 

"Oh, wait, wait…" Will said, getting up from the couch in a hurry. He went back into his room and called back to Ryan. "I uh…I got you a little something." He said, reappearing in the living room with a navy blue t-shirt. He outstretched it across his chest, looking down at it, than back at Ryan. On the shirt, there were letters spelling out "Berkeley" across the front. Will somewhat crumpled it back up and threw it on Ryan's lap as he stood in his bedroom doorway. "It's not much, but I figured you'd like it." Ryan half smiled, picking up the shirt and looking at it again. "No, no it's great. Thanks, man. You really didn't have to…" "I wanted to." Will interjected.

"Thanks." Ryan said again. He folded up the shirt and unzipped his bag, letting it lay on top of his remaining clothing. He checked his watch and got up from the couch. "I guess I should get going then. I called a cab a few minutes ago…" Ryan picked up his bag and jacket, slowly walking over to where Will stood. "Thanks for…everything." he said, extending his arm out for a friendly hand shake. Will smiled down at his hand as he took it and pulled Ryan into a brotherly hug. They pushed apart and Will patted Ryan on the shoulder. "Good luck, buddy." he said. "I'll catch ya here next year. We'll hang out." Ryan nodded as he reached for the door. "Yeah…have a good summer." He said, opening the door and giving Will a last glance. 

"Oh and hey…" Will said, grabbing the door before it closed. "Good luck with your lady." Ryan shook his head as he stepped out onto the stoop. "Yeah, thanks" he said with a laugh, walking down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk.

Ryan walked through the Berkeley campus, hurrying slightly so he didn't get completely drenched. He approached the entrance of the school, hoping the cab would be waiting for him so he wouldn't have to wait in the storm. He walked down the sidewalks and past the main college buildings, reaching the end of the campus where the sidewalks met the street. He groaned to himself as he looked around the empty road, seeing no cab driver cranking the lovely, lovely heat. He kept his bag close to him, praying that the water wasn't soaking through. Ryan stood there, quietly waiting until he heard approaching foot steps and a throat clearing in the distance. From behind the brick partitions, separating the outside street to the campus, came Marissa who was lugging a little pink suitcase behind her. A thin cotton hood was draped over her head as she walked, dragging her suit case through the puddles.

She stopped and leaned against the wall with the metal "Berkeley" lettering, trying desperately to shade herself from the downpour. She groaned, still acting as a target to the droplets, finally freezing as she saw Ryan standing a mere few feet away. Her eyes grew wide and she looked back behind her, tilting her head and looking for something. "W-What are you doing out here?" she asked, turning back to Ryan with squinted eyes through the rain. "I was just gonna ask you the same thing…" he said nervously staring at her. "I…I'm supposed to be waiting here for my stupid freshman buddy. She wouldn't let me call a cab because she said she wanted to take me to the air port as an apology for ignoring me all weekend…and now she's nowhere in sight." She finished, again looking back to see if Kristin was coming.

Marissa sighed, leaning back against the wall again and pulling down her hood farther down her head. "What about you?" she asked. Ryan cleared his throat and pointed toward the street. "Oh I uh, I called a cab before…should be here any minute." Marissa nodded as she continued squinting through the rain, looking down the street herself. The two of them stood awkwardly on either side of the Berkeley entrance, trying to tent themselves from the rain and look as casual as possible. Of course, neither of them could show that anything was bothering them. They had to pretend everything was peachy in order to avoid any situation that might include actual conversation.

They staid in that exact position, Marissa occasionally looking behind her again to see if Kristen had appeared. A cab finally pulled up and came to a stop where they stood, a man coming out of the driver's side. "You Ryan?" he asked. Ryan nodded. "Sorry I'm late kid…this storm is a killer." He said, grabbing Ryan's bag to put in the trunk. "It's not a problem." Ryan replied, walking to the cab and opening one of the side doors. He paused, looking back at Marissa who was sadly staring at the car, water dripping down her nose and soaking body. Ryan sighed and looked back at the school, seeing nothing but cascading water. "Hey you uh…you need a ride?" he called back at her. She looked at him, her face scrunched and unsure. "You sure it's okay?" Ryan looked at the driver who gave him a reassuring nod. "Yeah of course…come on." He said, taking her bag and sliding into the back seat.

Ryan and Marissa trudged into the air port as hundreds of people swirled about the entrance around them. Ryan led them through the crowd, reading signs and hurrying passed the various groups of tourists. They finally stopped at their terminal and took a seat to wait. "You want a soda or something?" Ryan asked. "You hungry or thirsty?" he said with a half smile. Marissa stared coldly ahead. "Nope…I'm just perfect." She replied flatly. Ryan looked at her confused but didn't think much of it. "Okay well…I'm gonna go get a water for the plane ride." He said, getting up and walking hurriedly toward a food court. Marissa sighed in her seat, clenching her jaw and shaking her head in frustration. What was his problem? The whole ride there he didn't say more than two words to her and couldn't possibly sit any further away in the back seat. What happened? She really couldn't understand what went on in his head for more than three seconds at a time.

He returned with his water, plopping down once again in the seat next to her. He offered her a magazine which she snippily declined, continuing to stare at the gum filled floor before her. Ryan shook his head in confusion, wondering why she seemed angry. "Is um…something wrong?" he asked vulnerably. "No, nothing at all." She said, not making eye contact. "Okay then…" Ryan said, opening the magazine and flipping through the pages himself. About twenty minutes passed and their boarding call never came. Marissa sat there, bored and resting her head on a balled fist that slunk on one of the arm rests. Ryan had almost completely finished his water bottle and was reading about who had broken up with whom that week…not that he really cared.

"What's taking so long?" Marissa asked in frustration. "I don't know…I'll ask." Ryan got up from his seat and walked over to an open desk. He waited to receive the clerk's attention and then gave a friendly smile. "Excuse me. Hi. Uh…can you tell me what's taking so long on the flight departures?" The clerk looked out the nearby window and then turned back to Ryan. "It seems as though the storm is interfering with all the flights. Most are delayed if not canceled until further notice." The old woman said. "I'm sorry son. There's a screen there where you can look and see the estimated wait."

She pointed to a wall further in the air port, where red words scrolled and flashed. "Thank you…" he said, giving her a slight wave and turning around. He looked back to Marissa, giving her a 'one second' hand gesture and walking toward the crowds of people looking at the screen. He searched through the scrolling letters, locating "Flight 126 to Orange County" and seeing its current position. Delayed: 12-15 hours. Ryan stumbled back toward Marissa, pulling out his cell phone and stopping where they're stuff was laid. "Bad news." he said. "The flight is delayed…a long time." Marissa rolled and her eyes and sighed, giving Ryan a disappointed look and crossing her legs.

"I'm just gonna make a call…" he said, walking over to a large window for better service. It was really coming down out there. He flipped open his phone and dialed, finally placing it to his ear and waiting for a response. "Hello? Kirsten, hi… it's Ryan." He said. The line crackled a little but he could still make out her voice. "Ryan, hi. Is everything okay?" she asked concerned. "Yeah, I'm fine." He answered. "But uh…our flight is delayed 12 hours. It's raining really hard here." Kirsten breathed out and nodded as she listened. "Yeah, here too. I was worried this would happen. Seth called earlier too and said he'd probably have the same problem." 

Ryan stared out the window as thunder clapped and lightening lit up the sky. "So what should I do? I have Marissa with me…she couldn't get a ride back so I took her." Kirsten slightly smiled as she stood in the Cohen kitchen. She knew it was only a matter of time before Ryan and Marissa got less awkward and cozier again. They always did. "Well you don't really wanna sit in the air port for that long do you?" she asked. Ryan raised his eyebrows and looked back at Marissa who was impatiently tapping her foot and yawning in a daze. "No, definitely not." He said, turning back to the window. "Alright well…you need to find a place to stay. Can I trust you to rent a hotel room for the night? You can pay with the card I gave you…"


	25. Motel Misery

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Motel Misery **

Ryan closed his phone, his face surprised at the offer Kirsten had just made. He sauntered over to Marissa who was still sitting and looking at him curiously, wondering who he had just spoken to. "That was Kirsten…" he said. "Apparently Seth's flight is delayed too... I guess this rain is affecting everyone." Marissa sighed, wishing she could just go home again but knowing that it wasn't possible for another 12-15 hours. "Okay well, what do we do now then?" she asked. Ryan looked around uncomfortably, knowing very well what they could do, but not sure how Marissa would feel about it. "Well Kirsten gave me a credit card the other day…said I could use it for emergencies and stuff. She just suggested that we get a hotel room for the night…figured that would be the most comfortable."

Ryan braced himself for Marissa's angry expression and disgusted sigh, only to be surprised when neither appeared. "Oh" she said. "Okay, good." Ryan's eyes grew wide as he nodded, relieved that she was okay with it. "It's better than staying here all day…our plane was supposed to leave like an hour ago." She finished. "Yeah…" Ryan agreed, his hands in his pockets. He smiled weakly at her and the two stood staring at each other amongst the hustle and bustle. They stayed that way for several seconds, feeling like there was no one else around them…until Ryan was bumped forward by a man with a luggage load. Ryan went flying forward, catching himself on Marissa's chair, his face inches away from hers as he held himself up with his hands on both arm rests. "Oh…pardon me." The man said.

He wheeled past Ryan who reluctantly gave him a nod. He brushed himself off and cleared his throat as he stepped back away from Marissa's chair. She looked at him, sensing his nervousness and complete surprise. She quietly giggled as him as he looked back toward the guy, scrunching his face and shaking his head. He turned back to Marissa who immediately stopped laughing. She sniffled and looked back toward the ground, still trying to be mad at him for one reason or another. "So…" Ryan said. "I guess we should get going, huh?" She nodded and got up from the seat, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. Ryan bent down where he previously sat, also grabbing his bag and making a start toward the exits of the air port.

Ryan and Marissa walked together, weaving through luggage and more groups of people, distraught with their delayed or cancelled flights. Ryan slightly limped, for his ankle was clipped by the luggage cart. He groaned as they walked, leaning to one side so his bag became less heavy. The two of them made their way outside, as traffic ran along the flooded streets. Ryan waved his arm in the air, yelling "Taxi!" 

Ryan and Marissa's cab pulled into the parking lot of the Sandy Shore Motel as the wind shield wipers frantically swayed back and forth across the glass of the car. The two of them grudgingly looked at the rundown motel, not wanting to get out of the nice warm cab and be deserted in that hell hole. "Uh…you sure this is the closest place around here?" Ryan asked the cab driver. The man looked at Ryan through the directional mirror. "Unfortunately, yes. Unless you want to pay for another 11 miles, this'll have to do kid…" he said. "I know it's not exactly living large."

"MMM" Ryan agreed. Marissa sighed and looked at Ryan, her face troubled and somewhat unsure. "Alright well…" he said. "Thanks." Ryan dug for his wallet in one of his jean pockets, pulling out the amount owed and handing it to the driver. He opened the side door of the car as water pounded on the concrete and metal cover of the cab. Ryan got out hurriedly, holding out his hand inside the cab for Marissa to take. She ignored the gesture and slid out of the car, clutching her bag and repositioning her hood over her head. She shrieked as she stood up, water once again engulfing her body. Ryan swiftly moved to the back of the cab again and retrieved his own suit case, leading Marissa to the hotel overhang as the man pulled away.

"This is just great." Marissa complained. "I'm soaked to the skin and I can't even use the towels here. I'll get like…Hepatitis B or something." Ryan shook his head at her comments as he looked around the deserted parking lot. There was a sign written in neon lights that read "Check In" around the corner. "Come on…" Ryan said. "Let's at least go inside." They moved to the furthest possible square inch of the overhang, standing droopily as a bucket full of water cascaded down the plastic. "Okay… on the count of three, book it." Ryan said. Marissa nodded her head as she clutched her bag tightly. "One…two…three." They both took off running in the direction of shelter, squinting their eyes as the rain pelted their moving bodies.

Reaching the other side, Ryan pulled open the door and lightly pushed Marissa inside before him. The stood in a small room with an empty desk filled with papers. They looked around, faces wet and water dripping off their bodies, onto the floor. There was no movement in the room, only a sign on the desk that said "Ring bell for Service". Ryan looked at Marissa and shrugged, moving toward the desk to pat the small bell. "Hello?" he called, waiting for someone to come and help them. After a few seconds, a large woman wobbled out from behind the wall, carrying half a sandwich. "Sorry…" she said. "I'm on my lunch break. But uh…how can I help you kids?"

"Uh…we'd like a room." Marissa said, placing her bag down by her feet on the dirty floor. The woman smiled, revealing pieces of olive stuck in her teeth from the sandwich she finally set down on the desk. "Alright, very good." She said, sitting down on the creaky wooden chair. She looked up at Ryan and Marissa, grabbing a pen and various pieces of paperwork. "Cash or charge?" she gushed.

Ryan pushed open the door to their hotel room, sliding the freshly used credit card back into his pocket. He patted the wall next to the door in the dark room, feeling for a light switch which he clicked on, revealing the complete horror that lay before him. The room was freakishly small and smelt of bleach and mildew. The carpet was torn and stained and on the single wooden dresser, sat an ancient television with a duck-taped remote control. He groaned as he stepped into the room in front of Marissa, who was equally appalled by the smell and look. "Oh man…" Ryan said as he stomped on several bugs that crawled across the carpet. "Yeah…we can't stay here." Marissa said, clutching her back with the fear of it touching anything around her.

"Where else are we supposed to go?" Ryan asked, looking around the room some more. "Come on…it probably won't be that bad. It's just for a night, right?" He finished, opening the blinds of the window as dust sprinkled out into his face. He coughed lightly, swatting the air and looking out the window. Even though it was early afternoon, the rain made the sky dark and gloomy. The rain still pounded against the pavement and thunder boomed, shaking every loose item in the room. Perfect weather for the worst night ever…

"There's only one bed." Marissa pointed out. "Hmm…" Ryan said, looking toward the center of the room where blankets were sloppily laid on a queen sized mattress. "Okay well…I can sleep on the floor if you want." He said, throwing his bag on the top of the dresser. Marissa sighed at his suggestion. "You can't sleep on the floor…especially not after you just killed a hundred prehistoric insects." she said, grimacing at the crumpled bug carcasses.

She finally set down her bag next to Ryan's and stood in the middle of the room. Ryan sat down carefully on the bed, bouncing slightly to test out its strength and to see if anymore bugs wanted to pop out and say hello. "You wanna sit?" he asked after several seconds of awkward silence. Marissa looked down at the bed, unenthusiastically moving to sit next to Ryan. She sat awkwardly beside him as they both stared at a certain stain on the carpet. "So…" Ryan said, looking up to face her. She looked up to see him as well, nodding her head and saying "So…" in return. "You wanna go eat or…something?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood and give them something to do rather than sit there in hell.

"I'm not really hungry…" she stated truthfully, patting her stomach. The smell of the room was making her nauseous. "Okay." He said, raising his eyebrows. He got up and reached for the TV remote, smoothing the crinkled tape that held it together. "Well, you wanna watch some TV?" Marissa shrugged, crossing her legs and rubbing her hands on her thighs. "Sure…" she said. Ryan clicked on the TV and flipped aimlessly though the fuzzy channels. They just sat there for a few minutes, cruising each station and searching for something even bearable to watch. Thunder cracked again and they could both hear the wind picking up outside against the windows. The lamp next to the bed flickered on and off, finally going out and leaving the room somewhat dark. Both of them groaned as Ryan pushed more remote buttons and stood up, trying to turn the TV back on. "Great…" he said, throwing the remote on the remaining bed behind him. "Just what we need at a time like this. The stupid storm must have knocked down the power lines or something."

He sat back down on the bed, leaning forward so his elbows could rest on his knees. "What do you wanna do now?" he asked, looking back toward Marissa who looked sadly at him. "I don't know…" she said. "You wanna …talk?"


	26. These Things We'd Never Say

**Chapter Twenty-Six: These Things We'd Never Say **

"You wanna …talk?"

Ryan looked at Marissa strangely. "Talk?" he repeated. Marissa smiled slightly and nodded. "Yeah…there's not much else to do, right? Unless you want to go outside and talk to the checkout lady about this power loss…then be my guest." Ryan looked toward the door, thinking about how creepy the woman truly was. Her scraggly hair and mess of teeth didn't really call out Ryan's name or welcome him to go back there. "Uh…no thanks." he said, turning to look toward Marissa again. "Well what do you wanna talk about?" Ryan asked, somewhat uneasy. He knew exactly what she wanted to talk about…he was just trying to stall the inevitable for as long as he could.

"Anything." She said. "Everything. You. Me …Us." Ryan's body stiffened as she finished. He knew the moment had come. The moment where he and Marissa were finally completely alone, stranded with nothing left to do but get it all out. Get out every thought and every feeling that ever haunted their minds for the past three years. It was time. Ryan sighed in defeat. He had always known this needed to happen, but never had the guts enough to bring it up. After all, Ryan Atwood didn't really talk…about stuff.

"Come on, Marissa." He complained. "You were the one who said we were never good with words…" Ryan sighed again and moved further back on the bed so his body was leaning against the head board. Marissa shifted her body to face him. "Exactly." she said. "We were never good with them because we never used them." Silence filled the room for several seconds as they both stared at each other, Marissa desperate for him to agree and Ryan desperate to make this night just stop. "Whenever something happened we'd just toss it in the corner and pretend it didn't matter or exist." Her voice grew louder. "We'd hide everything we'd want to say until both of us couldn't take it and pushed each other away." Ryan looked at her as she ranted, not knowing what to do at the moment because he knew she was right.

"We can't keep doing this, Ryan." She said, her voice softer and upset. "I mean…we think we have forever but it's not true." Ryan nodded, sitting up again and resting his arms on his bent legs. "Than I guess we should just make the most of the time we have…" he agreed. They both stayed silent, not knowing where to even start. Every painful memory of their relationship ran through their heads as the silence and darkness of the room grew heavier. They just sat there, wordless and unsure…minutes ticking by with nothing said. Ryan moved his eyes from where they glared, looking up to see Marissa, who was also staring at nothing, her legs folded on the bed and her eyes looking sad. He could see her troubled sighs as she merely swallowed, finally meeting his gaze. They stared at each other in the darkness until Ryan finally spoke.

"You know…" he said. "When I first came to Newport, met Sandy and Kirsten…saw the way other people lived and how I had, I really didn't even know what to think at that point." She stared at him intently, listening to his words as they sat. He half, his eyes falling narrow as he looked at the wall, remembering. "And then when I knew I could stay…I thought to myself how things couldn't possibly get any better than they were at that time in my life." He shook his head at the thought, then looked to meet her eyes once more. "And then it did." He moved on the bed, taking another pillow from the opposite side and pushing it behind his back. "I met you…and Seth and Summer, and for the first time, I felt like thing were finally happening." He continued. "I was going somewhere…I had real friends… I had a family."

"Ryan…" Marissa said leaning forward slightly, her eyes drooping. He just kept staring at the wall, interjecting her speech with more of his own. "I finally had people who cared if I didn't come home. I had a brother…who at times I wanted to wipe the floor with, but knew would always be there if ever I needed him." He shook his head again and licked his lips, taking a deep breath in and looking at Marissa. "And I had you…I had everything a man could ever ask for." Tears brimmed Marissa's eyes as she listened. She didn't know if there was anything to say to that…so she just sat and kept quiet, letting him continue his talking.

"Then finally, I made probably the stupidest decision I could have ever made in my whole life…and was forced to leave everything I had behind for the life I left behind." They both thought about what had happened after they broke up for the first time. How hard it was to find out that Theresa was pregnant, knowing that there was a chance it was Ryan's doing. Ryan's look of shock when Marissa blurted the news…and Marissa's look of sadness when he pulled away in Theresa's car. The magic of Ryan's first year there never really returned again. So much had happened in the few short months of summer, and somehow those events lingered and still clouded everyone and everything. "We were apart for so long, Marissa. And to tell you the truth…I hated every second of it."

"So did I…" she said quietly. "I hated when you left. Everything just fell apart again. That summer, I was a mess... And then when you came back…I didn't know what to do with myself. I-I didn't know if you'd expect to start where we left off again and-" "And then you lied…" Ryan interrupted. "I made it a point that I did want us again only because you told me you weren't dating anyone when you were. You lied to me for such stupid reason…" he said, his voice growing cold. Marissa urged forward desperately trying to explain herself. "Ryan, what was I supposed to do? You left me…and you don't even give me the right to try and move on?" Ryan gave a disgusted grunt. "I'm giving you every right possible, Marissa. But I don't think I'll ever understand your need to lie to me all the time. You could have said point blank "Oh and hey Ryan? I'm kind of seeing someone right now so don't get your hopes up." But no, you make me drive up and see you all over some guy?" he shouted.

"I said I was sorry about that a million times!" Marissa screeched. "I didn't know that was going to happen…And don't blame all of this on me. You've lied to me before too." Ryan looked up at the ceiling and ran a hand over his face. "Oh yeah…about what?" he said, testing her. "I had to hear from Sandy and Kirsten that you were taking a job on a fishing boat. After our promise to stick together…you just planned on bailing? With not even the courage enough to tell me?" Ryan shook his head and tried to think of something to retaliate with. "That's different…" he said simply. Marissa stifled a laugh, her face still contorted angrily. "No Ryan, there's no excuse here. If I can't lie than neither can you."

"Well I stayed, didn't I?" he said, looking up at her hopefully. She looked away and sighed. "This time…" she mumbled, looking down at her hands. Ryan's head jerked up at her last statement. "Oh, come on Marissa…" he said. "What?" she held. "How do I know you won't pick up and leave again? My dad seems to have no problem with it, why not you?" Ryan stood up from the bed and crossed his arms, looking at the wall beside him and then back toward her. "You honestly think I'd leave willingly? That I'd leave you all for no apparent reason?" Marissa staid silent as she watched him. "Marissa, I died that summer…I would have given anything to be home with you. Spend the summer care free and not have to work myself half to death for a baby that wasn't even born… "

Marissa sighed, outstretching her legs on the bed as Ryan leaned back against the wall, his arms still crossed on his chest. The room fell silent again, the only noise heard being the pelting rain and thunder from outside. The room grew darker, leaving Ryan and Marissa to see each other fully only when lightening flashed and lit up their faces. "Everything was fine a few months ago…" Marissa finally said. "Fine is probably stretching things a little, but things were finally better. For a blip I thought we were actually happy…" 

"We were…" Ryan said. "I was at least." Marissa nodded her head. "I was too…after everything that happened last year, it felt right, us being together. And then so much happened at once and…people and things just started coming between us again. My parents, Trey, Dean Hess-" "Johnny…" Ryan added, looking down at his feet. Marissa paused as Johnny's name was mentioned. Johnny Harper was probably one of the sourest people on the Ryan and Marissa separation list. Overall a nice guy that just couldn't hold back his feelings anymore. "Yeah…" Marissa said uneasily. She could sense Ryan's troubled expression as this subject was brought up. "What?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

Ryan took a deep breath in and put his hands in his pockets. "Nothing…" he said. "I just- I just think maybe it wasn't all Johnny's fault in pulling us apart." Marissa looked at him strangely. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asked defensively. Ryan opened his mouth slightly and shook his head, staring down at her on the bed. "Nothing…I just- I mean you weren't completely innocent in that whole situation either." Marissa scoffed at his opinion, shifting on the bed again so she sat forward with her legs hanging off the side. Her voice grew louder once more as she turned red with anger. "What are you saying? That I made Johnny fall in love with me?" Ryan narrowed his eyes, thinking about what he'd said. "No, but…you always have this constant feeling that you have to fix people's problems. You- you just never just let people deal with things on their own…you just have to be their hero all the time." 

Marissa was taken aback by his sudden coldness. Her face fell as she got upset, thinking about what he said. Is that what he really thought of her? "That's not true…"she argued. Ryan raised his eyebrows and looked around awkwardly. "Yes it is, Marissa. You did it with Oliver, then Trey and Johnny and the worst part about it all is that I saw it coming every time. I know how you get with these people…" he yelled. "You let them get into your head and make you feel sorry for them just so you learn to trust them enough to not screw you over." Marissa looked at him frightened as he blew up at her. "And you see how well each time worked out?" he continued. "I told you Oliver was bad news, and I told you to leave Trey alone –that he was my brother and I'd take care of it…but you just kept pushing and pushing and look what happened!"

Tears spilled from Marissa's eyes as she looked at him, completely shocked and hurt by this. "You're blaming me for what happened with Trey?" she asked, her voice shaking. Ryan saw her tears and melted…mentally kicking himself for what he just insinuated. He shook his head lightly, trying to think of something to say that would retract his previous statement. "No-No of course not…I just- I…" Marissa continued to cry as she sat there listening to him stutter. A sudden sense of pressure came upon her as it all sunk in. She stood up from the bed and wiped her tears away. "Fine…" she said. "If that's what you really think…" Ryan continued his rambling apologies, moving forward to try and talk to her. Marissa just looked away, snickering quietly to herself as she walked to the door, opening it and slamming it behind her.


	27. And You Kissed Me Like You Meant It

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: …And You Kissed Me Like You Meant It **

Ryan stood frozen in the dark hotel room, alone and hearing nothing but cracking thunder from outside. Marissa had run into the freezing rain, further dampening her hooded sweat shirt and completely engulfing her feet in puddles of accumulation. Ryan moved forward in an instant, jogging past the motel bed and grabbing his jacket. He quickly slid his arms into the sleeves and reached for the door handle. What the hell did he just do? Swinging the door open, Ryan ran out after Marissa as she hurriedly walked into the dark, deserted parking lot. "Marissa, wait!" he yelled. She didn't look at him; just continued walking as tears cascaded down her cheeks. He stopped running and held a fast walking pace behind her. "Stop!" he persisted. "Will you please just stop?"

He reached out a hand and grasped one of her arms, stopping her movement and spinning her around. "Don't touch me!" she yelled at him, turning again to try and get away. He reached out his other hand, spinning her around to face him as water dripped down from their faces. "Hey, hey…" he said. "I'm sorry... I-I didn't mean it, I-" Marissa shook her head as she tried to wriggle from his strong grip. "Yes you did!" she cried. "You wouldn't have said so if you didn't mean it…" She pushed him away, sending him a step backward as he looked at her with pleading eyes. He stood in defeat, leaning his head back and sighing as she turned away from him again. She walked further down the parking lot, stopping where the curb met the flooding street. She stood with her back to him, looking both ways down the deserted road. "Where are you going?" he finally asked, curious as to where she planned on staying. 

"Anywhere but here…" she yelled back at him.

He shook his head as he approached her. "Marissa, come on…" he said. "There's no reason to stay out here in the rain." He walked toward her again and stood next to her before the road. He put his hands in his jacket pockets, sneaking glances at her profile. She pulled her hood over her head again, staring at the pavement and avoiding his eyes. "I'm sorry." He reiterated. She rolled her eyes and breathed in, clearing her throat and still not looking at him. "Marissa…" he whispered, walking in front of her so se couldn't turn away or pretend not to listen. "I don't blame you for what happened…I was just- I was mad back there." He stated, glancing back to their room's door. The two of them stayed silent for a long time, Ryan not knowing what to say and Marissa too angry to even speak.

Rain dripped off their bodies, making Marissa shiver as they stood there. Ryan returned to his position standing close to her in the darkness of the night. She suddenly let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head and still staring at the ground "You know, it's funny..." she said, finally picking up her head to shoot him a death glare. "You were the one who asked me to help him that weekend…" More tears streamed down her face as she laughed pathetically to herself. Ryan's eyes fell as he nodded his head. "I know…" he mumbled. "I couldn't kiss or even look at you for days…" she admitted. He swallowed heavily hearing her story, his expression painful and regretful. "I just kept remembering…the things he had said and…the way his personality just changed in those few minutes." She sniffled through her tears, licking droplets off her lips and giving Ryan a last look before she turned back toward the hotel. Ryan turned as well, picking up his arms and groaning as he walked after her again. "Marissa please…" She turned one hand to him as she walked. "Just leave me alone Ryan."

He stopped, staying silent for a few seconds until finally getting her attention once more. "Why are you so mad at me?" he called. Marissa stopped dead in her tracks and spun around, her face completely bewildered and livid. "Are you seriously asking that question?" she screamed. Ryan shrugged and trotted closer. "I'm not talking about right now…I mean why were you so mad at the air port and in the cab on the way over here?" Marissa sighed, swallowing a sob and squinting her eyes to him. "I don't know…why were acting so weird during breakfast this morning?" she retaliated. "Ryan, you wouldn't even look at me…" Ryan motioned to speak but closed his mouth and paused, thinking of a lie that could even remotely get him out of it. After seconds of silence Marissa scoffed at him over again.

"Unbelievable…" she muttered. "I can't even believe I thought I wanted you again." She gave a crooked smirk, her eyes wide and thoughtful. She looked away to the side and up into the rain, where she could see the fallen power line that made the motel dark. Ryan took a few more steps forward, his face puzzled at what she had said. "W-What do you mean?" he said. He stood in front of her for a second time, trying to make her look at him so they could continue. She looked up to his face, giving up and crossing her arms. "Nothing…" she sighed. She gestured toward the door. "Let's just go back inside." Ryan took her hand again, stopping her and forcing her to turn around. "No." he said. "Let's finish this here. What did you mean?" Marissa uncomfortably tugged at her sweat shirt which was now soaked and sticking to her skin. She shrugged at his question wishing she had never said anything in the first place.

"Ryan…" Ryan said nothing, just looked at her waiting for an answer. "Well I just- I mean…I thought that the other night meant something." She admitted. He furrowed his eyebrows until she continued. "I mean, we went out to eat and then…you walked me back and I thought there was a moment." Ryan moved closer. "I thought so too…Th-There was a moment." Marissa tilted her head. "Then what happened?" she asked, her voice desperate. "I've basically been throwing myself at you all weekend and then, what? You're just not interested?" Ryan shook his head. "No, no that's not it at all. I ju-" Marissa cut him off, continuing her rant and making various hand gestures to get her point across. "I don't know…" she continued. "Maybe I just misread signals or- or maybe I looked too much into things…I-I don't know." She said again. Ryan didn't say anything in response, just looked her in the eye and half smiled. "What?" she asked frustrated.

In an instant, Ryan moved forward, grabbing her head and pulling it toward his own, capturing her mouth in a sloppy kiss. Marissa stumbled backward, surprised by his vehement forwardness but soon melting into him as seconds passed. Ryan wrapped an arm around her body as she tilted her head to one side, letting her hands rest on both of his shoulders. Violently, Ryan pushed her back against the door of their hotel room, sliding his body against hers as he fumbled with the knob. He pressed their hips together as he assaulted her mouth, letting an arm move up to wrap around her head, deepening it even more. He finally managed to turn the old and rusty knob, swinging the door open as lightening lit up the parking lot. 

Pushing their way inside, Ryan kicked the door closed, clicking the lock and picking up Marissa by the legs. He pushed her back to sit on the small dresser that leaned against one of the walls. Marissa grunted as she was thrown backward, fully accepting every movement Ryan's lips made on her own. She slid her hands from his shoulders and found his collar, letting her hands slip inside his jacket to quickly pull it off and toss it aside. Ryan picked her up again and walked slowly toward the bed, laying her down gently on the pillows. He kicked off his boots and climbed up on the bed to hover over her. He kissed her again as they breathed heavily, sweaty and soaking from the long minutes in the storm. She held his face between her hands as he unzipped her sweat shirt and opened its flaps. Ryan ran a hand over her face, never letting their lips part, then moved to help her with the sleeves.

She suddenly broke away from him, retracting from his lips and letting out a large breath. She pushed him away softly by the chest. Lightening flashed again, lighting up the room so they could finally see each other. Marissa blinked repeatedly as Ryan held himself above her, motionless and unwitting. 'Oh no…' he thought. 'It's coming true. She really doesn't want this…' Flashes of his nightmare ran through his head in that one moment. He thought about how he had suddenly kissed her, how he had put himself out there, hoping that she felt the same way…just to be left out alone in the rain in the middle of the night. He saw flashes of her crying on the other side of the door as he stood, standing and stuck…heartbroken and soaked. This couldn't really be happening.

Marissa looked toward the door as thunder boomed and shook the side table that was placed next to the bed. Ryan looked at her nervous expression, completely terrified himself and wondering what the matter was. She looked back at him again; her eyes soft as she pulled him back down to lay top of her. "Just wanted to make sure the door was locked…" she smiled.


	28. Waiting For the Right

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Waiting for the Right **

Marissa sunk back into the pillows as Ryan nipped at her neck, both of them still damp and laying on the disgusting motel bed. She closed her eyes, breathing heavily as she rubbed her hands through his wet blonde hair. He lifted his head up again to rest his forehead against her own, before nuzzling her nose and moving in to kiss her. He lay fully on top of her, tilting his head and putting pressure on her mouth for better lip access. She raised her eyebrows as they kissed, pulling his head closer with one hand and sucking lightly on his bottom lip. He tucked an arm behind the small of her back, grinding his hips into her as they lay there in the dark.

She pushed on his chest gently, rolling them over so she could lay on top of him. She kissed him deeply before sitting up to straddle his waist. Marissa looked down at him as he moved to lean on his elbows. He swallowed loudly as she smiled, slowly pulling off her sweat shirt sleeves one at a time. She peeled off the cloth, leaving her in a shirt, and lazily tossed it behind her onto the dresser with their bags. Marissa rubbed her hands up his chest as Ryan laid his head back on the pillows. She leaned down again to kiss him, pushing his wet t-shirt up slightly to run a hand over his bare stomach. She returned to her previous position, pulling up his shirt as he pulled himself up in the bed. He sat upright, Marissa's legs still wrapped around his waist, and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it forward and not caring where it landed.

He wrapped both his arms around her waist, capturing her lips in his again and pulling her down to lay flat above him. She rested her hands on his bare shoulders as he moved a hand behind her head. Ryan pulled her in, opening his mouth widely as she grunted into his lips. His opposite hand that lay on her back, inched slowly under her long sleeved shirt, roughly rubbing her skin. He broke away from her mouth, leaving her breathless as he quickly whipped her shirt over her head, messing up her hair and leaving her in nothing but a bra and jeans. He looked down at her chest, his breathing quickening as each second passed. He threw her shirt away, pulling her back into him.

Ryan flipped them over so they were both lying on their sides. Marissa's hands moved up to his face, clutching it desperately as their mouths moves in sync. Ryan hands remained tight on her back as he kissed every inch of her newly exposed skin. He ran his mouth and fingertips over her whole body, wishing he could get closer and closer. This was finally happening. After all the crap they went through that year…Her parents, the dean, Johnny Harper, Public School…separation beyond separation. One after another, over and over again. Every fight, every tear, every scoff of breath after a nasty comment was rattled, and every sigh they released at night, wishing to be in each other's arms again was forgotten at that very moment. For the time being anyway…

They both got lost in each other, melding together perfectly and feeling the relief after the long time apart. Truthfully, it really wasn't that long, but those short few weeks felt like forever. There was never that closure. Never a real moment where they both knew it was over. They had a two minute conversation on the phone…abruptly saying it wasn't working followed by a "See ya at school…" They never even sat down and tried to make it work. They never depended on each other when things turned sour. They never turned off they're fuckin' cell phones…

Ryan and Marissa lay tangled together in bed, still somewhat clothed. Ryan urged his tongue into Marissa's mouth, causing her body to tense at the sensation. He ran a hand over her side and onto her stomach, his fingers playing with the button on her jeans. Marissa groaned and pulled away again, sitting up so she was parallel to Ryan on the bed. He sat up with her, his face falling as she looked confused and upset. "What's wrong?" Ryan said, breathing heavily and wiping saliva off his mouth. Marissa licked her lips and looked into his eyes, swallowing and shaking her head. "I just…" she started. "I mean…aren't you dating someone else now?" Her tone was quiet and vulnerable. Her eyes sad and her legs coming up to cover her chest.

Ryan's face contorted into a puzzled kind of smile. "W-What do you mean…Sadie?" he asked. Marissa raised her eyebrows and shrugged, looking down at the bed. They could see each other faintly in the darkness, only fully when lightening would light up the whole room. They liked it that way…dark. It meant that they had to touch more often to sense where the other was. Ryan moved forward on the bed to sit next to her. They're waists and legs faced opposite ways as they sat. He gently moved his hand to her chin, turning her face to look back at him. "Hey…" he said. Marissa sighed and touched the hand that held her face. "I called Sadie the other day…and I told her that I couldn't do it anymore."

Marissa half smiled. "How'd she take it?" Ryan stifled a laugh. "Well, she went back home. And I think she kind of expected it. I guess she knew I wasn't all in…" Marissa nodded, taking both his hands in hers. Ryan motioned to speak again, squeezing one of her hands. "You know…truthfully." He began. "I've sort of been pining for you…" Marissa smiled widely, pushing him back down on the bed and climbing back on top of him. She collided into his lips, lifting a hand to run over his face and hair. The two of them grinned into their kisses, continuously shifting on the bed, messing up the rough cloth sheets. Ryan again, moved his hands to Marissa's waist, teasing her jean's zipper and buttons. She touched their foreheads for a second time and stopped his hand. "Wait…" she said, leaning up on one elbow. Ryan let out a frustrated sigh.

"What now?" he asked. Marissa tilted her head to look at him. "I just think maybe we should hold out…on the- you know." She said. Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, asking for an explanation. "I mean everything is happening so fast Ryan…I think we should just wait for the right moment. And to be honest…I don't really want this to happen on this filthy bed." She laughed. Ryan nodded and observed the room. She had a point. God only knows what kind of things festered within that place. "Alright…" Ryan said. "I'll tell you what. How about we go search for a phone book, order in some food and just …hang out here?" Marissa smirked and nodded, pecking him on the lips. "Go get your PJs on while I look." He said, watching her scoot off the bed and pick up her bag. He flashed her a quick smile as she turned the corner and closed the door of the bathroom.

Ryan slid down the side of the bed and looked toward the small night table. He cautiously pulled open a drawer, revealing a dusty phonebook cover. He picked it up and blew away the dust, opening it and using his cell phone for light. A loud scream came from the bathroom as Ryan jumped up, hearing things smack into the walls. He felt his way over to the bathroom door, opening it as Marissa came running out into his arms. "Oh my God!" she yelled. "There's something in there, I swear!" Ryan laughed as he shifted her to his side, an arm still around her shaking body. "Why are you laughing, Ryan!? I swear to you there's something in there. It like…crawled on my foot."

The lamp on the side table and the lights in the bathroom flickered briefly before lighting up the room completely. Ryan smiled and looked up toward the lights as Marissa still clutched tightly to him. "Alright!" Ryan cheered. "I guess the rain settled down enough for them to fix it…" He looked toward the bathroom once more as Marissa pointed her finger inside. Ryan sighed and grabbed a random t-shirt from his bag, walking back to where Marissa stood. He rolled his eyes and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door a little and looking around the floor. He spotted what made her scream and as a joke pretended to be under attack. "Ah!" he yelled. "Oh my God…Marissa, help me!" From outside Marissa stood in front of the door, squealing and flailing her hands. Ryan appeared from behind the door again, holding a piece of tissue and a tiny little spider in his palm.

He laughed as she looked at him angrily. She hit his arm and shook her head. "Ryan, that's not funny!" He kept laughing as he showed her the small bug. "All that for this little thing?" he asked, shoving it in her face. She screamed again and backed into the wall. "Just get rid of it!" she said. Ryan moseyed over to the door before letting the critter go outside. He turned back to face her, observing her thin frame that was wrapped in baggy pajamas. He smiled as she cowered into the wall. "That was mean…" she whined. Ryan walked back over to her, wrapping his arms around her again and pulling her close. "Aw…I'm sorry." He said. "I had to do it." He looked as his sorry expression, shrugging and kissing his cheek. "Come on." She said, pulling away to plop down on the bed. 

"Have you decided what we're eating yet?"


	29. Made it Through the Night

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Made It Through the Night **

Ryan and Marissa lay back on the motel pillows, both clutching their stomachs and aimlessly staring at the half eaten pizza in front of them. Ryan folded an arm over the back of his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "That was good…" he moaned. Marissa silently nodded, shifting herself on the bed to lay her head on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan wrapped his opposite arm around her waist, rubbing up and down her side. "Had enough?" he asked. Marissa snuggled in closer. "Yeah…" she mumbled. Ryan reached over to the nightstand, picking up the remote control and flicking on the television. A dark line of gray fuzzed across the screen, making a crackling noise that virtually sounded out the audio. Ryan flipped through the channels, roughly pressing on the remote keys to send the signal to the ancient TV antennas.

With the shortage of cable that the small motel acquired, only three of the channels came in tenuously clear. Ryan gave up on choosing a program, looking over to Marissa so she could take over. "What do you wanna watch?" he asked. Marissa's eyes were closed and her breathing was steady. "MMM…" she grunted, not really acknowledging his question. Ryan sighed and looked back toward the TV, settling on an olden game show. He squinted his eyes, grimacing at the hair styles and clothing choices of the contestants on the show. He couldn't believe people dressed like that at some point. Eventually getting into the game, Ryan concentrated on the various trivial questions, actually answering a few correctly. Scratching his head, he yawned as the show finished and the screen turned darker, quietly orchestrating an all-violin version of the national anthem. 

Ryan closed his eyes, swallowing contently and sighing as his body relaxed. He drifted slightly with the music, feeling Marissa's heart beat next to his. His nostrils suddenly twitched as the overwhelming smell of smoke engulfed the room. He opened his eyes and looked around, stopping where the television was placed on the dresser. "Whoa…" he breathed at the sight before him. The music emanating from the TV speakers suddenly stopped, as smoke bellowed from the back of the box where the tin foil antennas were taped. Sparks rose from behind as the screen turned completely black, leaving the room in silence. Ryan looked at Marissa who hadn't awoken or stirred from the sudden TV attack. He swiftly moved off the bed, untucking his arm from behind her head and placing it on one of the pillows.

Cautiously he walked over to the dresser as smoke cleared, observing the space around it to see if anything actually caught fire. He grabbed a towel from his open suit case, wrapping it around his hand and reaching behind the dresser to pull out the television's plug. God forbid he got electrocuted trying to unplug a fire hazard…

Ryan sighed, tossing the plug and towel to the ground. He laughed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. This place was pretty eventful. Bugs, electrical problems…what next? He stood up straight, staring in front of him where Marissa lay sound asleep and curled into a ball. He half smiled, seeing her chest rise and fall as she slept. Moving over to the bed, he sat back down, pulling the covers up to lay across her small frame. He got up once more, walking to the door to fully make sure it was locked for the night. Taking a deep breath, Ryan got in bed with Marissa, tossing the pizza box on the side of the bed to the small table that leaned crookedly against a wall. He clicked off the lamp and settled in next to Marissa in bed, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her back.

An outside light shown through the one window of the room, allowing Ryan to see Marissa even as they lay in darkness. He slid loose strands of hair away from her face, tucking them behind her ear before resting his forehead against hers. His breathing soon slowed, matching that of Marissa's as they both fell asleep, tangled up in each other… 

Marissa slowly opened her eyes, squinting them shut and blinking repeatedly as sun poured through the windows, warming her face. She took a deep breath, sitting up in bed and seeing that Ryan was no longer lying with her. She swallowed her morning breath…scratched at her hair and lay back against the pillows. Ryan soon emerged from the bathroom, fully clothed and rubbing a towel through his wet hair. He smiled and walked toward her, seeing that she was now awake. "Hey…we made it through the night." he joked, sitting next to her on the bed and leaning in for a peck on the lips. "Hey…yeah." She answered, her eyes still sleepy. She pulled back, realizing that he must have showered for his hair to be wet. "Hmm…you took a shower, huh?" she asked. Ryan nodded, rubbing his hair down and wiping his wet hand on the towel.

He could sense her disgust as she looked around at his body and face. "It really wasn't that bad you know…" he said. "Especially after you plunge out the gunk at the bottom and step around the living fungus…" Marissa's face contorted into a repulsed sort of expression as she leaned away from Ryan, groaning at the fact that she had to shower in this 'Shit Shack'. Ryan laughed as he moved closer to her again, pulling her into him despite her squeals of discomfort. "I was just kidding." He said, calming her down. "I promise you…it really isn't that bad." Marissa pouted, her face still repulsed as she looked toward the bathroom.

"Kirsten called earlier…wanted to know how things went last night." Ryan explained. Marissa's body stiffened, thinking about how she and Ryan came this close to having make up sex against Kirsten's wishes. "Don't worry." Ryan said. "I told her everything went fine." Marissa relaxed, giving Ryan a thankful grin. "Oh and she also said that the air port should be back up and running now so we could probably catch the next flight out without a problem…" Marissa raised her eyebrows and sighed with relief. "Good." She simply said. "Go shower." Ryan held, getting up from the bed and picking up his boots from the floor. "I'm gonna go find us some breakfast." He leaned back against the dresser, slipping the boots on quickly, before grabbing his jacket.

He flashed her his famous half smile before unlocking and opening the door, walking outside. To Ryan's surprise, it was actually sunny and it felt good not having to run through the rain anymore. Finally…Now all he had to do was walk around the middle of nowhere and find a place with edible breakfast foods.

Walking back into the hotel room, Ryan found Marissa sitting on the bed, running her fingers through her wet hair. "Hey…" she said as he walked in with two take out boxes. "What took you so long? You've been gone for like an hour." She moved her clothes and towels from the bed so he could sit, throwing them in her suit case that lay sprawled out on the floor next to her. Ryan sighed and stifled a loud groan as he peeled off his jacket. "I walked like five miles before I found a place…just to find out that all they serve are defrosted meat products for breakfast. Hard, pre-frozen bacon and sausage… " Marissa's face grew disgusted yet again. "Ew…" she said. Ryan nodded and continued his story. "Yeah, I know you hate it so I walked like another fifteen miles until I found an actual diner that had pancakes."

He handed Marissa her Styrofoam container, containing a short stack and little packets of maple syrup. She gave him a soft look and stretched out her lip. "You went all that way just to get me pancakes? That's so cute…" she said, reaching up to pull his face in for a kiss. "Yeah well, I didn't really want to eat that crap either." He admitted. She giggled at him, tying her hair back and digging into her breakfast. They sat and ate in silence for a few minutes until Ryan finally spoke. "So you want to leave for the air port in like an hour? We can eat and re-pack…and I need to search the phonebook for a cab company." He said. Marissa shrugged and nodded, her mouth stuffed with pancake. "Sounds good…" she mumbled.

"Oh I meant to ask you…" she added. "What happened to the TV?"


	30. So Long Shit Shack

**Chapter Thirty: So Long Shit Shack **

"You ready to go?"

Marissa stood in the bathroom, leaning over the sink in front of the mirror. She stood hunched over, dabbing shear gloss on her bottom lip. She smacked her lips together, twisting on the tube's cap before standing up straight. "Yeah, I'll be right there." she called. Giving a last glance into the mirror, she straightening out her hair before flicking off the light and closing the door.

Ryan stood outside of the bathroom, Marissa's bag as well as his own hanging loosely from each shoulder. "I called a cab…" he said. "It should be here in a minute." Marissa nodded, looking around the room to see if she had forgotten any sort of loose end here or there. Ryan watched her as her eyes fell, somewhat looking sad. "Something wrong?" he asked, tilting his head to make her look up at him. She shrugged her shoulders and looked toward the bed. "I don't know…" she said. "I guess last night just wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be." Ryan half smiled and nodded with her, looking back at the bed like she had. "You know, it's weird…" she began again. "Here, in this disgusting place…I think I got the best night's sleep I've had in weeks."

Ryan slid the bags down his arms, letting them sit on either side of his feet. He stood several feet away from Marissa, raising his eyes brows and letting his hands wrest on his waist. "Yeah, I think I did too." he agreed. "As fun as it was…I can't wait to go back home again." Marissa moved toward him, closing the gap between their bodies. Their eyes fell downward as they touched foreheads, electricity pulsating through them even at the slightest touch. Ryan smiled as he closed his eyes completely, snaking his arms around her back. Marissa reached her arms up to lay lightly across his shoulders, tied around his head and neck. She nuzzled his face before leaning in further, kissing him gently on the lips.

Ryan pulled away after a moment, only to be pulled back in for more. Marissa's hands moved to the back of his head, pulling him in once again. Ryan didn't abject, only moved his mouth with hers, getting more into it as seconds passed. He tilted his head, pushing her mouth open further as he held her close to him. Marissa held Ryan's collar, tightening her grip. Finally they calmed, separating mouths but still desperately clutching clothing and limbs. Ryan opened his eyes slowly, licking and wiping the lip gloss from his face. "What was that for?" he asked, breathing rough and smile wide. Marissa wiped his mouth and matched his grin. "You put up with me this weekend…" she simply said.

Marissa pulled away from him, bending down to pick up her bag. She struggled with its weight, pulling roughly on each strap until she found a comfortable position on her side. Ryan furrowed his eye brows as he watched. "Well I've put up with you a lot of other weekends too and I got nothing…" he stated. Marissa smacked his arm, still hunched over with the bulge of her suit case. Ryan leaned away from her hand, still accepting her smack of disapproval. She walked passed him, stepping over his bag to get to the door. He watched the pack slide down her side, making her drag it more than carry it. "I could get that for you, you know." He said, pointing to the bag which she let sit by the door.

She shrugged again, walking back toward him. "It's not that heavy…" she said. Ryan bent down to lift his own bag, clutching it in his hand with ease. "Yeah, I can tell." he joked. Marissa rested her hand on the arm that held the bag dangling close to the ground. She looked into his eyes and slowly slid her hand down to rest on his. He looked down at his hand that she wrestled the bag from, turning for a second to throw it next to hers. She returned to face him, taking both his hands this time. She held them tightly as he rubbed a thumb over each. "Are we okay?" he asked, his eyes wide and hopeful. Marissa looked into his eyes again, sensing his genuine concern. "Yeah, we're okay." she said. Ryan smiled and sighed with relief. He pulled her in again, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug.

"Good." he mumbled into her hair. He rubbed his palm over her back, burying his face in her neck. "…'Cause I'm a jerk." Marissa pushed back from him, resting her hands on his shoulders. She raised her eyes brows and turned his face to look at her. "You're not a jerk, Ryan." she said. "You just…said a stupid thing. We all do it…" Ryan half smiled and nodded, still rubbing her back soothingly. "I'm sorry." he said quietly. "I really didn't mean what I said." Marissa grasped his face with her fingers, pulling in his face again to peck him on the lips. Ryan sighed and faced her. "I know you didn't." Marissa said. Ryan nodded and sniffled, clearing this throat and letting his hands slip to her waist. "I really want us to work this time, Ryan." Marissa added. "I know so many things have come between us in the past…but now…just promise me we'll try extra hard."

"I promise."

Ryan smirked as she gushed in him, hugging him tightly again. A loud honk came from outside, telling them their cab had arrived. They pulled apart, looking toward the door hopefully. "You ready?" Ryan asked. Marissa closed her eyes and pulled away to grab her bag again. "Oh yeah…" she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the door.


	31. Remind Me

**Chapter Thirty-One: Remind Me… **

Pulling into the air port once again, Ryan and Marissa released each other hands so they could depart the cab. Marissa opened a side door, sliding out of the enclosed space to stand up straight amongst the chaos. Ryan remained seated for an extra second, tossing bills into the front seat as payment to the driver. Ryan slid out to stand next to Marissa, bending back down to retrieve their bags from the back seat. Slamming the door, Ryan pulled the bags to rest on his shoulders, shifting them uncomfortably before taking Marissa's hand in his.

The walked through crowds of people…old men on business, random and oblivious tourists, as well as fellow college visitors. Ryan gripped Marissa's hand tightly, pulling her along as they hurried through the people. Reaching a small area that was less jam-packed; they released hands and walked comfortably beside each other. Marissa glanced over at Ryan who still struggled with her bag, trying to somehow tie it around his back for support. Marissa looked at him, horrified but still stifling small laughs. "You really don't have to do that Ryan…I can carry it." Ryan cleared his throat and tried to stand up, straight and bulky like a man would. He shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh no…I-I got it, really." He said, his voice straining with pain. Marissa rolled her eyes and sighed…he always had to be the tough guy even though she knew it was bull deep down.

They reached a familiar counter, where a small old woman sat fiddling with papers. Her feet dangled above the ground as her small frame sunk behind a huge pair of reading glasses. Ryan and Marissa walked to her station, as it was the only one without a line, and Ryan dropped the bags in a hurry, immediately reaching up a hand to rub out the knots in his shoulder. He stretched himself out, leaning an elbow on the marble counter and inclining in toward the woman. "Uh…excuse me." he said, waiting for her to look up so he could explain their story. The woman didn't react to their presence, just continued in her work, licking a stamp and shakily placing it on an envelope, tossing it aside.

Ryan raised his voice, leaning in further until the woman alarmingly matched his gaze. "Um…excuse me." He repeated. Her squinty eyes blinked in his direction, her small face revealing a polite smile. Marissa stood close to Ryan, smiling back as the woman turned to her. "Can I help you kids?" she said, her voice quiet and very serene. Ryan nodded, tapping the desk nervously. "Hi, um…My name is Ryan Atwood, and we both had a flight out to Orange County that was supposed to leave yesterday, but-" The woman rested a hand on Ryan's, stopping his tapping fingers. Her smile grew wider as she nodded with him.

"Yes, yes I've been expecting you…" she said.

She adjusted her eyeglasses, pushing them further down her nose so she could read a post-it note. "I got a call earlier this morning from a Mrs.…Kirsten Cohen. She cleared everything up and let me know you needed the next flight open." Ryan looked at Marissa and grinned widely, sighing with relief and turning back to the lady. She swiveling her chair backward, retrieving two pieces of folded paper. "Alright, here are your tickets…as soon as you pass through security you should be on your way. Have a nice flight." She said before handing Ryan the tickets. He looked at her in disbelief. "That's it?" he asked. "That's it." She simply answered. 

Ryan nodded, handing the tickets to Marissa so he could bend down and get the bags again. He heaved Marissa's over his shoulder, pulling up his own with ease before they turned away. "Oh…thanks very much." he said, turning back to look at the woman. She smiled gratefully before swiveling her chair back around a corner. Ryan and Marissa began to walk toward the security screenings as flights were announced over the loudspeakers of the air port. "Remind me to thank Kirsten later…" he said, leaning into Marissa's ear so she could hear over the noise. "You're not kidding." She agreed.

After passing through security, Ryan and Marissa walked to find their exiting terminal. They found two empty seats, which they quickly occupied to rest before boarding. Ryan let the bags lay at his feet as Marissa sat in the chair next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, his arm snaking up around her arm to pull her into him. They both closed their eyes contently, not noticing all the hustle and bustle around them. Ryan opened his eyes again, nuzzling his hair into Marissa's. "So…that lady was nice, huh?" he said, trying to make conversation. Marissa nodded into the small of his neck, reaching over a hand to rest on his leg. She played with the zipper of his jacket silently while he rubbed his hand up and down her opposite arm. They sat there for several minutes, just enjoying the small amount of contact.  
_  
__"Delayed Flight 143 to Orange County, now boarding…" _a woman's voice echoed through the room. _"Flight 143 to Orange County, now boarding." _She repeated.

Marissa pulled her head up from Ryan, who immediately scrambled to his feet. Marissa reached into her pocket to pull out the tickets, clutching them tightly in one hand. The other intertwined with Ryan's as they walked toward the line of moving people in their boarding terminal. Marissa gave Ryan his ticket, which he stuck in his mouth while he continued struggling with the weight of Marissa's pack. He pulled it out from between his lips when they reached the beginning of the line, handing it to the collector and smirking with embarrassment when he grimaced at the saliva covered paper.

Marissa gave in hers next, also looking at the spit with disgust. She scoffed at Ryan as they walked through the dark hall toward the plane. "Nice…" she said, quickly pulling her bag off his sunken shoulder. She threw it around her own, laughing as he looked at her in shock. She jogged away from him, weaving through the other passengers to get away from the chasing Ryan. "Hey!" he called. "I told you I had that…" Marissa stopped in place, walking backwards slowly until he caught up. "Ryan you weren't doing anything but hurting yourself." she said, her eyebrows raised. Ryan looked at her with skepticism, shaking his head as he watched her walk without problem. "How are you doing that? That thing weighs like 100 pounds." Marissa shrugged and kept walking. "I don't know…I'm just used to it, I guess."

Finally setting foot on the plane's carpeted floor, Marissa led the both of them through the aisles of the second class cabin. She scanned over the tops of storage cabinets, just below the ceiling, glancing back and forth every so often to double check seat numbers. Ryan followed close behind until she stopped, turning to smile at him and point the way to the seats before them. "Here we are." she said. "After you…" Ryan nodded, thanking her before clicking open the storage compartment above. He shoved his bag inside, taking hers as well and doing the same.

He slid into the small space, plopping down in the cushiony window seat. Marissa slid in next to him, getting composed and letting her feet rest relaxed on the floor. Ryan buckled his seat belt and pulled it tightly to rest of his waist and lap. Marissa did the same, crossing her legs and situating herself comfortably. The two of them sat patiently, awaiting the plane's lift off. Marissa's head lay back in its previous position on Ryan's shoulder as they listened quietly to all the Stewardess' construction. With all passengers finally on board, the Captain spoke loudly from the cockpit.

_"Good morning everyone, I'll be your captain for the ride. I'm sorry about all delays that pushed back your weekends, but the sky is now clear enough to fly. I must warn you, however, we're still expecting slight showers which may cause strong turbulence in our journey to Orange County, California. Please remain in your seats at all times, keep seat belts securely fastened, and I'm sure we'll get through without a problem. Thank you and enjoy your flight." _

Marissa sensed Ryan's discomfort as the plane began to move forward. She knew he'd be uneasy with what the Captain had just said, and knew very well that he would soon freak out. His body stiffened and his palms leaked a nervous sweat as he gripped the armrests tightly. She looked at him, her eyes falling with apology. As the plane picked up speed, Marissa tried to unhinge Ryan's fingers from the seat so she could slide in her own for comfort. "Ryan…" she finally said quietly, hoping he would open his eyes. He said nothing, nor opened his eyes…only breathed extremely heavily as his heart raced. He let out a loud grunt as the plane lifted off the ground, all gravity escaping their surroundings and bodies and they rose into the air. 

"Ryan…come on." Marissa pleaded. "Everything is fine." Ryan clutched the seat tighter, squeezing his eyes tightly closed as small beads of sweat lined his forehead. Marissa gave up trying to calm him with soothing talk. She leaned back in her seat, getting an idea and slowly moving her head again to look at the shaking coward next to her. "Ryan…you remember how I got you to relax on the Ferris wheel?" she asked, her face forming a wide grin. Ryan took a deep breath and leaned his head slightly in her direction, his eyes remaining shut.

"No…" he finally spoke. "Remind me."


	32. Less Frequent Flyer

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Less Frequent Flyer **

A hand lightly tangled through her hair as he released his grip from the seat. She tightly held his face between hers hands...somewhat distracting him from what was happening. Everything violently shuttered as thunder and rain was heard crashing against the metal ceiling and wings of the airplane. Muffled phrases from the pilot blurted above them through the circular speakers, telling the passengers to remain calm and that that things seemed worse than they actually were. Ryan grunted against Marissa's mouth, pulling back a little and looking around with fear. "How can someone remain calm when they're about to die!?" Ryan questioned, his speech jumbled as he quickly spewed the words together. Marissa released a quiet laugh before pulling back to rest against her seat. Ryan sat back too, his hands once again finding the arm rests. He huffed and puffed, trying to think happy thoughts that would calm him down. "Um...Journey...Sleep...When Seth's not talking..." he whispered to himself. Marissa slid her hand on top of his, his white knuckles clearly noticeable.

"Ryan, you're gonna break your fingers." she said with concern, trying desperately to wrestle them free. She clutched his fingers firmly, unpeeling each one from its kung-foo grip. He finally let up, relaxing his arm so she could hold his hand as replacement. "Are you okay? Come on..." she said, rubbing his arm with the opposite hand. Ryan shook his head as he held it securely. Marissa leaned back over her seat, twisting as far as her seat belt would allow. She gently took Ryan's face again...pulling him in for more kisses. Their lips melded together for only seconds at a time, quickening every kiss as Ryan's fear hit its highest. He held his eyes firmly shut, his forehead leaning against Marissa's. She tried to mutter soothing words to him, letting him know that things were okay. They were even serving drinks so it really couldn't be _that _bad.

Angry glares from fellow passengers were sent their way, but nothing, at the moment, could make Marissa stop. An old woman who sat across the way, cleared her throat angrily, and with a huff began to whisper to another lady who sat beside her. Both Ryan and Marissa acknowledged these actions but continued to grope each other without any concern. Ryan's heavy breathing lessened with every second, as he soon slipped into their usual make-out tranquility. His mind went somewhere else, kissing this girl like no one was watching. He got lost in her like he had the night before and so many other nights since he had met her. She was the only one who could open him up...make him talk and bring him back down to earth when tensions rose too high.

Ryan finally released his hands, feeling safe enough to pull Marissa closer. She smiled into him, getting far too comfortable and aroused to be doing this in public. The plane leveled off and began moving with ease, the wind and rain no longer making it sway violently back and forth. Ryan let his sweaty palms relax, only lightly holding Marissa instead of clutching onto her for dear life. The captain rattled out more of his flight commentary, clarifying that the worst had passed. _"Alright folks…sorry about the trouble. From here on we all hope to see smooth sailing into Orange County." _

The red neon seat belt sign remained lit as sighs of relief were heard throughout the plane's cabin. Marissa drew away from Ryan, planting her lips on his moist forehead before pulling back to see his face. "Are you okay now?" she asked, rubbing his arm sweetly. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times and letting out a deep breath. Releasing Marissa completely, he wiped the sweat away, rubbing his palms up and down his pant covered thighs. He leaned back against the seat, breathing in and out to make his heart stop pounding. "I hope so…" he sighed. He turned to her against, taking her hand and rubbing her fingers smoothly. "Thanks." He said, half smiling at her with gratitude. She nodded, smiling back and looking him in the eye. She pulled him back in, kissing him again to his surprise. 

"What was that for?" he asked, his eyes still closed. He licked the gloss off his lips, grinning widely at her. She shrugged, nuzzling his cheek. "Just because the turbulence stopped doesn't mean we have to…" Ryan smiled wider, moving back in to kiss her more. She pushed him away, putting a finger to his lips. Unbuckling her seat belt, Marissa stood up and slid her way into the aisle. She slowly walked toward the back of the second class cabin, looking back at Ryan and biting her lip. She tilted her head to the side, motioning for him to follow her as she moseyed through the dark blue curtains into the next section of the plane. Ryan hurriedly followed her, tossing his seat belt aside and almost jogging down the aisle to catch up. Going through the curtains as well, Ryan saw Marissa shut the large plastic door of one of the bathrooms. He stood in front of the closed door, looking around nervously before tapping lightly. 

Marissa opened the door in a swift swing, grabbing Ryan by the shirt and pulling him into the enclosed space with her. She giggled quietly as Ryan grunted, being forced into the tiny bathroom which smelled of bleach and cheap soap. Marissa pushed him back into the small metal sink, grabbing the back of his head and kissing him forcefully. Ryan pulled her in by the waist, feeling her soft skin through her clothes. He pushed her back into the door, making a larger thud than either of them had wanted. Ryan grinded himself against her, wrapping an arm around her back while the other moved to grip her face. He kissed her deeply, gently taking each lip between his own, sucking away the vanilla taste of her lip gloss. He abruptly pulled away from her, grimacing and looking around in confusion. She swiped away stray hairs from her face, resting her hands atop his shoulders. "What's wrong?" she asked, smacking her lips together to lessen the saliva. 

He shook his head, stick looking around. "W-Why am I wet?" he asked, pulling his hands away to pat his backside. She took a step in the opposite direction, giving him room to move away himself. She stifled a laugh, putting a hand over her face. "What?" he asked, annoyed and still very confused. Marissa pointed forward. "You sat on the faucet…" she said, smiling widely. Ryan closed his eyes, shaking his head in embarrassment and twisting to look at the large wet spot on his back and butt. "Great." He said, reaching past Marissa to collect a few sheets of paper towel. He patted the spot, trying to dry himself the best he could. Marissa grabbed his arm, taking away the towel and turning him around. "Here, let me." She said, squatting to the floor and dabbing the wetness away.

"How did you not feel that?" she asked, still somewhat laughing at him. "I don't know…" he answered. "I was kind of not thinking about my butt at the moment." She held her hand to his pants, letting the thin cloth absorb most of the water. Ryan smirked to himself, turning his head to look behind him. "You know…" he said. "This is kind of getting me hot." Marissa stood up, tossing the paper towels into the waste basket. She turned Ryan around again, letting her arms drape around his neck. "Oh yeah?" she asked, pecking him teasingly. He nodded against her, his eyes falling shut as they once again leaned against the door. Ryan sighed, sounding and looking frustrated. "So much for a big romantic moment." he grumbled, running his hands up and down her sides. "It's okay." She said, shrugging it off. "I actually think it's kind of cute." Ryan let his eyes roam over Marissa's face again, examining each feature that made his heart and body ache for her further.

A loud knock broke their gaze, causing them to stand up straight and naturally separate. _"Excuse me?"_ a voice called from behind the door. "Uh…yeah?" Ryan said, answering the voice. _"Please return to your seat immediately."_ the voice continued. _"The captain hasn't switched off the seat belt sign and we'll be reaching our destination shortly."_ Ryan dropped his head, disappointed that his and Marissa's bathroom escapade was cut short. "Okay." He called, giving Marissa a short glance before turning around completely to open the door. To his surprise, a woman still stood before him as he held the door open, Marissa awkwardly standing behind him. The Stewardess raised her eyebrows, giving both of them a stern looking and exhaling noisily in disgust. Marissa took Ryan's hand as they squeezed passed the angry woman, trying desperately not to crack up in her face. "Excuse us…" Marissa said as they hurriedly walked back to their sits.

Plopping back down, Ryan and Marissa both laughed out loud. They buckled their seat belts back up, again getting situated and comfortable for the remainder of the flight. "Oh man, she was really mad." Marissa said, looking back behind them to see if she was still watching them. Her laughing subsided as she let her head sit on Ryan's shoulder. She closed her eyes contently, feeling Ryan's chest rise and fall with every breath he took. "I'm really uncomfortable right now." Ryan stated, making Marissa jerk her head off his arm. "Sorry…" she said, moving to stay on her own seat. "No, it's not you." He said, shifting back and forth.

"My butt's still wet."


	33. Welcome Back to the OC, Bitch

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Welcome Back to the OC, Bitch.**

Ryan and Marissa walked hand and hand through the exiting terminal of the now landed airplane. Their weekend bags draped respectively on both their shoulders as they dodged the other various passengers. Ryan released Marissa's hand, moving behind her so he could guide them through. Emerging completely into the actual airport, they connected hands again, walking casually to the outer exits. Faces passed, eyes looking every which way as people prepared for their own departing flights. It was like a system that made itself very familiar to Ryan and Marissa in only a short weekend. Ryan smiled to himself, running a thumb over the back of Marissa's fingers. In such a foreign place as Berkeley, even only hours from home, Ryan felt comfort and a sense of familiarity in Marissa. She knew him and he knew her…a fact that made college orientation that much easier.

They walked slowly in silence, the noise and commotion hazing faintly in Ryan's mind. His body moved without his head's control, holding Marissa's hand loosely as their arms hung at his waist. A strong realization came over him as they slowed to a stop, waiting for luggage carts to pass before them and make their way to the moving belts beyond. Although people sometimes leave, for whatever personal reason they might comprise, they must return home, to their roots and families, at some point in the future. He'd never really left Newport by himself since he'd come, only traveling with Seth and Sandy for their rare visits to the Nana. It was always good to go back, and knowing he and Marissa would be home in a short while made Ryan that more calm. A calm that usually only engulfed his body when he lay quietly in the pool house…a solitary sanctuary he made his own, away from everyone when he wanted it.

Ryan felt a tug on his arm, causing his to look quickly ahead at Marissa's wide eyes. She was a step ahead of him, her arm outstretched trying to pull him along. She tilted her head to one side, looking at his goofy expression with perplexity. "You okay?" she asked, taking a step forward again to stand in front of him. He lifted his head so his chin sat higher, looking her softly in the eye and nodding his head. "Yeah, I'm great." he said, his voice barely audible through the rambling chatter of others. Marissa half smiled at him, rubbing a hand up his arm and linking them together. They started walking once more, reaching the outside where cars and taxis were parked at the curb. Marissa waved a hand, flagging down a cab and stepping off the crowded sidewalk to open the side door. She let her bag slide down her arm, lifting it so she could throw it in the back seat.

"Ryan!" a voice called in the distance. Ryan and Marissa turned around, seeing Kirsten standing a few yards away. She smiled widely, waving at them and motioning for them to come over. Ryan smiled back at her, tapping Marissa's side. She picked her bag back up, letting the cab driver know that he wasn't needed, and then joined Ryan on the walk over to Kirsten. Kirsten opened her arms broadly, pulling Ryan in for a motherly hug. She patted his back, pulling away after a few seconds so she could do the same to Marissa. Marissa fully accepted the hug, smiling with surprise at how excited Kirsten looked to see them. She pulled away from Marissa, standing in front of the car and continuing to smile. She sighed loudly, walking to the trunk of the car so they could toss their stuff inside. "You two have to tell me _everything_ about Berkeley." She stated, closing the trunk again and walking to the driver's side. Ryan opened the side door parallel to the sidewalk, hopping into the car with Marissa behind him. She also pulled herself into the seat, resting her back against the leather before pulling the door closed.

Kirsten started up the car, glancing in her side mirror to observe surrounding traffic. Ryan rested his head on the back of the seat, sighing with relief. "I uh…I really wanted to thank you for all you've done, Kirsten." he said, looking at her through her rearview mirror. She looked up to meet his stare, nodding at him and understanding his need for thanks. "I don't know what I would have said to get another ticket for the plane ride back." he continued. Kirsten pulled out of her parking space, cruising down the street and braking as they approached a stop sign. "It was no problem, Ryan. I know the rain really screwed everything up." Ryan and Marissa shook their head, laughing quietly at how true that statement was. "You could say that again…" Ryan mumbled. "So, how was it?" Kirsten asked, starting the conversation again. Ryan shrugged, not even knowing where to start. "Um, it was really, really great." he said. "I met a really cool guy, went to my first college party, and actually got a tour of the architectural building."

"Ah." Kirsten uttered. "Sandy will be thrilled to hear you had a good time." The car started moving again, finally picking up speed as Kirsten maneuvered her way out of the airport bubble. "What about you Marissa?" she asked, glancing back into the mirror so she could see her. Marissa was looking down at her hands, smiling and giggling quietly as Ryan played with her fingers. Kirsten furrowed her eyebrows, looking from the mirror and then back at the road. Marissa and Ryan were acting especially friendly weren't they? Marissa cleared her throat, again lifting her head to answer Kirsten's question. "Um, yeah…yeah it was really fun." she said. "The campus was beautiful and the people were nice for the most part." Kirsten smiled warmly, acknowledging Marissa's response. "Well I'm glad you both found what you were looking for."

Silence filled the car as they drove, Ryan and Marissa still secretly playing with each other's hands in the backseat. "Thanks for coming to get us Kirsten." Ryan spoke up again. "We were about to get into another cab." Kirsten shrugged, saying that it really was no problem. "I wanted to bring you both home and see how your weekends were. Seth and Summer got back a little while ago and they filled me in on all the details." Ryan nodded, tilting his head to the window so he could watch the passing scenery. "How was Brown? Did they love it?" Marissa asked. "Seth loved it, yes…but I don't know about Summer." Kirsten replied. " She said the buildings were pretty and the people sounded smart, but she didn't really have the full experience because she got sick."

Marissa pouted her lip, feeling bad for her friend. "Poor Sum." She said, looking over at Ryan. He turned around again, meeting her gaze and looking at her dotingly. He half smiled, taking her fingers between his again as he slowly blinked. Kirsten saw their every move, noticing these playful and flirtatious acts. She let them go, at least for now…not wanting to bring anything up at such a time. They drove quietly, once in a while telling stories back and forth about their weekend experience. Ryan told Kirsten about Will and how he couldn't wait for him to meet Seth, and Kirsten explained how the house was very quiet when it was only she and Sandy. The scenery changed as an hour passed, palm trees and ocean filling the car window's view. They passed a sign, welcoming them to Newport Beach, California. Ryan smiled again, the feeling of home overwhelming him. He took a deep breath and shifted in his seat, stretching from the ride and sitting up straight. Marissa did the same, lifting her arms over her head and yawning loudly. "I'll take Marissa home first." Kirsten said, turning on the side streets toward Summer's house. 

Kirsten finally pulled into the driveway putting the car in park and turning to look at the people behind her. "Thanks for the ride, Kirsten." Marissa said, opening the door and stepping out onto the concrete. "No problem, sweetie." She answered with a grin. "Uh, I'll help you with your stuff." Ryan said, also exiting the car and following Marissa to the trunk. "So I'll see you later?" he whispered, handing her the extremely heavy suit case. She nodded, smiling and winking at him before turning to walk up the stairs to the front door. Giving a small wave to Kirsten and Ryan, she rang the door bell and was greeted by her mom and Summer in the doorway. 

Ryan got back into the car, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs. For the first time in a while things actually seemed pretty okay. He liked what he saw at Berkeley, made a new friend, and patched things up with Marissa…for the time being, anyway. Kirsten backed out of the driveway again, turning the car in the direction of the Cohen house. "Good to be home?" Kirsten asked, turning another corner. Ryan closed his eyes and sighed. "You have no idea." he said. Kirsten stifled a laugh, finally wanting to approach a certain subject…or someone.

"So…" she said. "You want to tell me what's going on with you and Marissa?"


	34. What's Your Damage, Summer?

**Chapter Thirty-Four: What's Your Damage, Summer?**

_"You want to tell me what's going on with you and Marissa?"_

Ryan froze in the back seat, his hands tightening as he furrowed his eyebrows in Kirsten's direction. His mouth lay open as he glared at her through the rear view mirror. "Wh-What do mean?" he asked, shifting nervously in the seat. "Oh come on, Ryan." she said, letting one hand rest on the steering wheel. "Don't think I didn't see your little touches and googily eyes back there." Ryan's eyes fell as he sheepishly grinned to himself, finally look back to meet Kirsten's eyes. "Well?" Kirsten solicited. Ryan shrugged, clearly his throat and trying to formulate the words. "Well…I actually don't really know what to say." he admitted. "I mean, this weekend was great…really great." Kirsten nodded, taking note of his cheesy beam. "So, you guys are…what?" she continued. Ryan stopped smiling, smacking his lips together and wetting them quickly before he pressed on. "Uh…we haven't really discussed it." he said. "So I don't know."

Kirsten knew what he meant. Ryan and Marissa's relationship was always in a different stage…whether they were fighting or caught in a compromising position. Not even Ryan knew where they stood at any given time. Their hearts and minds were all over the place, confused and irresolute every step of the way. There were little blips of happiness here and there, but always the same inevitably doomed relationship that blossomed from the beginning. Kirsten knew Ryan loved Marissa. She could just see it in his eyes whenever she entered a room…even more when his baby blues were saddened with each transitory break up. But there was something so different with her when the happiness came to an end. With any other girl, Ryan would have a short mourning period, hiding himself in the pool house for days, reminiscing and eventually coming out of his break up lull. 

But with Marissa Cooper, it was like he wouldn't let himself feel sad. He'd immediately try and move on faster because she broke his heart the most. Of course he would never dare show it, God forbid she would find out. Ryan and Marissa's relationship was just something everyone had gotten used to. It was a huge sort of cycle that came and went, passing a little through everyone's day until one day…it wasn't. The day when Ryan disappeared for a while in sadness and began the whole brooding process over again. "You know, Ryan…" Kirsten began. "Sometimes it works when the guy brings it up." Ryan sighed, nodding with her and knowing Kirsten's advice was always one to work with. "I know, I know." he said. "I just don't want to rush into things too fast and scare her off." 

"Ryan, I've known Marissa a long time. She lived next door from us for years, went to school with Seth, and is the oldest daughter of the infamous Julie Cooper…and I have to tell you…I have never seen that girl as happy as she is when she's with you." Ryan half smiled, his eyes falling to his lap where he fiddled his fingers together. "And to be honest..." she continued. "I kind of see the same in you." She looked behind her quickly, flashing him a smile before turning back to the road. "How do you mean?" he asked, curious as to what she saw. She turned the steering wheel, entering the complex where the Cohen house was located. "You just seem really relaxed when she's around, and the way you look at her says a lot." she admitted. "I know things with you two are always all over the place…but it's like that sometimes with me and Sandy too. Love is really hard." Ryan chuckled and looked out the window at the passing scenery. "Tell me about it." he mumbled.

"So what exactly happened this weekend? You two didn't…you know, did you?" she asked with concern. Ryan shook his head quickly in response "No, no…we didn't." he said. "Just…figured we'd wait for the right time." A sigh of relief was heard from the front seat. "I don't mind if you do." Kirsten retorted. "But I'm very proud of you for waiting…rushing into that sort of thing ruins a relationship sometimes." Kirsten pulled the car into the Cohen's driveway, halting to a stop and putting the car in park. Both she and Ryan let out a moan, both tired from the trip and happy to be home again. Stepping out of the car, Ryan popped the trunk and pulled out his bag, again swinging it over his shoulder. Kirsten stood before him, waiting for him to shut the trunk before they both strolled up the walk way. "You're a good kid, Ryan." Kirsten said out of the blue. "We both missed you and Seth over the weekend." she admitted. "And I hope things really work out with Marissa this time."

Ryan smiled, appreciating her wishes and knowing deep down that he missed her too. Stopping at the doorstep, he leaned forward, taking her in his arms for a light hug. She smiled widely, pulling him in too. Breaking apart, she patted his shoulder; found the right key and opened the front door. Ryan stood back, letting Kirsten walk in first before coming in himself. He let his bag slide down his forearm and rest on the floor next to a tall column and fern. He walked down the small stairs, rubbing his neck, and followed Kirsten into the kitchen. "Where is everyone?" he asked, noticing the silence. Kirsten rested her hands on the marble island, looking around and noticing too. "Sandy's at the office, and Seth mentioned wanting to go to Summer's…so we probably just missed him." Ryan bit his lip and nodded, tapping a finger on the counter.

"You want something to eat?" Kirsten asked, figuring he was hungry from the trip. "I know I'm not the greatest cook yet but there's always Tai if it's horrible." Ryan smiled and declined. "No, thanks." he said. "I had a really big breakfast." He and Will _had_, after all. "I actually want to get unpacked and maybe close my eyes for a little while." Kirsten okayed his motives, turning around to work on some dirty dishes. Ryan walked back into the foyer, retrieving his bag once again. He crossed the kitchen and opened one of the glass doors, heading across the patio and onto the pool house steps. He cracked a smile, peering inside through the open shades and seeing his perfectly made bed. Walking inside, he tossed his stuff onto a side chair before turning to his back and plopping down on the futon.

He closed his eyes and sighed with comfort, basking in the feeling of familiarity. His bed felt so much better than the dirty blow up one Will had provided. Ryan ran a hand over his face, letting his arm fall to the bed again. He lifted himself up and pushed backward with his legs so he was further up by the pillows. He lay back down, now on his side, facing the night table. He glared at a small whicker picture frame, where a picture of he and Marissa was securely nestled. His eyes grew heavy as he stared at her…her smiling face and arms wrapped around him, posing for the camera as the perfect happy couple. Ryan's eyes shut, a smirk across his face as he thought of how they'd talk that night.

Marissa opened the door to Summer's house, immediately bombarded by the high pitched voices of Summer ad Julie. She rushed through the door, dropping her bag to the ground and finding Summer's arms. She hugged her friend tightly, pulling away and giving her mom a smile as she waited for hers. "Hi, sweetie…" Julie said, pulling her daughter close. "Tell us how it was." Marissa shrugged, not knowing where to start and explain. "It was really nice." she merely said. "Aside from the fact that it rained the whole time and I was ditched more than once by my freshman buddy, I really liked it." Summer and Julie both grinned in unison, beginning to walk further into the foyer and toward the kitchen. "The campus was huge." Marissa continued, following behind. Entering the larger room, Julie leaned against the counter and Summer walked past Marissa towards Seth who was in the midst of pouring himself a drink. Summer wrapped an arm around Seth's waist, leaning into him as he took a sip.

"Hey Marissa" he said with a wave. She smiled and waved back, taking a deep breath and leaning back into a kitchen cabinet. "How was Brown, you guys?" she asked, looking toward Seth and Summer, who clutched each other tightly. The two of them were busy whispering back and forth, muttering sentences very fast so no one else could hear. Summer cleared her throat and pulled away from Seth. He placed his empty glass in the sink and joined Summer again. "It was great…" she said with exertion. Julie and Marissa furrowed their eyebrows, both wanting to know the same thing. "What are you two whispering about?" Julie asked, looking at Marissa and then back at Summer. "Nothing..." Summer answered, walking over to Marissa and touching her arm. "Can uh…Seth and I just talk to you for a minute?"

Marissa half opened her mouth, kind of nervous to agree. "Um…" she spewed. "Okay!" Summer said, pulling Marissa into the hallway and motioning for Seth to follow. Summer held Marissa's hand, pulling her upstairs and into her room, letting Seth walk in before closing the door. Marissa sat on Summer's bed, rubbing her arm where Summer feverishly clutched. "Sum, what the hell is going on?" Marissa asked loudly. Summer gave Seth a look and nodded before proceeding to elucidate. "Okay, Coop." she began. "Seth and I have come up with a plan." Marissa squinted again and shook her head, wondering what they were talking about, "A plan? …to do what?" she asked. Summer sat on the bed next to her, shifting her body so she could face Marissa fully.

"To get you and Atwood back together."


	35. Fool Proof Plans

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Fool Proof Plans**

_"To get you and Atwood back together…"_

Marissa's jaw dropped, her eyes darting back and forth between the smiling Seth and Summer. She closed her eyes and shook her head, opening them again and trying to form what to say in reaction to that. It's not like she could blurt out the fact that she and Ryan might already _be_ back together. They hadn't even spoken for weeks and then were suddenly thrown together to get everything out…resulting in a nighttime grope session. She didn't know where they stood now. They never officially finished their talk. She assumed they were together again, but who ever knows with them? What if their weekend was just a one time thing? Close quarters, high tensions – anything could happen, right? Summer put a hand on Marissa's leg, shaking it encouragingly. "Coop, our plan is fool proof." Summer said, smiling widely. "Seth and I have been talking about it, and we think it's really gonna work." Marissa tried to smile, nodding with Summer and looking as enthusiastic as possible. "Uh…what'd you have in mind?" Marissa asked, her voice high and quiet in nervous anticipation.

Summer looked at Seth and grinned, looking exceptionally excited for her friend. "Well we obviously need to get you two alone together for a while…although I'm sure you had a lot of angry interaction over the weekend." Marissa laughed nervously, thinking back. Summer probably assumed Marissa was still mad at Ryan for being so distant early on. She had been pretty clear during their phone call that Ryan was not her favorite person at the moment. She wanted so bad to say that things were better now…that they had talked and were honest with each other for the first time in months. She was just caught off guard- confused about everything she seemed so positive about five minutes before. "Well…Sum, you don't have to do this." Marissa said, trying to easily shake it off. "It's okay, really." She got up from the bed and ran a hand through her hair, letting her other hand slip into her jean pocket. Summer's face fell as she got up as well. "Why not?" she asked pleadingly. "Come on, Coop. I thought this was what you wanted…"

Marissa sighed, feeling bad for trying to dismiss Seth and Summer's attempt for relationship reconciliation. Of course it's what she wanted. It's what she always wanted. She just wasn't sure of how they'd go about it without pushing Ryan too far. She'd accept their help for now…hoping in the back of her mind that things wouldn't turn outside of their favor. There were so many instances on television when a friend tried to get people together, only to push them further apart when they'd go along with it. Of course she hoped it wouldn't happen here…even if she and Ryan weren't officially back on. Marissa looked down at her feet, completely surrounded by tension and pink carpet. "I don't know, you guys." she said in defeat. "I just don't think it's going to work." Seth crossed his arms and thoughtfully nodded, secretly agreeing with Marissa. He was forced into the action by a certain girlfriend. He wanted to help Ryan and Marissa, but knew how Ryan got when people meddled in his relationships.

"If anything I think we should do it ourselves when the time comes." Marissa continued. Summer's shoulders sank as she nodded as well, looking toward Seth with sad eyes. She shrugged, disappointed but understanding. "I appreciate it, Sum. I really do." Marissa said, reaching out to her best friend for a gentle hug. Summer half smiled, patting Marissa's back until they pulled away. "Now…" Marissa started again. "If you'll excuse me, I wanted to do some laundry and get cleaned up, so I guess I'll just see you two later." Marissa gave Seth a wave, walking across the room to open the bedroom door and emerge into the hallway. Seth and Summer stood alone, silent and awkward. Summer put her hands on her hips and gave Seth a side glance. "So…" he said with wide eyes. "You wanna make out?" Summer shrugged her shoulders and walked toward Seth, who casually leaned against Summer's mirror dresser. "…Whatever." she mumbled.

Marissa stood in the laundry room, sorting the different colors of her dirty clothing. She made piles of whites and colors, throwing the garments aimlessly on the floor and atop the dryer. Her mind was elsewhere, daydreaming about her plan to see Ryan later on that night. What would she say to him about Seth and Summer's plan? Half of her wasn't sure but the other half actually loved the idea. They'd arrange some time alone for them…nobody would interrupt…they could finish their talk for real this time. Maybe she should let them help her and Ryan just this once. They'd both feel good about it… 

Loud high heeled footsteps were heard from afar, clinking against the hardwood floor, approaching the open laundry room. Marissa's daydream came to end as Julie appeared before her, leaning against the doorway with an alcoholic drink in hand. "Oh, hi honey." she said, smiling at Marissa and fiddling with the stirrer in her glass. Julie noticed Marissa's messy piles and less than enthusiastic expression at her arrival. "What's wrong?" she asked, setting her glass on the shelf opposite the washer and dryer. Approaching her daughter, Julie lightly rested a hand on Marissa's arm, looking at her with concern. Marissa looked up to meet Julie's eyes, dropping the laundry and leaning against the washing machine. She rubbed her cheek and sighed, picking up her head again. "Nothing, I'm fine." Marissa said. "I'm just tired from the plane, I guess." she admitted. Julie nodded, understanding how tiring a plane ride could be sometimes. She used to travel all the time with Caleb when he was alive.

Julie rubbed a hand up Marissa's arm, looking around at the mess of clothes around the small room. "Alright well I'll tell you what…" she started. "How about you go shower and take a nap…and I'll finish up here." Marissa stood up straight, moving in to hug her mother. Julie held her tightly, smiling to herself at Marissa's sudden affection. It was something she had never really felt before, knowing very well that her previous behavior had yielded that result. "Thanks, mom." she said, pulling away and backing out of the laundry room and into the outside hallway. Julie was left in the jungle of denim and cotton, bending down to pick up a few random t-shirts that lay on the ground. She let them rest on the side shelf, noticing to herself that a particular shirt was soaking wet. She squinted her eyes and lowered her face to the material, wondering why it was so soaked completely and had the faint smell of men's cologne. Shrugging it off, she opened the lid of the washer and tossed the shirt inside, picking up another pile and doing the same. 

Marissa slowly climbed the stairs, turning the corner and entering her bedroom. She shut the door and leaned against it, scanning the plainness of what used to be one of the Robert's guest rooms. She took a deep breath and took a few steps forward, going into the bathroom and facing the door that adjoined her and Summer's rooms. She could hear various slurping noises coming from the other side, followed by a few muffled giggles from Summer. I guess now wasn't a good time to mention she was okay with their plan. It wasn't something that needed rushing anyway. It took long enough to get Ryan back…let the two of them think they persuaded Marissa into it. 

Turning around, Marissa leaned into the shower, twisting the faucet knobs. Water squirt out of the shower head, becoming a falling pool at the bottom of the tub. Marissa tugged at the bottom of her top, lifting her arms to pull it over her head and toss it into her room through the open door. She did the same with her jeans and other remaining clothing, leaving her in the buff to stand vulnerably in front of the sink. She pushed the shower curtain to one side, allowing enough room to step into the tub and become engulfed in the water stream. The room quickly filled with warm steam as hot water pounded on Marissa's chest and shoulders, immediately relaxing her and allowing her daydreams to return. Images of the weekend flashed through her thoughts, forcing a smile on her lips. It felt so good to be in Ryan's arms again…so right that it almost hurt. Although she didn't know why their relationship was always the hardest, she knew that each and every moment together with him was worth the hardship. _He_ was worth it.

_He slept soundly in the silenced room, darkened slightly by the setting sun that was disappearing on the horizon. His position didn't change as he laid, his chest rising and falling with every serene breath. His eyes were tightly shut, flashbacks and fantasies passing in and out of his sleepy brain. She was there, of course, taking over his dreams as always. Even in sleep, she was with him. She would always be around. Always be there to comfort him. He pictured her face, a bright white glow surrounding her outline. The image of her took his breath away…still and quiet, like an angel. His angel. He could see her smile, her blue eyes seeming even brighter in the whiteness, sparkling with more emphasis than he had ever seen before. She put her hand out, looking him in the eye and telling him it was okay…that everything would turn out al lright and she would be there to protect him. He took her hand and held it tightly, standing next to her and looking over the vast scene before him…_

He opened his eyes in an instant, feeling warm lips pressed against his forehead. His eyes widened as he took sharp breaths, looking at his surroundings. Marissa lay beside him, her face and body merely clear through the dusk. He sat up, resting on his elbows and trying to calm himself down. "Hey sleepy head…" she said, her voice soft and gentle. Her hand rested on his cheek, sliding it up to his hair and then down again. "Are you okay?" she asked. "I didn't mean to scare you…I knocked but no one answered, so I figured I'd just come in." Ryan sat up completely, running a hand over his face and shifting to the side of the bed so Marissa could sit comfortably. "I just had a really weird dream." Ryan stated, blinking repeatedly to try and wake himself further. Marissa looked at him with worry. "Why, what happened?" she asked. He looked down at his feet, thinking of the way she had looked. What was that about? "Uh, nothing, nothing...it's not important." he said, trying to wave it off and not make it a big deal. Marissa shrugged, moving her body so they could sit waist by waist on the futon. "Was I in it, at least?" she asked hopefully. Ryan half smiled, recognizing those same bright eyes he had seen only a minute before. It's like he knew she was there with him or something. He felt the warmly presence.

"Of course you were…" he admitted. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into him as their foreheads touched. He tilted his head, leaning into her and capturing her lips in short kiss. They pulled apart and glanced into each other's eyes, Marissa feeling extremely at ease in their relationship for the time being. "So…I actually have a story." she said, pulling away from him so she could slide down the bed and lay flat against the pillows. "Apparently, Seth and Summer have come up with a way to get the two of us back together." Ryan raised his eyebrows, following her action and resting his head against the pillows as well. "Oh yeah?" he said, laughing for a second at the irony. "Yeah." Marissa muttered. "But I actually think it's kind of a good idea." Ryan grunted, not really knowing what to say or how to react. He kind of thought they already were back together. I mean…he just kissed her without a problem, right? They never did finished their talk. Things were complicated.

"Summer said how the two of them want to arrange some alone time for us…so, that's always a good thing, right?" Ryan nodded, thinking of how good that actually sounded. Alone time. No blabbering Seth, no ringing cell phones…just him and Marissa. Maybe this could work. "Sounds good…" he said. Marissa grinned and dug her face further into the pillow, looking over his tired face. "I think so." she said. "We can make Seth and Summer think they helped…and secretly be having some good alone time." Ryan smiled too, leaning his head forward to peck her again. "I like that plan." he mumbled under his breath. Marissa quietly giggled and moved closer to him, resting her head in the crook of his neck. "Me too…it's fool proof."


	36. Freaky Future Fantasies

**_Chapter Thirty-Six: Freaky Future Fantasies_**

_The image of her took his breath away…still and quiet, like an angel. His angel. He could see her smile, her blue eyes seeming even brighter in the whiteness, sparkling with more emphasis than he had ever seen before. She put her hand out, looking him in the eye and telling him it was okay…that everything would turn out all right and she would be there to protect him. He took her hand and held it tightly, standing next to her and looking over the vast scene before him… ___

_His hand fell from hers as he took a step forward. Heat rose into the air, touching his face and exposed skin with its deep intensity. His eyes began to water and tear through the thick smoke, causing him to blink them away and focus more on what was happening. A dim light surrounded the scene, nothing heard but the distant crackling of fire. His arms were tightly wrapped around her limp and fragile frame, holding her upper body erect with a tilted knee. A hand rested on her face, his nervous eyes staring at her in shock and disbelief. Red streaks were visible through her blonde hair, contrasting her paler skin further. Her arms and legs lay loosely on the damp pavement, his diaphragm shielding her from the heat and flame. Her eyes opened at last, loose breaths escaping her lips with difficulty. ___

_She reached out to him, pulling on his chest in desperate fragility. She closed her eyes again, squinting through the pain and swallowing the blood that coated her throat. He said nothing, only stared at her helplessly. "Ryan…" she blurted, her fingers still gnawing at his collar. His eyes burned through her, mouth too dry to reply or call for help. This was it. How did this happen? Why? "Ryan." she repeated. The earth around him shook and blurred through the clouds of darkness. He sat there with her, unable to save her one last time…and knowing deep down that after this, his life was over. "Ryan." she continued. "Ryan."_

He felt a shake again, a sharp pressure against his chest. "Ryan. Hey….Ryan, wake up." He leapt forward, completely disheveled and unaware of his surroundings. The same darkness filled the room. He gasped for air, blinking awake, feeling an uncomfortable wetness. He felt a hand on his chest and looked to his side, seeing the silhouette of a crooked head. The hand left him and the silhouette shifted, a bright light flicking on in an instant. She appeared to him again, eyes wide with deliberate concern. "Ryan…" she said again, touching his face with the back of her hand. "What happened?" He was soaking wet. His t-shirt stuck to him, forearms damp and neck dripping sweat. "You're burning up." she stated, moving her hand around each point of his face. He swallowed, resting on his palms and trying greatly to catch his breath. Confusion engulfed him. Was that a dream or...some kind of vision? Her eyes stayed glued to his, searching for answers.

"I-I don't know what happened…" he admitted. "I don't even remember falling asleep." Marissa's hand fell from his cheek, sliding it over one of his shoulders. She scrunched a hand, feeling the cotton of his shirt between her scrunched fingers. "You're soaking wet…come on." She got up, pulling him with her off the side of the futon. He looked around in delirium, the bedside lamp illuminating the room in which they stood. They were still in the pool house…must have dosed off from before. The same dream twice in a row? Only this time it had gone on further. She led him up the few stairs into the kitchen area of the pool house, switching on the light. She let go of his hand again, reaching over the counter to rip some paper towels. Folding them into a small rectangle, she turned on the kitchen faucet and let the water soak in. Ringing it out slowly, she flattened it again and pressed it up against Ryan's forehead. He closed his eyes, the cold water somewhat calming him. Marissa held it to his head, taking it off every few seconds to apply it to his cheeks and neck. After the towel became warm, she tossed it away and retrieved a single glass from a cupboard. Again, she turned on the faucet to fill up the glass halfway. Ryan shakily took it from her hands, lifting it up to his mouth and trying his best to swallow the cold liquid. He set down the cup, only taking a sip, and stood staring at the counter.

He walked passed Marissa, stopping in front of the shelves that held his clothes and picking out a fresh white t-shirt. He lifted the wet one over his head, tossing it across the room to land on the floor near the door. He pulled on the dry shirt, sighing with comfort and starting to feel better. "Ryan, what's going on with you?" Marissa asked. He walked back over to her, stopping at her feet. "I don't even know how to explain it." he admitted, shaking his head. "Can you try to at least?" she begged. He took her hand once more and led her back to the futon, sitting her down and taking a seat beside her. He looked down at his hands, not knowing where to even start. Why was this happening to him? He always had weird dreams…but this broke the mold entirely. "Remember earlier…when you came by and woke me up?" he asked, lifting his head to look at her in the eye again. She nodded silently, gesturing he go on. "Well I had a dream…and I told you that you were in it." he continued. "I didn't know where we were…you just- you just took my hand and told me everything was okay- that you'd be there to protect me."

Marissa listened intently trying to figure out why he was so shaken up over this. "And then what?" she asked. Ryan looked down again and sniffled. He ran a hand over his face and up into his hair, letting it fall down to his lap again. "And then…you looked ahead…and I looked too." He paused, getting flashbacks of what he saw. The fire. The darkness. The blood. Her cold skin and pale face. The smell of death that lingered even now. His eyes shut tight and he shuddered at the thought. Marissa gently put her hand on his leg. "Ryan, its okay." she whispered softly. "What did you see?" He opened his eyes and touched her hand, squeezing it tightly. It wasn't cold at all like he imagined. She put a hand on his back too, rubbing up and down to calm him. "I saw us…" he said finally, looking up at her again. "I saw us. We were in the middle of the road…I don't know where. Nobody else was around. It was just the two of us, and a car was on fire behind us." Marissa looked at him peculiarly.

"On fire?" she repeated. Ryan stared at the rug, nodding at her question. "You were in my arms. I was sitting on the middle of the road and you were lying in my arms." He squeezed her hand tighter. She sighed in panic, looking down at their hands entangled together. "Was I…"she started quietly, unable to finish the statement. Ryan shook his head and kept his eyes on the ground. "No, no not yet." he said. "But you just looked so…" he searched for the words. "You looked so fake to me." he said. "You were just white and laying there repeating my name over and over." She swallowed loudly, letting go of the grip on his hand. She sat there fiddling her thumbs, trying to make sense of it all. "But, what does this mean?" she whispered. "They say dreams mean _something_." He shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know." he admitted. "Maybe I'm just-"

There was a knock at the pool house door. Kirsten appeared in the doorway, interrupting their conversation with a bright smile. "Oh. Hi Marissa." she said cheerfully. "Sorry, I didn't know you were here." Marissa half smiled at Kirsten, everything still lurking in the back of her head. Kirsten stood outside of the pool house, leaning on a column that rose high from the patio. "I just came to see if Ryan wanted to eat." she explained. "Seth and Sandy are back if you want to say hello, Ryan." she said. Ryan got up and half smiled too. Marissa followed behind. "You can stay if you'd like, Marissa." Kirsten said as the three of them started across the patio. "It's Tai so we have plenty." Kirsten chuckled and put and arm around Marissa's shoulder. Marissa looked hesitant, glancing at Ryan to see if it was okay. Ryan stopped and turned around, looking between Kirsten and Marissa. "Yeah, why don't you stay?" he agreed. Marissa smiled at him and nodded, walking inside with Kirsten.

Sandy stood at the counter, scooping food from metal containers into large serving bowls. Seth sat at the table, already chewing rapidly. Sandy looked up from the food as footsteps and voices were heard from outside. Kirsten emerged into the house, followed by Ryan and Marissa. "Hey Sandy." Ryan muttered, walking to him and leaning on the island. "Ryan…" Sandy said, pulling him in for a hug. Over Ryan's shoulder, Sandy spotted Marissa standing at one corner of the table, watching Seth shovel food into his mouth. "Hi Marissa." Sandy said, handing Ryan a bowl of food and carrying one himself. Marissa lifted a hand and gave a small wave, smiling at Sandy as he gave her a huge too. They all encircled the table, pulling out chairs here and there and plopping themselves down. "Hey Ryan!" Seth mumbled through his mouth of noodles. Ryan gave him a high five and took his place at the table across from Marissa. 

"So…you guys have to tell us about your weekends." Sandy said, filling his plate with Tai noodles and chicken. He smiled and looked at both Seth and Ryan, waiting for a response. Seth chewed the best he could, spewing a few random phrases. Everyone else remained silent, listening to Seth ramble and crack himself up about the happenings of Brown University. Ryan shuffled the food around on his plate, twisting his fork around and trying to tune out Seth's cackles. He looked up at Marissa who was doing the same, looking at him silently, her eyes basically saying everything. Ryan pushed his chair out and stood up from the table. "I'm uh, I'm actually not that hungry." he said, picking up his plate. "Thanks for dinner you guys, but I think I'm just gonna go lay down." Sandy and Kirsten nodded, as Seth paused his story. "Are you feeling all right, Ryan?" Kirsten asked, watching him walk to the sink and discard his food and silverware. "Yeah, I'm fine." he said. "Just not that hungry."

He walked across the rest of the kitchen, opening a back door and letting it close quietly behind him. Marissa still sat at the table, fork in hand. "I should…I should go see him." she said, getting up and walking to the door. She looked back at the table before turning the handle. "Um, thank you both for dinner." She smiled at Sandy and Kirsten who both nodded respectively. She looked at Seth who sat inaudibly, whispering goodbye and finally opening the door. Out on the patio, the pool house was dimly lit. She moseyed across to the doorway, looking inside through the glass. Ryan sat on the futon, head down and hands on the top of his hair. His elbows were rested on his knees and he sat still. She knocked lightly, opening the glass door and stepping inside. He looked up at her, letting his hands fall, and let out a deep breath. She stood a distance away, observing him from a far. He looked so tired, even though he had slept. His hair was messy, pointing every which way with no hopes of tame. In only a t-shirt and sweats, he looked as cute as ever.

She took a few steps forward, stopping in front of him and kneeling down to the floor. He looked down at her, sitting on her feet between his knees. They looked into each other's eyes in silence, Marissa's hand reaching up to rest on his cheek. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, leaning into the warmth of her hand. He sighed, and opened his eyes again to look at her. Marissa sat up slightly, now on her knees, face to face with him. She moved her other hand to rest on his shoulder, their faces only inches apart. She leaned in first, resting nose to nose and finally letting their lips touch. Marissa kissed him slowly, pulling his face in closer as seconds passed. He pulled her in by the waist, letting both hands rest on the small of her back. They both were gentle, knowing nothing would come from it…just enjoying each other's closeness.

Marissa pulled away from him, her eyes still tightly shut. He panted, rubbing a hand up and down her back. "What was that for?" he whispered as she sat back to the ground. She shrugged, licking her lips and taking his hand. "It just seemed like you needed it…" She played with his fingers, knowing the dream subject had to be brought up again. She squeezed his fingers and sniffled, finally intertwining their hands again. "So…" she started. He stretched out his bottom lip, looking to the side with this awkward moment. "I don't know what to think, Ryan." Marissa spoke. "I know it's probably not a big deal…it was just a dream. I just don't want you to take it this seriously." He nodded and rested his face in the other free palm. He knew she was most likely right. It was only the intensity of the dream that freaked him out. Even though he was asleep, he felt like he was right there when it was happening. He felt the heat. Smelt the smoke. Felt his heart break looking at her that way.

"I know." he finally said. "No more worrying, right?" Marissa smiled and got to her feet, bending to kiss him again. "No more worrying." she agreed. She glanced at the clock and straightened her jacket. "I should probably get home, huh?" Ryan stood up with her and nodded, bending backward to stretch and crack his back. He stood with her in the middle of the room, rubbing her upper forearm. "…Unless you want me to stay with you tonight." she suggested, putting her hands on his sides. He raised his eyebrows but shook his head no. "That's okay…I'm sure I'll be fine." he said with reassurance. Marissa nodded and looked into his misty blue eyes again. He pulled her in close, wrapping both arms around her arm back, squeezing her gently in a tight hug. "I'll see you tomorrow right?" she asked against his neck. "Tomorrow is Day 1 in Operation Make-Up." They both laughed, thinking of Seth and Summer's not-so-helpful help tactics. Letting go of each other, Marissa kissed his cheek and reached for the door, opening it widely to step out of the pool house. She looked back at Ryan with a warm half smile and walk away into the darkness.

He stood where she left him, hands in his pockets, staring out of the glass doors in aimless concentration. Finally he moved backward, sitting slowly on his bed. He shifted, centering himself perfectly between the pillows. He was still exhausted, but feared sleep now for obvious reasons. He sat there in total quiet, listening and thinking to himself. He needed a way to stay awake…


	37. Mr Coffee Crusador

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Mr. Coffee Crusader**

Seth stood over the marble kitchen counter, coffee mug in hand. His fingers tapped gently against a page of the newspaper as he aimlessly skimmed each printed article. He gulped down his last sip of caffeine, turning around toward the cupboards. Reaching for the handle, he opened the cabinet door, retrieving a box of cereal and the half empty bag of scented coffee. He placed the cereal box down near the morning paper, opening the coffee bag and pouring some into the maker. It noisily purred behind him as he crossed the kitchen, opening more doors and drawers to get a bowl and spoon. He fixed himself a hardy bowl and sat at the island, shoveling spoon-fulls as he read his Arts and Leisure.

Kirsten appeared in the kitchen, dressed and eyes bright. "Morning, sweetie." she said with glistening teeth. She walked past Seth with his mouth full of cereal, tousling his hair as she made her way to the coffee pot. Seth winced at her as he chewed, pulling away in his seat. "Mom…no touching the Jew fro." he stated, words jumbled up with Cheerios. "You have no idea how long it takes to get perfect in the morning." Kirsten rolled her eyes and reached for a mug, setting it down on the counter and turning to Seth again. "Is this a fresh pot?" she asked, pointing toward the brewing coffee. Seth nodded, picking up his own half empty mug. "Who'd you make it for, yourself?" she joked. "There's like half a cups worth in there." Seth shrugged and continued to chomp on his oats. "Such a good son." Kirsten mumbled. "…Makes coffee for his parents in the morning."

Kirsten grabbed the bag of coffee from the island, scrunching her face as she opened it and looked inside. "That's odd." she said. Seth looked up from his newspaper with curiosity. "I bought a new bag yesterday." she explained. "This one's almost empty." Seth swallowed again and set down his paper. "Yeah, it was already open when I came down." he said. "I just figured dad woke up for some before hitting the surf." Kirsten shook her head and poured more beans into the top of the maker. "No, your father's still in bed." Seth got up and walked to the fridge, putting the milk carton away. "Weird." He strolled toward his mother to put his dirty bowl and spoon in the sink, and then picked up the pot to put more water inside. He replaced the pot in the maker's holder, then stood leaning against the counter. Kirsten smiled and patted his back, reaching a hand up to wipe away a stray milk drop. Seth sighed and closed his eyes, embarrassed by his mother even when no one else was around. "So…" Kirsten whispered. "Anything exciting planned for today?"

Seth stood up straighter and looked down at his dirty black Converse. "Not really…I'm supposed to go over to Summer's later. She has this big plan to reunite Ryan and Marissa." he explained, smiling to himself at the ridiculous thought. Kirsten furrowed her eyebrows, figuring Seth and Summer already knew that was in the works. Maybe what she had seen in the car was supposed to be a secret…or maybe it was nothing after all. "Oh." she simply said, thinking to herself. "Well that's nice of you two." Seth half smiled and nodded. "I have a meeting with Julie today." Kirsten said. "We're organizing more faces for the match company. Actually found a cute one for the Nana." Seth shook his head. "He won't be cute after meeting the Nana." he warned, looking to the steaming coffee pot. He walked past Kirsten and retrieved another mug from the cupboard. Seth reached for the coffee and poured the hot liquid into the clean mug, before moving on to his own and his mother's. "I'm gonna go take some to Ryan…see if he's up yet." he said, picking up both mugs and walking to the back doors. "Have fun with Julie." he muttered sarcastically, balancing the coffee as he turned the door's handle. Kirsten rolled her eyes again and took a sip from her own mug. "Yeah…good luck with the love match." she said, turning to the counter as he shut the door.

Ryan sat up on the pool house bed, his eyes droopy and dark, encircled with tired wrinkles. One hand clutched the bed sheet, the other dangling the handle of a porcelain mug. He parted his lips slightly, reaching his arm up and tilting his head back as caffeine flooded into his mouth. Another cup finished off. He stared blankly at the wall, darkened with the drawn shades and hidden from the outside world. He yawned, muscled flexing strongly as his stretched his arms and back. A muffled growl came from him as he did so, feeling the annoying pangs of exhaustion take over. A knock at the door caused this growl to return, as Ryan didn't want to answer or even move. He sat still, hoping whoever was there would go away. After several seconds of silence, the knocking continued and Ryan forced himself to be mobile. He pulled his legs out of their Indian style position and pushed his body up off the bed to stand crookedly on the course carpet. He took small steps, shuffling toward the door with his wrinkled PJs and lack of hair style.

Opening the door, he eyes squared on the mug tightly held in the person's hand. His eyes moved upward to reveal Seth, smiling brightly through the pale sunlight. "Hey man." Seth said, stepping into the dark room. "Brought you some coffee." Ryan urgently grabbed the cup and nodded at Seth as a thank you. He sat back on the bed and sighed, sipping the coffee like he was a junkie with fix. Seth plopped down on the chair opposite the futon, crossed his legs and let his arm and coffee mug out stretch on the armrest. He quietly observed Ryan rub his eyes and sip his coffee, looking around the room and noticing all blinds were drawn. "You okay man?" Seth asked, squinting his eyes and finally realizing there was a second mug on Ryan's nightstand. Ryan shrugged and swallowed, sliding his feet into his slippers. "I'm fine." he stated. "Just didn't get a lot of sleep last night." Seth continued to wonder but let the subject pass. Now was a good a time as any to bring up Marissa.

"Well…my mom is going out in a little and I think my dad has to work, so I figured we could head over to Summer's." Ryan nodded, half listening. "Sounds good." Seth sat up, mug in hand. "And Marissa will be there too so we might go to the diner and hit the beach later or something." Seth hung his head with no response, giving up. "Alright well, I leave you alone then." he said, getting up. "I thought we could leave in like an hour or so if that's okay." Ryan nodded again as Seth turned toward the door. "Seth…" Ryan called. He turned again, his hand still on the handle. "Thanks for the coffee." Seth swung open the door, and stepped out onto the patio. "Sure." he said, shutting the door behind him.

Ryan remained seated on the bed, legs swung over one side and slippered feet planted on the floor. He rubbed his eyes roughly, trying to wake himself up so he could start a new day. He had told Seth he looked that way because he didn't sleep a lot. True on some levels, but false in the way that he didn't sleep at all. Dosed here or there for minutes at  
a time, but force himself to wake again. Cup after cup of coffee helped him in the wee hours of night, gave him energy to not pass out with exhaustion, but now the caffeine boost was wearing despite his constant consumption. He tilted his head back again and brought the new mug to his lips, letting the fluid cascade down to the back of his throat. He winced slightly through the burning sensation, but satisfied still with the bitter sweetness of the drink. Pulling himself to his feet, Ryan lifted his arms, pulling his white t-shirt over his head and tossing it several feet to the hamper. He slowly made his way up the stairs and across the cold tile, settling quietly into the bathroom. He shut the door and flipped on the light, illuminating himself for the first time that day.

He ran a hand through his hair and down his face, looking at the puffiness that became his eyes. Ryan turned on the faucet, letting water run on his finger until it turned warm. He cupped his hands together, making a small bowl that filled with warmth and moisture. Dipping his head close to the sink, he let the water crash into his face. He cupped and splashed over and over, finally satisfied. Keeping his eyes closed, he felt around for a hand towel, finding one and dabbing the wetness away. He set the towel down again and turned toward the shower, pulling the shower's door to the right. Ryan reached inside the shower to turns the water on, wetting his forearm with cold water. He stepped back and shook his arm around, making droplets go every which way. He let his hands rest on the band of his pajama pants, gripping them tightly and pulling them down to his ankles. The room soon filled with steam and Ryan kicked aside his pants and boxers to step into the scolding water. He sighed as the warmth engulfed his body, pulling the door shut again so the floor wouldn't flood.

He stood under the shower head, letting the water run down his face and chest, feeling puddles form and swirl at his toes. He blinked away the streams that ran from his forehead, feeling better as time passed. Ryan stood there for a while, careless of time, only thinking of the events soon to come. Day One of Operation Make-Up…no doubt full of Seth and Summer's cheesy attempts at romance. An upside, however, would be seeing a certain Ms. Cooper. He grinned to himself and finally took a step back, letting the water beat down his stomach and legs. Ryan shook his head side to side, rubbing the water away and taking a deep breathe. He shampooed his hair and soaped up his body, feeling squeaky clean and fully awake at last. He turned the water off, sliding the door open again. His feet slid against the floor as he walked for a towel, rubbing his face and arms and tying it tightly around his waist.

He emerged into the main room again, leaving the bathroom door open to clear out the steam. Taking in the fresh air, he stood in front of the shelves that held his clothes. Piles of wife beaters, jeans, and stacks of t-shirts were among his selection. He picked himself an outfit, dropping his towel and dressing quickly. He picked up the towel from the ground and rubbed it roughly atop his hair, flattening and styling it with his hand. Bending to the ground, he lifted his boots, pulling them on one by one and letting the laces hang untied. He straightened his shirt and walked to the door. Ryan swung it open to see Seth, an arm outstretched and obviously about to knock. "Oh, hey…" he said, surprised to see Ryan. "Good timing. You uh, ready to go?" Ryan half smiled and nodded, stepping out beside Seth and closing the door.


	38. Close Calls

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Close Calls**

The boys pulled up to Summer's house just as Julie was pulling out. She rolled down her window and gave a little wave, turning to look behind her as she reversed. Ryan and Seth waved back with no real enthusiasm and Seth put the car in park in front of the long column of concrete stairs. They remained in their seats, belts unbuckled. Seth gave a sigh and took off his sun glasses, pushing up the bottom of the center compartment and throwing them inside. "Come on…" he muttered, finally opening his door and stepping out. Ryan did the same, closing his door and making his way around the car to stand next to Seth. Slowly, but surely, they climbed the stairs to the front door, where they stood awaiting someone to let them in. Summer appeared through the glass after Seth had rung, smile wide and eyes rather bulgy with anticipated excitement. She opened the door and held it open with one hand, pulling Seth in by the arm with the other. "Whoa…what's the hurry?" he said, rushing in after her. Ryan came in quietly behind them, standing in the foyer. "No hurry." Summer said. "Hi Ryan." She lifted a hand and smiled in his direction, still holding Seth's clueless body close to hers. 

Ryan half smiled and waved back at her, replacing his hands in his jean pockets. Summer reached up on her tippy-toes to kiss Seth's cheek. "Why don't you guys go sit in the living room?" she suggested. "Make yourself comfortable…Marissa's in the kitchen making some food. I'm just gonna go help her." She let Seth go and started toward the kitchen, stopped short by Ryan's voice. "Uh…I can help her if you want." he stated, taking a step toward the kitchen. Summer stopped in her tracks and smiled, letting Ryan pass her. "Sure." she said, pointing down the hallway. "She's right through there." Ryan nodded and walked down the hallway, disappearing behind a wall. Summer turned back to Seth in a hurry, giggling quietly and jumping up and down. "What are you so happy about?" Seth asked, looking at her like she was crazy. Summer's jaw dropped. "Don't you see?" she asked, her voice low. "This is a good sign. He wanted to help!" Seth shook his head and chuckled, looking up past Summer's head to the entry of the kitchen. He sighed and looked back at her, hoping she was right. "Yay?" he whispered sarcastically, receiving a slap on the arm and a push into the opposite room.

Ryan tip toed down the hallway and into the kitchen's doorway, peering inside and spotting Marissa facing the wall across from him. She had the microwave running and was busy pouring bags of chips into various plastic bowls. Ryan stood leaning against the white crown molding, observing her undetected. She sighed and scratched her head, folding up the half empty bags and tossing them to the neighboring counter top. He half smiled, taking in every detail that accompanied her actions. She was wearing long skinny jeans and a fitted long sleeved t-shirt, her hair hanging in loose strands down her shoulders. A clip held up the majority of her blonde locks, placed high atop her head. Ryan stood up straight and moved forward again, walking as quietly as possible in hopes of a surprise. She didn't seem to notice, staying in the same position parallel to the rows of cabinets. He stopped behind her, mere inches from her back and instantly wrapped his arms around her waist. She jumped with fright, squealing loudly and turning to see who her attacker had been. Ryan smiled, chuckling and keeping his grip at her hip bones. She closed her eyes and sighed with relief, putting a hand to her racing heart. "Not funny…" she whispered, gaining back her composure.

"Hey." he said, settling into her body. She tilted her head and rested her hands on his forearms. "Hi." She couldn't help but grin, seeing his goofy expression. He was undoubtedly happy with himself for succeeding in his mission to scare her. She looked into his sleepy eyes, reaching up a hand to rest against his cheek. He moved in closer, taking a step toward her. She lifted the other arm to rest on his shoulder, never breaking their heated gaze. He pulled her into a hug, her back leaning against the counter. Burying his face in her neck and hair, he squeezed her tightly against his body. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of his scent, feeling completely content. Ryan pulled away slightly, leaving a single kiss on her shoulder blade. They touched foreheads, Ryan closing his eyes as Marissa had. Her hand remained on his face as he leaned in for a kiss, leaning her back further. She accepted his kiss willingly, but soon broke away, pushing him back. "Ryan…stop." she said, exasperated. "What if they see?" Ryan shook his head, grazing her nose as he did so. "They won't." he mumbled, leaning in again. 

She giggled, still playfully pushing him away but sneaking every kiss she could. Her hand slid to the back of his head, surrendering herself to his kissing power. She held him against her, forgetting Seth and Summer were even in the other room…that is, until Summer's voice echoed through the kitchen. "Hey guys, Seth wants some nachos." she called, swinging her body from the hall and into the room. Ryan and Marissa threw themselves apart, just as Summer turned the corner. Ryan took several steps away from Marissa, crossing his arms and wiping his lips. He leaned against the island and cleared his throat, scratching his head. Marissa staid where Ryan left her, smacking her lips together, eyes bulged with nervous surprise. She relaxed her body, trying to seem as natural as possible. Nobody said anything, only made a triangle of awkwardness. Summer's eyes darted between the two, somewhat sensing their uneasiness. She shook off any thought and went back to the subject at hand.

"So…about those nachos?" she asked. Marissa nodded and exhaled loudly, pointing to the microwave. "Yeah…already on it." she said, her voice cracking quietly. Summer smiled and looked at Ryan, who immediately turned his head to look randomly at another cabinet. "…Thanks." Summer said, looking back at Marissa. "You're the best, Coop." Marissa smiled back and waited impatiently for Summer to leave. After another suspicious glance, Summer turned on her heel and strutted back toward the living room. Marissa dropped her head and stood up from the counter, both she and Ryan sighing loudly. "Oh man." Ryan grumbled, moving back over to Marissa, his eye still on the kitchen entryway. "That was close…" Marissa said, moving toward him also. She took one of his hands and held it gently with a few fingers, keeping her distance. Ryan looked into her eyes again even though she looked away and toward the door. She looked back to meet his gaze. "Maybe we should just…lay low for a little." she suggested. Ryan nodded, knowing she was right but secretly loving their sneaky routine.

Marissa pulled away fully, letting go of his hand and taking a step back. She planted her hands on the island and lifted herself up, plopping down on the marble top. Her legs swung back and forth, heels hitting the wall of the island over and over in a rhythm. He followed her action, lifting himself to make the counter top a new bench. He swung her legs as she did, the two of them becoming a childish pair. "So…" he said softly, trying to continue normal conversation. "So." she repeated. "You look tired." Ryan licked his lips and shrugged. "I'm okay." he assured. Marissa shook her head and leaned in front of him to get a further point across. "Ryan, I don't want this whole dream thing to freak you out to the point of not sleeping." Her tone was soft, full of concern, but strong enough to make him understand. Even though the issue remained in the back of her head, she didn't want to keep worrying Ryan over nothing. It _was _nothing, right? Just a dream. Something made up in the mind. Of course it was. Of course. "Marissa, I'm fine." he said. "I slept, okay?" His voice grew louder, frustration taking over. "Okay…" Marissa said in defeat. "And no dream?" Ryan shook his head and looked her in the eye. "No dream…I promise." Marissa smiled and nodded, touching his hand and continuing to kick her feet.

The microwave beeped its noisy finish, causing her to end their playful footsy. She slid down from the counter and walked around to the microwave, pulling open the door and filling the kitchen with a cheesy aroma. She pulled on an oven mitt and reached inside, revealing a steaming bowl of melted cheddar. Setting it down on a random dish towel, she reached for an open cupboard, retrieving a small serving bowl which she scooped the melted cheese. "Boys and their nachos." she sighed, causing Ryan to smile. He got down from the island as well, walking to her as assistance. She tossed the oven mitt away and handed him bowls of popcorn chicken and chips. He balanced them as best he could, while she handled the plates, silverware and melted cheese. "Ready?" she asked, helping him secure the load. "Yup." he muttered, crossing the kitchen and making his way into the living room.

Seth and Summer lay sprawled out on the sofa, Summer nestled until Seth's lanky arm. They were enthralled with the latest episode of the Valley, all four of their eyes glued to the big screen. "Fooood." Marissa chanted, walking ahead of Ryan and setting down plate after plate among the coffee table. Seth sat up in a hurry, making Summer literally eat cushion. She sat up too, hitting Seth's arm for making her fall. Seth grabbed for the nacho cheese, burning his finger but licking away the cheddar residue from his reddening skin. Ryan pulled the coffee table closer to the couch, giving Seth and Summer a comfortable eating seat, as well as the perfect view of the TV. He grabbed two large cushions from the opposite couch, setting them down on the floor for Marissa and for himself. The four crowded around the table, feasting on all food groups of junk. They laughed and talked…Summer filling Ryan and Marissa in on the latest Valley scandals. After the episode ended and they made a dent in the food, Seth and Summer sat back, breathing heavily and beginning the digestion process. "That was good." Summer said. Seth put a lazy arm around her shoulder. "Yeah…thanks Marissa." he agreed. Marissa polished off her last piece of chicken and wiped her hands with shredded napkin. "No problem." she said.

They sat for a few silent seconds, surveying the mess they had made of the table and room. "Now what?" Ryan asked, breaking the silence. Marissa got to her feet and brushed crumbs off her shirt and lap. "I guess we should clean up." she said, picking up her plate and stacking the bowls on top. "Leave it, Coop." Summer said. "You've done enough already…we'll just do it later." Marissa nodded and let go of the dirty dishes, plopping back down on her cushion. "I kinda feel like swimming." Seth stated. "Let's go to the beach." Ryan rubbed his full stomach and winced at the thought of swimming…or even moving without digestion. "I'm game." Marissa said, looking between Seth and Summer and finally at Ryan. He put on a smile, reluctantly agreeing to make her happy. "Okay." Ryan mumbled. Summer patted Seth's thigh and sat up, pushing the table away so she could get through. "Great!" she exclaimed with excitement. "Let's go to the beach." Marissa got up with Summer and walked with her upstairs. They both retired to their rooms to change into their bathing suits and apply ounce after ounce of tanning lotion. Ryan ran out to the car to grab the stuff he and Seth brought. Waiting for the girls, they took turns in the downstairs bathroom, slipping on their bathing suit shorts.

"Girls, come on." Seth yelled up the stairs. "You've been up there forever." Summer appeared at the top of the stairs, towel thrown over the shoulder and face almost completely covered with large black sunglasses. "Shut it, Cohen." she said, making her way down to them. Marissa walked behind her, her sunglasses above her forehead, holding back her hair. Summer stopped at the bottom, letting Marissa pass her. Ryan opened the door and let her walk out, following her onto the outside stoop. Seth and Summer were left alone in the foyer, moving closer together and peering outside. "Is everything set up?" Summer asked in a whisper. Seth gave her a wink and put a hand on her back, urging her to go out with them.

"Everything's a go."


	39. Friends Football and Flirting

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Friends, Football, and Flirting**

Marissa lay face down on the beach, her right cheek burning against the course feeling of the sand. Her eyes squinted shut through the sunlight, a sense of sleepiness coming over her as the sun beat with its afternoon high. She opened one eye and peered to the left, seeing Summer lying next to her in the exact same position. They looked at each other, saying nothing, only enjoying the sport they called tanning. "I think it's time to flip, Coop." Summer said, moving to her side and then onto her back. "We don't want to fry." She closed her eyes and put a hand over her face, shading her sensitive retinas. She patted the sand next to her, feeling for her sunglasses. Marissa flipped onto her back and sat up on her elbows, looking toward the water where the boys were tossing a football around. She witnessed Ryan dive for a pass and completely wipe out, smiling and shaking her head as he goofily resurfaced. She watched his every move, secretly admiring him as he splashed about the water. His skin glistened in the sunlight, beads of water shaking off his bare arms and stomach. He smiled and chuckled as Seth's lanky body was thrown into a wave.

Summer shifted on her towel, sitting up on her elbows like Marissa. She looked toward the boys and groaned, seeing her not so muscled boyfriend stand vulnerably next to Ryan. His dark curls sagged with the weight of ocean water and he banged his head to one side, removing the water that sloshed in his ear. Ryan's body sparkled next to Seth's, chiseled like a Greek God. Seth was just…not. "Remind me why I love Cohen…" Summer said, tilting her head in Marissa's direction. Marissa chuckled and raised her eyebrows. She couldn't think of any reason at the moment, seeing him completely spaz with football in hand. "Uh…" she attempted. "Because _he_ loves you." Summer relieved the tension on her shoulders, "Oh yeah." She smiled, blowing Seth a kiss as he looked back at her. He gave a wave and was sucked back down into another swell. Ryan fought with the water and brought Seth back up, coughing and shaking his head out some more. "Boys…" Marissa sighed. Summer lay back down on her towel. "Boys." she repeated.

The two of them lay there, vulnerable to the beating sun in their diminutive bikinis. Marissa let her face drift to the left, allowing the other side of her face to get some color. She looked away from Summer, observing all the other people, other girls lying on their towels watching their respected boyfriends surf or goof around. Nothing special. Orange Country routine nonetheless. She looked through tanned faces- blonde, tall, and thin as usual. Something caught her eye as she glared through the crowds. She sat up again, squinting her eyes to see better with the distance. Leaning against a wall of the snack stand, cigarette between his fingers, stood Kevin Volchok. He stared at her, eyes sullen and dark, his lips curling into an eerie half smile as he caught her eye. People passed the small wooden shack, stepping from the beach and onto the pier, acting as a human partition between them. She leaned her head up, trying to see him fully as his image flickered between bodies. He was looking back and forth between her and the water, his smoking cigarette butt between his parted lips.

She followed his gaze to Ryan, who was still splashing around with Seth. She nervously looked at him, wondering why Kevin was looking at the two of them that way. Letting her eyes leave the water, she turned back to where Volchok leaned, seeing the wall occupied by another male. Marissa got to her feet, brushing the sand from her bare thighs. She looked across the pier, searching for him through all the beach-goers. It was like he vanished…disappeared without the slightest trace. She looked back to the snack stand, seeing the embers of his cigarette dying away amongst the sand next to people's feet. "Coop, what's up?" Summer called from below. Marissa took a step back, her heels finding the towel again. "Nothing…" she mumbled, still looking around the pier. She dropped to the ground, folding her legs Indian style and facing the ocean once again. "What were you looking at?" Summer wondered. Marissa shook her head and turned to her friend. "Nothing, really." she said. "I just thought I saw some one." Summer shrugged it off, putting her hand to her face. She scrunched all her features, picking up her body so her hair fanned across her shoulders. "I'm burning up." she stated. "Let's go attack the boys." Marissa smiled and got to her feet again, pulling out the loose hair tie from her fiery blonde locks. She shook out her hair, letting it curl and bounce amongst her upper arms.

"Come on." Summer said, making her way over to Seth. She stopped where the sand met the water, sticking her toes in to test the coldness. Seth turned to see her and Marissa and quickly gave a look at Ryan. In an instant, the two of them dove for the girls, scooping them up and wading into the tide. Ryan threw Marissa limply over his shoulder, holding her on one arm with ease despite her squeals and kicks. Seth held Summer tightly, almost baby-like, in both arms, struggling with her weight as they got deeper. Again, the boys looked at each other and let the girls drop at the same time plugging their noses. Seth and Ryan high-fived as they saw them disappear in the dark teal ocean, chuckling to themselves with pride as they heard the muffled gurgle of screams. Marissa popped up first, her hair now dripping and messy, fanned across her face. Her jaw lay open as she gasped for air and pushed the hair out of her face. Summer resurfaced a second later, looking the same only with an angry grimace. "So not cool!" Marissa screeched, getting her footing as the waves crashed against her knees. Summer marched up to Seth and his him hard in the chest. "Cohen, that wasn't funny!" she yelled.

"I thought it was pretty good…" Ryan muttered, shrugging his shoulders and patting him on the back. "Me too." Seth agreed. Summer frowned and bent to put a hand in the water, rushed it back up to spray Seth in the face. He shut his eyes and wiggled his head, shaking off the salt water and splashing his girlfriend twice as hard. Marissa joined in, taking a double palm and soaking Ryan. He shook off the water too, widening his eyes and looking mischievously at her. He slowly crept toward her as she gasped and tried to swim away from him, only to big dragged under. Seth and Summer stopped their splashing, quietly observing Ryan and Marissa playfully and flirtatiously dunk each other back and forth a little further out. Summer stuck her bottom lip out, seeing it as a complete "aw moment". They got lost in their own little world, forgetting about Seth and Summer and all the other people that swam around them. A few dunks later, they floated around each other, looking silently into each other's dripping eyes. Ryan cleared his throat and broke their gaze, kicking his feet to move closer to the shore. "Uh…we should go back." he said, waiting for her to follow. "Yeah." she said, clearly disappointed  
that their moment was broken due to their hidden romance.

They returned to the shallowness, where Seth and Summer stood smiling. Ryan held the side hems of his bathing suit, holding it up as water drained from the material. Marissa adjusted her bikini top and pulled her wet hair to one side, ringing it out and standing next to Ryan. "Alright, no more swimming for me." Marissa said, pulling a small piece of sea weed out of her hair. She scowled at the green plant and dropped it back into the water, snaking her fingers into the remaining knots. "Yeah, I think we're all a little over the beach." Summer said, taking Seth's hand and pulling him toward the beach. Seth bent down to the side, grabbing his floating football before it got lost at sea. Ryan gave Marissa a quick half smile as he walked behind Seth, urging her to follow. They encircled their towels and clothes, letting the sun dry them off. Marissa pulled her hair back in a wet and messy bun, pulling a tank top over her bathing suit. The boys just pulled t-shirts on, leaving on their bathing suit shorts on to dry. Summer packed up all their stuff, folding up their towels and making Seth and Ryan carry their beach chairs. Seth unlocked the Range Rover, tossing everything inside and shutting the trunk once again, clutching something behind his back.

"Now what?" Ryan asked, running a hand over his hair and leaning against the back of the car. "Now…we kind of have a surprise", Seth said, pulling two long pieces of black cloth out from behind. Marissa's eyes fell to Seth's hand. "Blindfolds?" Summer nodded and took one from Seth, turning Marissa around and placing it against her eyes. Seth did the same to Ryan, letting it rest above his ears and tie tightly around his wet head. "What's this about, you guys?" Marissa asked nervously, swatting at the surrounding air. Summer finished tying on her blindfold and turned her back around, rubbing Marissa's arm comfortingly. "Coop, just trust us on this." Seth and Summer smiled to each other before pulling Ryan and Marissa along. Summer held Marissa's hands, leading her across the beach's parking lot. Seth stood behind Ryan, his hands on his shoulders, pushing him forward to walk behind Summer. They heard voices all around them, telling them that they had to be somewhere on the pier or close to it at least. After a few minutes, Seth and Summer stopped, untying Ryan's blindfold and letting it fall. Seth stood before him, putting a finger to his own lips as a signal to be quiet. Ryan looked around him, seeing where they were and smiling at Seth in a thankful relief.

"Guys, what's going on?" Marissa said, feeling for something around her again. She patted Summer's face, causing Summer to squeal with a giggle. "Everything's fine." Summer reassured. Ryan shook his head, questioning what all this was for. Seth put a hand on his shoulder and smacked a small gold key into Ryan's palm, giving him a wink and a head tilt in Marissa's direction. "It's yours for the night…" he whispered. "You're already covered with my parents, so enjoy yourself." He took a step back, touching Summer's waist and pushing her in the direction of the car. "Good luck, man." he said, turning away. Summer gave a small wave and winked at Ryan, wrapping her arm around Seth's waist and strolling happily away from the awaiting secret couple. Ryan clenched the key in his hand and looked around him again, turning toward the clueless Marissa who still stood blindfolded. He smiled, reaching to the back of her head to untie hers as well. She shook off the black material, pulling it off her neck as it dangled with the breeze. She squinted and blinked, seeing Ryan first before anything else. Her eyes darted around him, trying to figure out where they were. Her eyes widened as it sunk in.

"They brought us to the Mermaid?"


	40. I'll Wait Until Tomorrow

**Chapter Forty: I'll Wait Until Tomorrow. Maybe You'll Feel Better Then…**

The two of them stood on the side walkway of the Mermaid Inn, segregated from the surrounding pier visitors. The wind blew Marissa's hair, naturally drying it as they stood in front of door twenty-six. Ryan clutched the key tightly in his hand, his back facing the wall. Seth and Summer walked only feet away, leaving the two of them alone in quiet solitude. He had untied her blindfold, revealing their location to her at last. She looked passed his face, wide-eyed and curious. Around them hung the branches of assorted palm trees, decoratively encircling the corner of the building. The crashing waves were muffled with the distance, but still acted as a constant music. Marissa looked up at the overhead balcony, noticing the bright turquoise paint that focused her eyes. She looked back at Ryan, who stood inches away from her, curling her lips into a warm smile. 

"They brought us to the Mermaid?"

Ryan turned away from her, positioning the key between his thumb and pointer finger's knuckle. He shoved the bronze into the door's lock and pushed it open, revealing the contents of the room. He let the door hit the opposite wall and turned back to her, holding out his hand. He led her inside and shut the door, blocking out their light source. In the darkness of the room, he patted the wall in search of a switch, finding one near the window and flicking it on. The lamps revealed a large space, a queen-sized bed against the far wall, juxtapositioned between two wooden night stands. It was beach themed, naturally, and fully equipped with vanilla scented candles and white sea shells. The satin curtains were drawn over the window to their left, giving them privacy and a type of romantic solitude away from everything else. The hustle and bustle of the outside pier wouldn't bother them in such a place. Ryan still clutched her hand, setting his other down on the marble table top set next to the curtain covered glass.

"Wow." Marissa muttered in a happy astonishment. "This is really nice." Ryan nodded, releasing his grip on her hand so he could look around. "Yeah…nice bathroom too." he said, peering into the small space on the other side of the bed. "I guess Seth and Summer went all out, huh?" He walked back to her, standing parallel to her body as they looked nervously into each other's eyes. She playfully beamed at him, reaching up to touch his hands as if playing patty cake. She touched his fingers gently and ran her thumb up and down his rough skin. He stared at her face as she did so, expressionless and blank in her action. She dropped his hand and replaced hers on his arms, sliding up to his neck at rest. Ryan planted his palms on her hip bones, pulling her in by the waist so they were vertically pancaked together. He pushed his forehead against hers gently, keeping his eyes open as slits so he could see only her facial features. "So…" he mumbled, nuzzling her cheek affectionately. "What to do, what to do?" He smiled goofily, lifting his head so they could look at each other. Marissa glanced down at the bed, her hands still resting on his forearms. "I love how Seth and Summer basically told us to get a room." she joked. "…Like it would somehow get us together in one night."

Ryan chuckled and nodded, his mouth widening as he exhaled a loud yawn. He shrugged and sighed it away, rubbing a hand up and down the small of her back. "Well, it could…" he said, peering down at the bed and then back at her, raising his eyebrows up and down. She raised hers as well, her jaw dropping at his forwardness. "You wish." she said, pushing him down on the bed by the shoulders. He grinned and bounced on his back, bending his arm so he could rest his head on his sleeve-covered forearm. He tilted his head upward, awaiting her body to press against his, but Marissa remained standing ahead of him. She tugged at her natty, ocean soaked locks, grimacing as her fingers tangled in knots. "Come lay with me…" Ryan grumbled, patting his free hand on the comforter beside him. Marissa scrunched her nose and looked around the room, her eyes falling on the bathroom door. "I think I'm gonna take a quick shower." she told him, shedding her flip flops and tossing them under the table. Ryan hung his head, letting it drop back down on the bed so he could stare at the ceiling. He couldn't help but show his disappointment. "I'll be out in a minute." she informed, bending to plant one on his cheek before strolling to the bathroom and shutting the door.

Ryan lay there quietly listening to the water flow behind the door amongst Marissa's faint humming. He lifted a cheek in a smile, listening to her jam to the latest Dashboard. His eyes grew heavy as he yawned again, the ceiling disappearing from view. His eyes shut, Marissa's hums becoming his lullaby. His breathing slowed and his chest rose and fell in serenity, a sleepy euphoria taking over. He hadn't slept in over a day, and their little beach gathering had worn him down to nothing. He drifted in relaxation, half asleep but still conscious of Marissa's presence. A loud thud came from the bathroom, causing Ryan to jump and open his eyes, looking toward the door. Through the wall, he heard Marissa's grumbles, assuming she dropped the motel's provided shampoo bottle. He rested back against the bed once more, resuming he eyes to rest on the off-white ceiling above him. Again his eyes fell shut, his heart beat slowing from its high of the thud's surprise. He was awake one moment, and then was unconsciously shaken when Marissa plopped down on the bed, dressed and with one of the hotel's white towels wrapped around her hair. Ryan stirred and opened his eyes, seeing her looking down at him. She tilted her head and gave him a smile, palming the towel and rubbing it against her hair. He pulled himself up to rest on his elbows, his legs still dangling off the bed, toes touching the carpet. "How was your shower?" he asked sleepily. She nodded, still drying. "Good. I feel better." she said. "Tired?"

Ryan shrugged and nodded too, running a finger across his eyelid. "A little…" he said with a sniff. "Couldn't sleep last night." Marissa believed his lie and exhaled loudly, setting the towel down on her lap. She looked down at the flowered comforter beneath her, mindlessly staring at nothing important. Ryan pulled himself completely onto the bed, laying back to rest against the pillows. He opened his mouth and groaned as another yawn came on. Exhaling it outward, he resumed their conversation. "Have fun today?" Marissa dropped the towel onto the floor, getting atop the bed on all fours and crawling over to Ryan. "I did." she said, planting both hands on each side of Ryan to hover above him. She let her elbows bend, gently letting herself fit into him, resting the side of her face on his chest. He let his fingers run through her wet hair, softly running his other thumb across her forearm. "Good." he muttered. "But I have something that sounds a little more fun…" He pushed her off him, letting her rest sideways on the mattress. He moved to his side as well, so they lay face to face on each set of pillows. Reaching an arm over, he pulled her close by the waist so they lay stomach to stomach, forehead to forehead, and finally lips to lips. He kissed her almost roughly, getting into the fact that they could stay there and do anything they wanted without any interruption. 

She put a hand to his cheek, guiding his face as he leaned her backward. His hands gripped her sides, letting a few fingers slip under the cotton of her shirt. Ryan rubbed the skin of her back, working her lips completely and pushing her back enough so he could lie on top. He broke away, his eyes still closed and forehead still touching hers. He gripped her t-shirt and slowly pulled it upward, exposing her tanned abdomen. Lifting his head, his eyes fell on her stomach which he lent down to kiss. He pecked at her belly, then got up on his knees to remove her shirt completely. She moved to lean on her elbows, and put her hands on his wrists, pushing them down so her shirt went with them. Ryan shook his head and looked perplexed. "What? What's wrong?" She glanced to the side, and fell back against the pillows, moving her hand to play with the cuff of his sleeve. "I just…I can see how tired you are." she said, her voice quiet. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head again, letting his tongue slide across his lips. "I'm fine." he stated. "Don't worry about me." She looked into his sleepy blue eyes and pursed her lips a little tighter. "I'm kinda tired too…" she said, cracking a smile and stifling a laugh. Ryan smiled with her and fell to the other side of the bed.

"So let me get this straight…" he started. "Our friends set us up in a nice hotel room…we're all alone, nothing to do…and you want to sleep?" He looked at her with an almost hurt look, as she turned to face him on her side again. "Kind of." she admitted. She saw his disappointed expression and moved closer, trying to coax him and make him feel better. "I want to. I really do…" she said. "I just think it'll be better for both of us if it happens when we're both completely up for it." Ryan sighed but nodded, lying against her on the bed. She tilted her head and kissed him once more, before she rested on the opposite set of pillows. "Besides…" she started with a smile. "We wouldn't you falling asleep in the middle of it." Ryan grunted and shook his head. "I don't think that's even possible…" he said, digging his face further into the pillow. Marissa folded her hair to the back, letting it fan across the pillow in a wet mess. She looked into Ryan's eyes, seeing him watch her intently. "I'm sorry." she whispered, touching his arm. He half smiled and held her body against his, moving to kiss her forehead tenderly. "Don't be sorry." he said. "Just know that you'll owe me that much more when the time comes…" She nodded and snuggled into him, closing her eyes and giving a comfortable sigh. "I do…"

He closed his eyes and buried his face into the top of her head. He didn't care that his face was coated with wetness, only lied smelling the sweet scent of shampoo. Ryan relaxed and drifted again…feeling Marissa's chest steady in a constant breathing pattern. He held her tightly, his whole body engulfing her and protecting her from nothing. For a moment in his sleep all he saw was darkness, but then an image of Marissa appeared within the shady background. The image looked familiar, all psychological senses returning. The distinct smell and sound…and the same face he had seen before.

Ryan stared at her, standing silently opposite each other. She stood before him, surrounded by an intense glow of white light. Her lips curled at the sides, smirking at him as they stared silently at each other. She lifted her arm and pointed beyond his shoulder, so he turned to see what she was looking at so intently. Again, he saw the two of them in the middle of the road, flames spewing from the distance. Ryan's eyes fell on her motionless body and then back at himself who sat holding her tightly. Muffled sobs were heard through the crackling fire. "No…" he mumbled observing the scene. He turned in a panic back to Marissa who stood closer to him now. "We can't let it happen, Ryan." she said, shaking her head. "You have to save me. You have to." He turned to the street again, but saw only himself. He stood facing them, a tear streaked puss and soaked red leg where her head had rested. He looked around, searching for the other Marissa, but seeing only himself staring back in a daze. Ryan let his eyes find her behind him, now standing in the same clothes he had seen her wore in the street, blood streaking down the side of her face. "Only you..." she whispered. "Only you can save me, Ryan." And then she was gone…lost among the smoky darkness.


	41. Living in the Shadows

**Chapter Forty-One: Living in the Shadows**

The television boomed adventurous music through the surround sound in the living room. "Down here, it's our time! It's our time down here!" Seth beamed as the words came through the speakers. "This is like a dream, Summer." he stated. "The Goonies – high def – surround sound…somebody pinch me." Summer's head rested on his shoulder, her feet bent upward to relax lazily on the coffee table. She let go of his hand, reaching for his stomach which she pinched between her fingers. "Ow!" Seth whined, pushing her away. "I didn't mean literally!" He gave her a sad face and rubbed his stomach, looking back to the TV. Summer giggled at him but grunted with annoyance when his attention went back to the movie. "Cohen, come on." she complained. "We've watched this movie together a hundred times." Seth shooed her away and held the remote, intently listening to the dialogue like it was his first time hearing it. Summer huffed and sat back, peering aimlessly around the living room. "I wonder how Ryan and Marissa are doing…" she said, pushing her bangs away from her eyes. Seth nodded, not really listening to her words. "They're probably having breakfast in bed." she continued. "…Or maybe taking a walk in the sand." She smiled and sighed, entwining her fingers together. "So romantic….I hope it worked." She glanced at Seth who was now mouthing the words to the movie, clenching his fist and scrunching his face up with serious Goonie enthusiasm. Summer angrily lunged for the remote, whipping it out of his hand and clicking the television off. "What was that for!?" Seth yelled, trying to get the remote back. "I'm trying to talk to you…" Summer said. "We can just watch it later." Seth sighed, sat back and pouted, crossing his arms like a frustrated child. "Fine." he huffed.

"I don't know…they're probably still sleeping." Seth said, getting into conversation with the new lack of Goonie fun. Summer glanced at the clock on the cable box of the television, scrunching her nose into a doubtful expression. "You think?" she asked, looking back at Seth. "It's almost 11:00. Coop's usually up pretty early." Seth shrugged and took one of Summer's tiny hands into his own. "Ryan is too." he said, patting her fingers. "But who knows…they're probably tired out from a raunchy night of love-making." Summer rolled her eyes and back handed Seth's arm, letting go of his hand as she leaned back into the couch. Seth grinned widely at his dirty sarcasm, leaning into Summer with a toothy dimpled face. Summer leaned away and tried giving him her best angry eyes, only to ruin it completely when Seth tickled her side. She shrieked as his fingers poked and jabbed, laughing loudly and falling to the end of the couch so she lied on her back. Seth got on all fours and continued to tickle her, mockingly giggling an octave or two higher than usual. "Cohen, stop!" she yelled, turning her face to discourage his puckered lips moving toward her. Finally managing a good grip on both his hands, she pulled them higher, pushing his upper buddy further into the air. Seth looked down at her, half smile still on his face until she made her next move. Summer bent up a leg and kneed him in the junk, naturally causing him to flinch and tumble backward onto the other cushion in pain. Summer jumped up from the couch and shouted in victory, jogging away down the hall in spurts of laughter. Seth picked himself up on one arm and stood up, catching his breath from the blow and slowly moving in her direction. "Oh, you are so paying for that one…" he called, limping away further down the hall.

Marissa stirred awake, sunlight streaming through the little openings of the blinds. She clutched a pillow between her arms, which she tossed above her, pulling herself up to rest on her hands. Ryan's position on the bed was empty, the sheet left wrinkled and cold. Marissa furrowed her eyebrows and rubbed her eyelids, discarding the bits of sleep left in the sockets. "Ryan?" she called, waiting to see if he was still there or had gone to get breakfast. A loud rumble of glass came from the bathroom, making Marissa quickly glance in the door's direction. She pulled the covers off herself and threw them to one side, slipping off the bed to walk to the bathroom. Stopping in front of the door, she pressed her ear to the painted wood, listening intently for further movement inside. She reached up a fist, knocking quietly and waiting for his response. "Ryan?" she called again. He stood over the counter, palms planted on either side of the sink. Looking down, he took in shallow breaths and wiped the line of sweat from his brow. Her muffled calls for him got his attention, making him nervously knock over the soap dish. He fumbled to put it back in place as she knocked at the door. "Ryan?" she called. He looked up at himself in the mirror, thinking of something to say. She couldn't see him like this and know nothing was wrong. "Uh…yeah, yeah I'm in here." he replied, his voice low and shaky. Marissa paused, hearing his distant quivers of speech. "Are you okay?" she asked, sensing his unusualness. Ryan stood up straight, releasing his grip on the counter and turning to face the door. "Yeah, I-I'm fine." he assured. "I uh, I was just gonna get in the shower." Marissa put her hand to the door knob, contemplating whether or not she should be worried about him. "Okay well…I guess I'll go get some breakfast then." she said, releasing the knob and stepping back from the door.

Ryan relaxed a little, knowing now that he could sit and think on his own. What the f$#? Why does this keep happening? He goes to sleep perfectly fine and then wakes in a cold sweat with a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. Every time he closed his eyes this nightmare intensified. What was it supposed to mean? "Only you can save me, Ryan." Those words echoed in his eardrums, supremely real even in dream. He closed his eyes and bent to the sink again, trying to breathe and calm himself. He turned on the faucet, reaching a finger underneath the running water until it was the coldest it could get. Ducking lower, he shoved his head in the space between the white marble and faucet, making the icy water run over his hair and slightly down his back. He groaned at the feeling but was strangely comforted. Ryan patted the sink and found the cold water dial, turning it off and shaking the water off his head. He stood up straight again and pulled off his t-shirt, letting it fall to the ground at his feet. He turned and slid open the shower door, letting the water flow and fill the room with steam.

Marissa heard the shower go on as she slipped on her tank top. She sat on the bed and pulled on a pair of blue jeans, standing again so she could button them at the waist. A strange discomfort stopped her, making her twist to look at the pain in her side. She walked to the opposite end of the room and turned in front of the full body mirror, slightly lifting her shirt up. In doing so, she revealed a series of bruises along the back of her rib cage. "What the…" she whispered, running her finger tips over her skin. The bruises made a type of pattern, looking like fingers had dug into the flesh. She rubbed against the tender skin again and finally let her shirt fall back in place. Marissa shook her head, confusion obviously encompassing all other thought. She couldn't think of why or when somebody would make such a mark. She assumed she had just slept on her hand wrong or something. Buttoning her jeans, she walked to the table next to the door, retrieving her flip flops and sliding them on. On the chair next to the window rested her sunglasses and wallet, which she shoved into the bag that lay beside her. She opened the door to the outside, letting in fresh air and feeling the early sun's warmth against her face. Marissa stepped out onto the sidewalk, shutting the door and beginning to make her way to the pier for food.

Ryan stood under the showerhead, his eyes closed and body limp and motionless. The hot water relaxed the tension in his muscles, and gave him a clear enough mind to think about things. He let the water dribble down his chest and land in puddles at his toes, feeling the warm sensations on his skin. He opened his eyes and blinked away the streaming water, turning around in the shower to face the opposite wall. What was happening to him? Whatever it was…it was certainly not welcomed or normal in his being. What if his dreams were to come true? He had to stop it? But how the hell could he? All he saw was the accident itself. No further clue how it happened or even where. Was it even an accident? This was so stupid. It was only a dream. He tried so hard to make himself believe that. Believe that it wasn't real and just some stupid fear stuck in the back of his mind. He'd worried about her ever since he met the girl. Maybe all his fear and angst formed this kind of awful thought. Maybe it was just his conscience telling him this was his last shot…one last chance to protect her and be sure they stayed together. One last chance once and for all? He didn't know. All he knew was that he had to be there to keep her safe. Just in case. Ryan shut off the water and slid the door open again, releasing the clouds of mist and steam into the rest of the room. He breathed in deeply, filling his lungs with the moist and cooler air. Standing in front of the door, he dried himself rubbed a hand on his hair, flattening it downward toward his forehead. He clutched the door knob; a towel tied at his waist, and opened the bathroom door. She wasn't there to greet him like he had previously expected, inviting him to drop the towel and dry himself in peace. He dressed and sat, running his fingers through his hair to make it look somewhat presentable. At the edge of the bed, he slid on his socks and rubbed his toes on the carpet, aimlessly waiting for Marissa's return. Why wasn't she back yet? Did it really take that long to order pancakes to go?

Marissa strolled up the wooden path of the pier, clutching her purse close to her shoulder and squinting through the morning's sun. She walked through the groups of people, dodging on her way and gliding passed the surf shop. His eyes squared on her moving body, oblivious to his presence and the devious glare of his smoky baby blues. He immediately stood from his leaning post, flicking his cigarette to the ground and making his way against the wall, following her path. He hid himself amongst the people, standing on his tippy toes every so often so he wouldn't lose her. She finally made her way into the diner, holding the door open so another couple could go in before her. They smiled a thank you and she followed behind, entering the restaurant during the breakfast hustle and bustle. Almost all the booths were filled, waitresses power walking back and forth from the kitchen carrying plates of steaming omelets. She stood, waiting for the opportune moment to flag someone down. A waitress walked by her, a pen atop the cartilage of her ear, scribbled orders crossed out on her pad of paper. "Um…excuse me…" Marissa said, holding out her arm. The waitress stopped in her tracks and looked at Marissa, grunting in question. Marissa gave a smile and replaced her hands in her pockets. "Hi, um…Can I have an order to go?" she asked, trying to sound as sweet as possible so she'd hurry. The waitress sighed and gave Marissa a one minute hand signal, leaving her in the aisle while she tended to another table. Marissa looked down and crossed her arms, feeling awkward in the middle of everything. A group passed her, leaving a booth empty for cleaning. Seeing the waitress still occupied with a group of boys, Marissa slid into the cushioning to sit and wait for service. Her eyes darted back and forth between the various customers, blending into their conversations seemingly unnoticed. Taking a deep breath, her eyes moved toward the large windows of the building, seeing him glaring at her in the middle of the pier. Her eyes widened and she squinted to see him, passing bodies again separating their eyes from each other. 

Looking at the waitress, Marissa slid out of the booth and swung her bag onto her shoulder, gulping loudly as she made her way to the door. They're eyes locked again as she swung open the diner door, ringing the bell at the top. She was stopped as people passed, but continued to make her way around to the other side. This had to stop. What did he want? Reaching her destination, she again saw no trace of him. Marissa turned in circles, looking through the crowds. Was this some kind of game? Obviously he didn't want to talk to her. Every time she's approach he'd back into a corner or disappear into the crowd. What was his plan? Marissa sighed in frustration and anger, smacking her thigh with the palm of her right hand. She made her way back to the diner, opening the door and stepping inside. Just in case, she looked back to the window wondering if he was there again, the mischievous and phantom grin staring back at her. In the process, she bumped into somebody, tumbling backward a step. "Oh, sorry." she said, regaining composure. The waitress stared back at her. "Sorry for the wait…" she said. "What can I get you?" Marissa gave in her order – two pancake breakfasts, extra syrup on the side to soak the fluffiness. When her order was up, Marissa took the paper bag and made her way back outside. She walked toward the Mermaid, perfectly blue and surrounded by shrubs in the distance. She looked down at the ground, feeling uncomfortable like he was watching her even now. 

Volchok stood in the corner alley between the surf shop and drug store, a freshly lit cigarette smoking between his teeth. He crossed his arms, muscles flexing in the denim vest across his biceps. He watched her pass, merely feet away, ducking back against the wall until he saw the back of her. She hurried across the sidewalks, clutching her take out bag in a tight fist. He held his cigarette between his fingers, blowing out the remaining smoke into the breeze. Stepping out completely so he stood against the grain of people, he slid his hands inside his pockets, smiling eerily to himself as she stopped in front of the inn, opening the door to a room and closing it behind her.


	42. Keeper of the Secret

**Chapter Forty-Two: Keeper of the Secret**

Marissa walked down the sidewalk, her uneasy feeling somewhat escaping her as she entered the Inn's grounds. She reached the door to her and Ryan's room and turned the knob, pushing it open to reveal him sitting on the bed. She took a step inside and shut the door, setting the take out bag on the table next to the window. "Hey…" she greeted with a smile, letting her purse slide down her arm and rest on one of the chairs. He stood up from the bed and slipped his hands into his pockets, repeating her greeting and taking a deep breath. "I got some pancakes." she stated, reaching for the bag and sliding two styrofoam carriers out onto the tabletop. "Sorry it took so long…there were a lot of people." He watched her set up little place settings with the supplied plastic forks and knives, half smiling to himself at her insignificant need to explain.

He walked over to her and fiddled with the fork next to his plate, looking up at her again. She folded the empty paper bag and set it off to the side, pulling out a chair so she could sit. Ryan stood where he was, a hand resting on the head of his chair. She sensed his glares and met his staring eyes, furrowing her eyebrows with a questioning confusion. "What?" she asked, nervously grinning. Ryan shook his head and pulled his chair out as well. "Nothing." he said, plopping down on the cushion. She sat down and still looked at him peculiarly, lifting the top of her styrofoam case and sticking a plastic fork into the stack of pancakes. Ryan reached for the small packets of maple syrup, tossing her a few before he ripped open the cap of one and poured it on his meal.

"How was your shower?" she asked, following his action and dunking her pancakes with syrup. He nodded and shrugged, silently telling her that it was the same old, same old. Both of them sat and ate, thinking to themselves in secrecy. He had pushed his dream as far back as he could, thankful to just be sitting and staring at her. She poked at her pancakes, shuffling them across her setting. Maybe this was just her mind playing tricks. There's no way someone can move that fast out of sight unless they're Clark Kent. Even only around the small circular table, they seemed miles away, lost in their own little secrets and thoughts. They stared off into space, only looking down every so often to stab another piece of food. Ryan let his eyes fall on Marissa, who chewed slowly and looked uncertainly toward the bed. She curled her lips together, letting her tongue slide across the bottom, leaving a layer of moisture. She sighed to herself and bit her bottom lip, sensing Ryan's eyes and moving to stare at him again. She was taken aback by the fact that he was already looking at her, but then felt at ease when he half smiled, his eyes soft and bright, face noticeably sticky from the syrup.

She couldn't help back smile in his goofiness, setting her fork down and leaning back against her seat. They shared a light moment, smiling at each other for reasons unknown. Ryan let out a quiet chuckle and looked down again, using his legs to pull his chair closer to the table. "So uh…you want to check out after breakfast?" he asked, reaching for a napkin to dap his mouth. Marissa stayed silent but nodded and shrugged. "I mean we could stay if you want…" he continued. "I just figured we could make more of the day…outside." She nodded and closed the top of her food container, pushing it away toward the center of the table. He took one last bit and did the same, reaching for hers and stacking them atop each other. She handed him the brown paper bag, which he unfolded and shoved the styrofoam into. Marissa stood up from her seat and pulled her shirt down, pushing her chair back in and moving over to the bed. He shifted in his seat, turning to look at her. "I'll go to the main desk and check us out." she sated, grabbing the room key to return to the receptionist. "Why don't you just get our stuff together?" He stood up after her, remaining by the table as she moved toward the door. He reached for her suddenly, stopping her as she clutched the doorknob. "Wait…" he mumbled pulling her back.

He held her hand and pulled her close to him, resting a thumb on the bridge of her chin to lead her face in for a kiss. The breathed gently together, lips touching softly in a sweet romantic moment. He pulled back, releasing her and opening his eyes. Hers remained closed for only a moment, eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise. "So I was thinking…" he started. "Maybe tonight we could actually go on a real date?" He paused and awaited her hopeful grin. "No more of this hotel stuff." he continued, looking over his shoulder at the rest of the room. She cracked a smile and looked around with him, resting her hands on his forearms. "This kind of environment is obviously not getting me any." She playfully pushed him away and smacked his arm, being pulled back in as they shook with laughter. His hands stayed at her waist and he smiled in his joke, leaning back in to kiss her again. "I'd love to go out." she said, confirming his hopes. "What'd you have in mind?" He rubbed a hand up and down her back, fiddling with the side zipper of her jacket. "Nothing special." he said. "Grab some dinner at the diner…maybe take a walk." She raised an eyebrow at his plan, rubbing his neck with one of her palms. "Very fancy." she stated, letting her hand run down his chest. He nodded and felt her pull away.

"Alright…I'll be right back." she said, letting go of him and turning again. Ryan stood and watched as she exited their room, letting his hands slip into his back pockets. He half smiled as the door closed, somewhat excited for their night out, even in its simplicity. They had done that so many times before, but now even just being together was seen as something special. He glanced at the door for a few more seconds, rubbing his neck with one of his hands and turning to the wall again. He picked up his stuff, tossing his wet motel towels to the side and folding their beach towels, stacking them together. He got the rest of their things and slipped a few dollars into the envelope for the maid, pre-thanking her for fixing up the bed and rewashing the towels he'd used. He plopped down on the bed and exhaled, thinking to himself and reaching into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. He flipped it open and pressed the send button twice, lifting it to his ear and awaiting response from the other end.

"Hey, it's Ryan." he said, looking down at the carpet. "Hey, man." Seth uttered on the line. He leaned against the kitchen counter, phone held in one hand, the other scratching his hair. "So…" he said after a long pause. He grinned to himself and nodded on the phone for a moment, both boys feeling awkward. Ryan knew Seth would probably ask a million questions. 'What happened? Did you talk? Did anything happen?' Seth didn't want to burst out in blatant nosiness, so he just clenched his teeth and continued to nod. "Uh…what's up?" Ryan rolled his eyes, picturing Seth's restraint. "I was just wondering if you could pick us up." Ryan explained. "It's a long walk back to the Robert's and then I'd have to walk back there and…can you just come?" He paused, hoping Seth would oblige to his request. "Sure, man." Seth said, standing up straight and only letting his hand rest on the island. Ryan smirked and looked toward the door. "And uh…I'll fill you in on the ride home." he said shutting his phone. Seth was left on the other line, smiling to himself as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys.

Placing everything on the table next to the door, Ryan scanned the room one last time before opening the door and stepping outside. He saw Marissa a few yards away, looking down at the sidewalk as she walked toward him. He leaned back inside to collect their things, balancing it in one hand and shutting the door behind him. Marissa met him and gave him a nod, telling him they were all set. She offered to help him in carrying, but he declined, seeing as how it was only their stuff from the beach the previous day. "Seth said he'd come and get us." Ryan said, walking with her down the sidewalk and around to the main parking lot. They found a bench amongst the plants and sat down, Ryan letting their things rest on his lap. She leaned into him and he swung over and arm to rest against her shoulder. His hand moved up and down her arm, and they silently sat as the wind blew their hair.

Seth pulled in after a few minutes, stopping in front of the couple with windows rolled down. His gave them a smile and wave, looking at them through large sunglasses. The both stood up, Ryan throwing their things in the trunk. He and Marissa took the back seat while Seth sat up front by himself. "Thanks for coming…" Marissa said, reaching for her seat belt. Seth looked at her through the rearview mirror, tilting his head down so she could see his eyes over the glasses. He gave a nod and pulled out of the parking lot, back onto the main roads of Newport. "So, how was your night?" Seth said, he voice nasally and drawn out for better prying emphasis. "It was good." Ryan said. "It was nice." Marissa followed; both of them smiling at each other as Seth hung his head. "Thanks…for doing this for us." Ryan said after a blip of silence. Seth turned the wheel and sped up into traffic. "No problem, you guys." he said, ducking his head to see the color of a light. They drove silently for a few minutes, Ryan and Marissa sneaking glances, similar to the drive back from the airport with Kirsten. Seth pulled into the semi-circular driveway of the Roberts mansion, stopping on the bottom stairs to let Ryan and Marissa out.

"Hey, Marissa." Seth called. "Tell Summer to call me back. She's probably still sleeping or something." Marissa smiled and nodded at Seth through the open trunk, taking things Ryan handed her. He closed the trunk and followed behind her, up the concrete stairs to the front door. She opened it with ease, letting her stuff rest on the tiled floor before turning back to Ryan. "So I'll uh…pick you up at 7?" he asked, awaiting time approval. "Seven is good." she said with a nod. She slipped her hands into her back pockets, staring at him as he awkwardly looked back. He leaned in for a second, but then looked to the side, down at Seth who turned his head in an instant, pretending to be interested in the freshly lain mulch. Ryan sighed and quickly whipped a hand behind her head, giving her a kiss and making his way back down the stairs. Marissa watched him go, pushing the door open again and walking inside.

Ryan and Seth pulled out of the driveway, Ryan now sitting in the front seat next to his driver. He sat back and looked out the window, watching scenery pass and enjoying the fact that Seth was squirming beside him. "So uh…" Seth said clearing his throat. He cracked a small smile. "So all of those googley eyes and that little kiss up there…was that my doing?" Ryan smile and sighed, patting Seth's arm and looking straight ahead at the road. "Oh, you know it buddy." Seth grinned, proud of himself and Summer's work. "So what happened? Are you guys officially back in action or…doing the whole 'Friends with Benefits' thing?" Ryan ran his tongue over his teeth, furrowing his eyebrows at Seth's question. "Uh…well nothing like that happened." he said, shifting in his seat. "But uh, something's in progress I guess." Seth tapped the steering wheel and turned onto another road. "Things are good though." Ryan added. "For the first time in while, ya know?" Seth nodded and gave Ryan's shoulder a pat in return. "Right there with you."

Ryan's smile faded, thinking to himself about what he'd just said. Things _were _good for the most part, but the traces of his reoccurring dreams still lingered in his head. He could sense awkward moments he and Marissa had shared that morning, knowing perfectly well that it was because of him. This wasn't normal. People just don't dream about their girlfriends dying…at least not more than once or with such intensity. He rested his head on his palm and got deeper in thought. Stopping the car in the Cohen driveway, Seth unbuckled his seat belt and took the keys out of the ignition, opening his door and stepping out onto the driveway. He closed his door again and looked through the window at Ryan, who hadn't moved a single muscle. He still sat in the car, chin on palm, staring into nothingness. Seth whistled and patted the rubber where the window had folded. "Ryan? Dude, we're home." Ryan looked up in surprise, unbuckling his seat belt and getting out on the opposite side. The boys met at the front of the car, walking behind the house and toward the pool house. "You alright, man?" Seth asked as they reached the patio.

Ryan shrugged and walked up the stairs. "I'm fine…I just…" he paused and looked around, stopping at the door to let Seth go in ahead of him. He swung it around and shut it, standing in front of the door. "I don't know what to do, Seth." he said, leaning back against the glass. Seth sat down in a chair a few feet away and crossed his legs. "With what? What's wrong?" he asked, putting a finger to his mouth. Ryan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I've been having these weird dreams lately…nightmares, I guess." Seth tapped a finger on his temple. "Okay…about?" Ryan shook his head and walked to his bed, sitting down on the edge to face Seth. "I-I keep seeing me and Marissa in the middle of the road. I don't know where we are, but she's laying there in my arms." Seth furrowed his eyebrows and nodded, trying to picture Ryan's story in his own head. "Okay, I'm guessing this isn't a good dream." Ryan looked down at the carpet and fiddled with his fingers. "I don't know what it is." he admitted. "It keeps coming back…and every time it goes further and it's more intense than the one before."

"Is she…" Seth muttered after a thoughtful quiet. "Yeah." Ryan answered, sorrow in his voice. "I see myself looking at her, and I just keep saying no." He licked his lips and kept staring at the carpet, letting his eyes close and letting visions of the scene flash through his mind. "And I'm standing there, watching all of it happen, and she tells me that I'm the only one who can stop it. I'm the only one that can save her." He lifted a hand to his face and rubbed his eyes roughly. "Huh." Seth said, stumped at its meaning. "Well have you talked to Marissa about it?" Ryan opened his eyes and let out a sigh. "She just told me not to worry…that dreams don't mean anything and it's just me worrying about her." He shook his head and met Seth's face. "I just don't think it would come back the way it has if that were true." Seth uncrossed his legs and sat up straighter in the chair. "I think Marissa kinda has a point." he said, leaning forward. "You have every right to be freaked out…but I don't think you should look so much into it. It probably doesn't mean anything."

Ryan nodded, feeling a little better, but still hating the fact that the word probably was used. _'Only you can save me, Ryan.' _What did that even mean? Save you from what or from who? The visions he saw were all up in the air. How could he save her if he didn't know how it happened? How could he prevent such a thing? He didn't even know if this was in the _near_ future. It could have been years from now. He'd have to worry about it every day until clues pieced together. Ryan felt the rumbled floor as Seth got up from the chair. "Alright well, maybe you just need some things to take your mind off it." He said, strolling to the door. "A little Seth/Ryan time, perhaps? I got some new games for the 360." Ryan smiled at his proposition but shook his head in quiet decline. "I can't. I got a date with Marissa at 7."

Seth raised his eyebrows and gave Ryan an impressed nod. "Allriiighhht." he chimed, sideways to the bed. "You kids don't stay out too late, now." he said, turning fully. "We won't." Ryan said. "And Seth?" He turned to look back at Ryan, letting his hand rest on the door knob. "Could you maybe not tell Summer about the whole dream thing?" Seth nodded, and swung the door open. "Sure, man." he said, swinging the door open and stepping out onto the patio. "Promise?" Ryan called, leaning his head up to see Seth. He poked his head back in through the crease between the wall and door.

"Promise."


	43. A Mother and Boyfriend Talk

I'm pretty upset I got no reviews for my last chapter…but here I come with another new one. Please review guys. It makes me happy.

**Chapter Forty-Three: A Mother/Boyfriend Talk**

Marissa shut the Robert's front door and leaned back against it, a giddy smile fanned across her face as she looked down at the white tiled floor. She took a deep breath and held it for a second, tension building in her chest before releasing it out slowly. She bit her lip, trying to retain all traces of excitement for her date later that night. She had to remain calm and casual, and not trip over herself going to talk to Summer. She bent to pick up her dirty beach things again, and made her way up the staircase.

She walked down the carpeted hallway, stopping at her bedroom door and pushing it open. The door swung to the wall, the room dark with blinded windows. Her bed was made, the perfect place to toss everything down on before plopping down on it herself. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, closing her eyes for a moment in imaginative contentment. A date with Ryan. It seems like they hadn't had a date in forever. Not a real one…alone. They were either fighting, distant and weird, or with Seth and Summer. Now they could finally have a night to themselves.

Marissa opened her eyes, sitting up and aimlessly looking around the room, thinking of what she could wear. Nothing fancy, as Ryan had said and she had mocked, but still cute in the simplest way she could be. That was just something she always had loved about Ryan. He didn't care about what she wore, or how she looked. He just took pleasure in her company, and thought she was beautiful regardless of any flaw. Ryan was always the easiest to impress, and yet he was the one she tried her hardest with, caring about what he'd think of her for obvious reasons.

She sighed and thought of him, pursing her lips and still feeling his linger. She looked over her shoulder, seeing the door that joined her and Summer's rooms together. With a sudden jolt, she stood up from the bed and moseyed across the room, opening that door and entering the joining bathroom. Summer's door was slightly ajar, inviting Marissa to move closer. She gave a knock, calling out her name and awaiting Summer's call in return. "Hey Coop." she heard in the distance of the other side.

Marissa swung the door open and stepped onto Summer's carpet, her eyes finding her friend who sat far at her desk. Summer's foot was planted high up on the near bed post, a nail polish brush covered in pink swiping across her biggest toe. Summer looked up, seeing Marissa enter her room and walk toward her. She let her foot drop to the floor, and spun in her chair, letting Marissa pass and sit opposite her on the bed. "Be with you in one minute…" Summer said, spinning again and resting her foot on the top of the desk. She blew across her toes and replaced the brush inside the nail polish bottle, swiveling her chair to face Marissa.

"Okay…" she said, voice calm. "Tell me everything! Did you guys do it!?" Marissa smiled at her friend's excitement, looking down at her lap. Summer shifted in her seat and slid her hands under her thighs, leaning forward in sheer anticipation. "Nothing happened…" Marissa informed, tiny smile still on her face. Summer scrunched her eyebrows, confused and let down. "Nothing?" she asked, sadness evident. "No sex? No-no cuddling? No kisses!?" She leaned back in her seat, mouth gaping open with an unexpected disappointment. Marissa raised her eyebrows, surprised with Summer's blatant misfortune at the fact that she and Ryan hadn't gotten it on at the Mermaid. "No, there was some of that…" she said, planting her hands and pushing back on the comforter so her feet dangled off. She looked down at her legs, a mischievous grin egging on Summer more. "Well…are you guys together now?" Marissa really didn't know how to answer that question without spilling to Summer that they were basically together even before her and Seth's plan. "I guess so." she said. "I mean, we talked a little and we kissed so…I would think so." Little white lies wouldn't hurt, right?

"So, what now? Summer asked, curious as to what they thought about their newfound relationship and what was to come. Marissa shrugged, scrunching the pink silk of Summer's comforter between her fingers. "I have a date with him tonight." she replied, a smile once again curling. Summer broke into a smile too, seeing her friend in such giddiness. Finally, something, or someone really, had given Marissa happiness in the past few weeks. Without Ryan, she truly was just a mess. Her life just didn't work without him. "This is good, isn't it?" Summer asked, eyes squinted and head slightly tilted with a cute sort of hope. "Yeah." Marissa said. "It's good…"

_A little while later..._

Ryan pulled up to the Robert's front stairs, both hands gripping the Range Rover steering wheel. He ducked is head past the top of the car window, letting his eyes find a little room toward the roof of the house. He sighed to himself, knowing she was up there, awaiting his arrival. He shut the car off and let the key chain dangle from his finger before cupping them completely in his palm. He looked up into the rear view mirror, flattening his hair, still wet from a shower, off to one side. He swallowed, reached for the door's handle and got out of the car. Hurriedly, he strolled up the concrete steps that led to the doorway, extending his pointer finger to press on the bell. He could see the empty foyer through the glass, brightly lit with the overhanging chandelier.

Julie appeared in the hallway, carrying a stack of unopened mail. Her eyes were glued to an envelope as she walked, not looking up to see her visitor. She reached the door knob and finally met Ryan's eyes. "Oh…hi Ryan." she greeted, voice freakishly inviting. "Hey." he replied, his hands in his coat pockets. Julie looked behind her and up toward the upstairs landing, seeing the hallway dark and motionless. She turned her attention back to Ryan, who looked at her uneasily, anticipating Marissa's presence only to thwart his and Julie's interaction. "Are you here for Marissa?" she asked, assuming he'd be there for no other reason. "Uh, yeah. I was supposed to pick her up at 7:00." he informed, lifting his arm and pushing back his sleeve to reveal the face of his digital watch. "…but I guess I'm a little early, so I can just wait out here until she's ready."

He took a step back from the door and let his arm return to his side, quickly slipping both hands into his coat pockets again. "Don't be silly, Ryan." Julie said, opening to door wider. "Come inside." Ryan hesitated slightly but walked forward, walking in passed Julie who shut the door behind them. She slapped the mail onto a small side table against the wall of the foyer, making her way to the landing of the stairs. She gripped the banister and put a foot to the first step. "Hey, Marissa?" she called, echoing throughout the large spaces of the halls. "Ryan's here..." Feet were heard stomping from upstairs, undoubtedly Summer and Marissa hurrying to make finishing touches. "Be right there!" her muffled voice yelled back down.

Julie nodded and turned to Ryan, releasing the thin wooden bar and walking back to where he stood. "I'm sure she'll only be a minute." Ryan raised his eyebrows in recognition, looking at Julie for only a second before moving his eyes to the floor. His thumbs fiddled with the material of his jacket as he rocked back and forth of his heels. "While you're waiting do you want something to drink or…something? Julie asked, pointing behind her and toward the kitchen. "Oh, no I'm fine." Ryan said shaking his head. "Thanks…though." he added with an awkward smile. Silence filled the room again as they both stood there, secretly wishing Marissa was ready.

"So…how are you?" Julie asked, trying to make random conversation. "How are…things?" Ryan furrowed his brow and looked to the side, silently wondering to himself why Julie was suddenly being so nice to him, especially without a motive behind it. "I'm – I'm fine." he answered, confusion evident in tone. "Things…things are good." Julie held her breath for a moment and then proceeded. "Alright well, it's good that you're here 'cause I actually wanted to talk to you about something." Ryan knew something had to be up. 'Okay, now we're talking'. Here it comes…' he thought. Julie sighed and looked somewhat pensive, not really knowing where to start. "These past few weeks, as you know, have been pretty crazy." she said. Ryan nodded and urged her to keep going.

"And I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye in the past…but right now I really need your help." Ryan curled his lips together and shook his head, unsure of what she was talking about. "With what?" he asked. Julie paused again and swallowed the annoying feeling that told her to stop talking. "You make my daughter happy, Ryan." she said, admitting that to him and ultimately to herself. "I see the way she is with you and how the world seems to fall apart when you're not around." Ryan nodded with her, but still didn't understand what she was getting at. "I need you to keep her away from this Volchok kid…" she continued. "That guy will only 'cause trouble for everyone unless you're there." Ryan knew very well that Julie was right. Their past run-ins with the guy were evidence enough to see that he was bad news.

"You should have seen her when she finally came home." Julie said, thinking back to that day. "I'd never seen her that way before…and I really don't want to ever again." Ryan stood wondering to himself what had actually gone on between Marissa and Volchok that week they were missing in action. It sickened him to think about his grimy hands upon her skin, touching her in any way. Not to mention his connection to people in the illegal substance sort of way. What kind of alcohol had she drunk? No doubt, he did drugs. Did she do them with him?

Julie met his eyes again and bit her lip. "She needs you, Ryan." She said looking him square in his baby blues. A lighter smile started to form on her face as she looked into the opposite room, now trying to avoid any sort of eye contact between them. "And in some twisted way…" she said. "I guess you guys are pretty good together." Ryan grinned and quietly chuckled, surprised with Julie's words but feeling oddly good about himself. "Thanks." he said, looking up and still seeing no sign of her. "Don't screw this up, Ryan." Julie said, nodding in finish. He nodded too and took a step back. "I'll try not to."

A door opened above them and broke their gaze. Julie moved toward the door to see over the banister and she and Ryan stood below as Marissa and Summer made their way down the hall. Ryan's stomach flopped in sight of her, a half smile planted goofily across his face. She made her way down the curling staircase, her height and perfect frame seemingly gliding down each step. She wore a simple pair of fitted jeans, slits cut at the knee and opposite thigh. On top, she wore a cute and fancy blouse that hung loosely from her shoulders. Her hair was mostly tied up, strands of blonde encircling her face and neck. Summer walked behind her, leaving a fair amount of space so the attention was fully on Marissa, not that it wouldn't be anyway. They reached the bottom and formed a circle in the foyer.

"You look beautiful, sweetie." Julie said, flashing Marissa a warm smile. Ryan stepped toward her, still awestruck at how little it took for her to be absolutely breathtaking. "Yeah, you look great." he agreed, standing before her. "Thanks." she said, looking him over. "Hey Atwood." Summer said, smiling widely in a cheesy excitement. Ryan gave her a nod a placed his hands in his pant pockets. They all stood, eventually turning to look at Julie. "I guess I'll just leave you guys alone." she said, getting a hint that that was her cue. "Have fun…and don't be back too late." Marissa nodded and gave her mom a wave as she disappeared into the kitchen. Ryan let a hand graze Marissa's bare forearm. "You ready?" She nodded and walked toward the door, Ryan following close behind. "See you later, Sum." Summer gave her a small wink and a wave to Ryan as they both walked out on the stoop.

The night air swept across them as they walked down a few stairs. Ryan stopped at the first landing and turned to face her. "Hi" he said, planting his hands on her waist. The hem of her shirt left an inch of exposed skin between the band of her jeans, which Ryan's fingers gently touched as he smiled. "Hi" she replied, leaning in to give him a proper hello. She rested a hand on his neck, pulling him close for a kiss. Squeals from inside pulled them apart, and they both looked toward the door as Summer ran away embarrassed. They both laughed and shook their heads, before turning back to each other, faces only a few inches apart. "We're gonna have fun tonight, huh?" she asked, pecking him again. He nodded and licked the gloss of his lips. "Oh yeah…"


	44. Let's Dance in Style

**Chapter Forty-Four: Let's Dance in Style, Let's Dance for a While**

"I'm sorry I left you with my mom…" Marissa said as she opened the passenger door of the Range Rover. Ryan got in and shoved the key into the ignition as she closed the door beside him. "No, it's okay." he said, resting in his seat, elbow hanging lazily off the center console. "She was actually…nice." Marissa's eyes bugged as she thought about the idea of her mother being nice, especially to Ryan. They had been enemies from day one. "I know…" Ryan said in reaction to her complete bewilderment. "I was surprised too." Marissa let out a short laugh and shook her head, leaning back into the seat and looking ahead through the windshield. She sighed to herself, all feelings of contentment coursing through her entire body.

He started the car and pulled slowly out of the driveway, his hand falling to the edge of her seat. She sat as he drove, looking out the window as scenery passed. Ryan let his left hand do the steering, his other hand finding her cold fingers and entwining them together. She looked down at their hands as he held hers tightly, half smiling to herself at the feeling. His rough hands were warm and inviting and her grin grew wider as he let his thumb run gently across the back of her palm. Settling back into her seat, she let their hands hang off to the side, turning back to the window. The ocean moved along with the car, waves in the distance glistening with the setting sun. They drove along the pier, watching boys playing football on the beach or skateboarding along the sidewalk. Her eyes followed the stretches of sand, widening momentarily.

Marissa turned suddenly, letting go of his hand and looking through the back window as the view of the diner passed. "Whoa…where are you going?" she asked, looking at Ryan and then back to the diner. He smiled and shrugged taking her hand again. "I had a better idea…" She scrunched her eyes but grinned with him, resting back in her seat, eyes transfixed on the open road in front of her. He eased the car to a stop, parking in a secluded sand bank amongst the rocks.

"Here we are…" he muttered with a sigh. Shutting the engine and pulling out the key, he glanced over at her, flashing her a half smile before moving to get out of the car. She followed, opening her door and stepping out onto the coldness beneath. "Well this is exciting." she beamed, looking around. He rounded the front grill of the Range Rover and met her at the passenger side, letting a hand find the small of her back to guide her along.

They walked slowly, Ryan leading her across the beach with his hand over her eyes. "Where are we going?" she asked, voice sweet, but nervous with anticipation. He quieted her curiosity, taking her other hand and pulling her along. "I'm peeking…" she said as she teetered with blindness. He chuckled with her, clasping his fingers tightly across her eye sockets. "Nope, none of that." he said, watching her intently to make sure she wasn't.

She sighed and patted the air for his arm, touching his skin and gripping onto him for balance in the rocky sand. Finally, he stopped her in their tracks, holding her waist close to his and switching hands. "Keep them closed…" he said, moving to stand in front of her. "Watch your step." he cautioned, taking both hands in his own and leading her up the white painted wood.

She sensed the familiar footing and smiled, walking in jagged steps so she wouldn't trip and fall. Marissa listened to her surroundings, hearing his footsteps against hollow wood and water off in the distance. She trusted him completely in guiding her, holding his hands tightly until he stopped them again. She heard a creaking and a quiet bang nearby, her grip tightening on his hand as she moved her head with fright. "It's okay." he said. "Sorry, I just…opened the door." He felt her brow furrow under his fingers and leaned back slightly, making sure things were set up perfectly. "Okay…" he whispered, letting his hand fall and reveal the setting.

Her eyes opened after a moment, confirming her suspicions. They stood on the platform of the lifeguard stand, the ramp behind her as she faced him. Ahead, a light glowed from inside, encircling his face as he stood before the door's opening. She grinned and looked into his eyes as he looked away and lifted his arms in a shrug. "Surprise…" he murmured, taking her hands back in his. She exhaled excitedly and licked her lips, waiting for whatever else he had planned.

"Come." he said. "Come see." He backed into the doorway, pulling her with him to stand in the opened room. Candles were strewn upon every open surface, a blanket spread out on the wooden floor. There were several white containers amongst the fabric, take-out bags and plastic silverware placed around the little room. She felt the immanent heat on her face as she stepped fully inside, standing beside the wall by the door.

He looked around, proud of himself and her obvious reaction, still holding her hands as she stepped closer to the blanket. She turned to him, face lit up with the orange glow of candlelight. "You did all this?" she asked, turning to face him fully so they stood belly to belly. He shrugged and half smiled, looking down. "I just figured…we needed something special." She nodded and smiled with him. "We eat at the diner all the time." he continued. "So now…I brought the diner here."

He let a hand point abruptly to the center with all the food, walking away from her to stand atop the flattened cloth. She followed and let herself drop to the ground, folding her legs together and biting her lip as he sat across from her. She looked around nervously. "Can't we get in trouble for this?" she asked, knowing that they weren't really supposed to even sit on the lifeguard stand let alone go inside it. He shrugged, reiterating the thought in his head but not really caring. "It'll be wroth it…" he said. He reached for every styrofoam box, opening the lids and passing some her way. "I hope it's still warm." he stated, touching the top of a burger's bun with his fingertips. "I didn't think it would take so long to get here."

She thanked him, taking her meal and reassuring him that everything was perfect. He went all out…the candles, the burgers…he even got some onion rings on the side because he knew she liked them so much. They ate quietly, sneaking glances here or there like nervous middle schoolers on their first date. Marissa leaned forward over her bent legs, breathing in the warmth of the candles as she chewed her food. Her eyes fell on him as he twisted a French fry between his fingers before dropping it into the container. He swallowed the last bit of his burger and pushed his scraps away, sighing and patting his stomach, now full of greasy goodness. She reached for a napkin, dabbing crumbs away from her mouth before letting it fall back onto the floor.

She met Ryan's eyes once again, feeling her body instantly tighten as he peered back at her. "Done?" he asked, glancing down to the food with an extended pointer finger. She nodded and piled her garbage, only to be stopped by him. "Whoa…leave it." he said, pulling himself up to brush off his thighs. "I'll get it later. Come on." He took a step toward her and held out his hand, lifting her swiftly from the ground, causing her to stumble into him with a spat of giggles.

He briefly smiled, holding her loosely by the waist, helping her steady. "Come on…' he whispered again, turning away but still tightly holding on to her fingers. He led her back outside, stopping outside the entrance to let her walk out in front of him. He let his hand rest on the small of her back, leading her back down the wooden ramp and onto the sand. "What are we doing now?" she asked, a curious grin spreading across her mouth. He let go of her, walking past the ramp and further down near the base of the lifeguard stand's structure.

He squatted down amongst the sand and reached for something below, revealing another folded blanket and a large portable boom box. "And now…we dance." he said, returning to a standing position to set the box down on the floor where they usually sat. He tossed the blanket away to the side, moving his attention back to the boom box. Fiddling with buttons, he turned up the volume as chords of slow music drifted through each speaker. She watched him from her spot on the sand, eyes soft and admirable, thinking about how this night couldn't get anymore perfect.

"Ryan Atwood doesn't dance…" she stated, raising her eyebrows to him questioningly. He let his hand fall from the stereo and made his way toward her, kicking sand with his booted feet. "No, he does." he disagreed, taking her hand to twirl her on her heel. She spun around and met his body, resting into him as he started to sway gently to the melody. "He just needs the right partner." His thumb ran across the back of her hand, his other palm resting softly at her waist. She smiled with his comment and moved closer into his chest, lifting her arms to tie gently around his shoulders.

He tightened his grip around her just as she did, burying his face in the hair around her neck. She closed her eyes with a content sigh, feeling more at ease than she had in a long time. The two fell into more of a hugging position, Ryan's hands both planted firmly on her back, holding her close to him as they danced in the moonlight and dim glow of the candles. He only pulled back slightly when the song ended and changed to a new one, equally slow and soft as the previous.

"So…" he muttered, lifting his head to look at her again. Her eyes moved over his face as he slowly led her in a circle of dance routine. "I guess there must be some kind of carbon monoxide leak in your mother's room…" he said, immediately breaking into a grin with his sarcasm. She laughed for a moment, sliding her right hand from his shoulder up to his hair and down to his cheek. "It took three years…" she stated, eyes still glued to his. "Reason to celebrate, huh?" He chuckled and nodded, looking down to their feet and pulling her back into him again. Ryan let out a deep breath and tilted his head to kiss her temple, nuzzling into her hair. "I guess she just finally got it." she continued, pursing her lips together and fiddling with a loose string on the shoulder of his jacket. "Maybe she just saw what I've been seeing all along…"

He spotted them while making his usual drug run on the pier. A mere glance toward the strange glow on the sand soon took his full attention. He stopped his walk along the cement and wooden flooring, leaning and squinting over the metal rails to try and see more fully.

She stood aside as he held one end of a blanket and let it blow out into the night breeze, flattening it naturally onto the surface of the beach. He used his feet to pull out any wrinkled sides, letting her move in to sit only when satisfied. He stepped onto the blanket first, bending his knees and using his left palm to steady himself as he fell onto his bottom. She followed right behind, settling between his separated legs to lean against his chest.

He watched them sitting together, definitely not in a "just friends" sort of way. She bent her legs up, snuggling close to him, almost huddled for protection against the cold night air. He hooked his hands together around her entire body, holding her in her spherical shape. His chin rested on the top of her head, and they sort of rocked and swayed back and forth, undoubtedly locked in random conversation.

Taking his eyes away from them, he walked back across the pier, moving down the ramps of wood to get below onto the patch of beach that the ocean met with tide. He stood against the damp beams that made the structure of the pier and docks, closer now, and in almost hearing distance although still out of view.

Marissa closed her eyes as the breeze touched and blew against them, burying her face in the warmth of his arm. Ryan rubbed a hand over hers, holding it for a moment to warm it with contact. He leaned over her a bit, pulling up the remainder of the surrounding blanket around her legs. "Thanks." she whispered, welcoming his gesture. They sat quietly for a few moments, looking up at the stars and dark waves of the ocean. The crashing water was their only real audible noise, aside from a neighboring beach party in the distance.

"Thank you for tonight, Ryan." she said, turning to look at him as he looked down at her. She touched his shoulder absentmindedly, looking down at her hand and then back into his eyes. "I really needed a night out like this." He shined a small, but toothy grin and continued to rub his hand up and down her back and side. "Yeah, I hope we can do it again." he agreed, thinking in the back of his mind. "That is…if we can." he continued. "If there are no major traumas, or deaths, or crazy teenage boys who fall in love with you within the next few months…maybe we can sneak in a night like this again." He chuckled as he spoke, and she smiled and laughed with him, also seeing the serious pattern they had created throughout years of relationship.

"Yeah, 'cause things always go so smooth when we're together." she said, smile fading as his dark blue eyes intently stared. His smile still remained as he lifted a hand to move up against her frozen cheek. His fingers ran across her skin, the pointer finally resting on the bridge of her chin, pulling her face up to his own. Their eyes slowly fell closed as their lips came together. She turned slightly more so she wouldn't strain her neck, moving her hand to his collar, pulling him in closer as they softly kissed. Ryan soon got more and more into it, clutching her tightly and leaning his whole body forward to capture her lips over and over again.

A loud bang broke them apart, snapping their eyes open and in the direction of the crash to the left. Marissa squinted her eyes and smacked her lips together, now pink and raw with the mixture of saliva and cold air. "What was that?" she whispered, leaning into Ryan like a nervous puppy. "I don't know." he said, tilting his head to see if there was anything beyond the rocks. "It was probably some drift wood knocking the pier columns." He looked back at her, obviously not worrying about it, but she still stared toward the bottom of the pier, only looking back at Ryan when she felt his lips on the side of her forehead.

"It's getting chilly." he said, looking up toward the sky. "We should probably head back." She nodded and moved off of him, pushing the blanket down and letting him help her get to her feet. All the while, she sneaked glances back toward the rocks. "Why don't you go clean up inside…I got everything out here." she said, releasing his hand and giving him an awkward smile. He nodded and walked backwards, finally turning to walk up the lifeguard stand and go inside the small room where the candles and take-out still lied on the floor.

Marissa stood where he left her, keeping an eye on the lifeguard stand to make sure Ryan wasn't looking. Her eyes moved back to the shadows, the weird feeling she had secretly felt all night reaching its climax. Taking one last glance toward the door, she took off down the beach, hurriedly walking on the damp sand that grew harder and stiffer closer to the water. Slowing her pace as she got closer to the dock, her breathing grew heavier with nervousness. She rounded the cliff of rocks and peered over the other corner, seeing nothing but little tide pools with bits of broken log. Sighing to herself, she was glad Ryan was right.

Her hands staid in her pockets as she turned to go back, only to get a bigger surprise than she had expected. He stood in front of her now, leaning against a wall of rock with half a cigarette in his mouth. She stepped back, a shriek of surprise leaving her lips as she realized. He replaced his smoke between two fingers, a laugh escaping his mouth as a think cloud of smoke blew into the air. "That's not funny!" she said, holding a hand to her chest as her heart beat frantically. He still squinted his eyes in her direction, only with a foot or two of separation.

He lifted his arm, letting his elbow rest on his other forearm, holding the cigarette in the air, embers falling at his feet. She swallowed angrily, looking at him with a stern look on her face.

"What are you following me now?"


	45. Takes a Silly Man to Lie About Dreams

**It's been like forever since my last chapter and I apologize thoroughly for that, but here I am with a new one. The show ends tonight!! sniff. But I plan on finishing this story and also writing a sequal...so please stick around!**

**Chapter Forty-Five: God, It Takes a Silly Man to Lie About the Dreams He Has**

"_What, are you following me now?"_

Her eyes were filled with anger and apprehension, glinting in the night air with only the small glow of his cigarette. He stared at her, his eyes dark and beady, piercing through her in the night. "Just a coincidence…" he muttered, his eerie smile appearing as it always did. Marissa clenched her teeth and crossed her arms, keeping her distance from him. They stared back and forth, not moving or speaking, stuck in their opposite places under the pier. He sniffed back the misty fog that loomed around them, blowing rings of smoke through the little corner of his mouth. Her heart raced, looking back to see if Ryan was still occupied and oblivious to their encounter.

"What do you want, Kevin?" she finally asked, this question looming in her mind for days now. "I know this is obviously not coincidental…I've been seeing you everywhere." He stood up straight from his leaning post and flicked away more ashes with his finger nail. "And I've been seeing you…" He raised an eyebrow to her, letting his tongue slide across lips. She grimaced slightly in his direction, already smelling the stale alcohol on his breath. He turned away from her, looking across the stretch of beach to where their blanket rested in a ball. The candle light lessened, Ryan blowing them out as he cleaned up their mess. "You waist no time, huh?" he asked, turning back to Marissa as she looked on with him.

She furrowed her brow and shook her head, leaning away in disgust as a fresh cloud of smoke was blown her way. "What are you talking about?" she replied, swatting the air around her face. "Bitchboy's to your liking… so you come running back whenever he's ready, is that it?" Volchok sneered with every word, inching toward her on the sand. She stepped back, now feeling the mist of tide on the back of her legs. "Ryan has nothing to do with what happened with you and me…" she informed, voice stern even with nerves. "Leave him out of this." Volchok sniffled through the cold breeze. He looked away from her, chuckling. She scoffed, having enough of him, walking forward to pass him and go back to Ryan. He reached out, grabbing her arm and moving in front of her. "Let go of me." she ordered defensively, peeling his hand off.

Ryan spread open the end of a large black garbage bag bending down to discard their scraps of food and empty dinner containers. He stopped for a second, holding still, turning his head to listen. Among the waves, he heard distant voices carry. He dropped the bag and peeked through the door, seeing no sign of Marissa. Little orange embers by the rocks caught his eye, as he leaned out further, seeing she and Volchok talking. Ryan squinted with the distance and tried his best to hear over the crashing ocean. He could tell that she was rather snippy, taking care of herself in what looked like an uncomfortable situation. He tensed as he saw Volchok take her by the arm, but relaxed again to watch as he saw Marissa push him away.

Marissa moved more to the left and took a few steps backward toward the lifeguard stand. She pushed his hand away firmly. "Listen…just leave us alone." she ordered. "Whatever we were is over, okay?" His expression grew serious as he finished off his cigarette and flicked it to the ground to blow out among the sand. "Not to me." he said with a shrug. "You have your fun with me until something better comes along. Just wait…" She grunted at him. "What, are you threatening me?" He smiled again, evilly, taking a step closer to her. "Just watch your back." he whispered, stepping away and walking backwards, staring at her with his toothy smirk. She sighed and glared at him, crossing her arms for warmth with the cold. Chills ran up her spine, his words carrying in her ears.

Noises from inside the lifeguard stand snapped her out of her panicky state, pulling her back into safety with Ryan nearby. He swung the door open, knowing that Volchok had gone, watching the whole scene through the creases of wood. He stepped out onto the ramp, holding the garbage bag in one hand and the blanket he had laid to sit on in the other. Marissa scrambled to pick up the second blanket they had sat on in the sand, trying to fold it as fast as possible so Ryan wouldn't suspect anything. She quickly folded into squares, flabbergasted, before she walked to pick up the boom box they had danced to. "Hey." he called, walking down the ramp, looking away from her and across the beach to see if Volchok was still around. "You okay? I thought I heard voices." She paused for a moment as he reached the bottom, standing before her with a look of curiosity.

"Uh, I'm fine. Yeah." she said, nodding. "Must've just heard the bon fire people down there." She looked into his eyes and swallowed, not wanting him to worry about Volchok. He looked back into hers, knowing it was a lie, but there was obviously a reason for her not to tell him. If there's anything he knew about Marissa, it was that she could hold her own. She fought off Trey once upon a time, right? He slid the thought into the back of his brain, tossing the garbage bag over his shoulder. "Alright, well…you ready to go?" She smiled and nodded again, holding the blanket and boom box firmly in one hand. He jerked his head in the direction of the car, and held out his free arm, inviting her to lean against him. She snuggled into his shoulder, walking with him like nothing had happened. Silently, her eyes moved back to the bottom of the pier, where a new soft orange glow flicked into the wind.

Ryan leaned back against the leather driver's seat, his hands firmly gripping the steering wheel. He wanted so badly to ask about what Volchok had said, but couldn't bring himself to talk to her about it. He had already made it seem like he didn't know what had happened. He would just catch her off guard. And Marissa was probably only scared of the fact that Ryan would most likely go off and settle things without thinking rationally. He'd do something stupid, get hurt in the process, or beat Volchok to the point of near death. Even still, there was an aching feeling. Something that told him things weren't right. The images he'd been seeing…the fact that Volchok was still around, lurking in the shadows. Every ounce of him hated the ground that kid walked on, and if he continued to bother his girlfriend…something had to be done. Right?

They pulled up to the Cohen's, stopping the car and lingering in the front seat. They sat for a moment in silence, before Marissa tilted her head to look at Ryan. He kept his fingers on the steering wheel, looking down to fiddle with the soft leather lining. "Are you okay?" she asked, noticing his odd behavior. He looked up and nodded, opening his door. "I'm fine." he assured. "Promise…come on." She followed suit and got out of the car, going around to the front door. He opened it and let it swing to the opposite wall, standing aside so she could walk in before him. They made their way into the kitchen, where Seth sat leaning against the counter. "Hey man." Ryan called, rounding the corner from the foyer. "Heeeyyy." he chimed, picking up his head from an old X-Men comic book. "How was your night?" he continued to chime in his nasally sing-song voice.

Ryan slightly nodded his head back and forth and gave a half smile. "It was good." he murmured, plopping down on a stool. Marissa stood next to him, her hands resting on the marble counter top. Seth gave a nod to Marissa who smiled back awkwardly, clearing her throat as they all shared the silence. Ryan tilted his head, peering into the dark living room. "Where is everyone?" he asked, turning back to Seth. Seth exhaled a sigh and leaned against the small wooden back of his stool. "My parents went to see a movie…and Summer left about 45 minutes ago to hang out with her dad. I guess he got a night off from the hospital and they're spending some quality time." Ryan and Marissa nodded at the newfound information. "I'm the only loser home tonight." Seth continued. "Just like old times."

Marissa smiled momentarily as Ryan patted Seth's arm. "Well, you're welcome to hang with us, man." he offered, looking at Marissa for approval. She raised her eyebrows and nodded, figuring she and Ryan would have ended up just hanging out anyway. "Sure…" she said with a shrug. "Seth, why don't you go pick a movie?" Seth's face lit up as he nodded and got up from his seat. He smiled to himself and passed them around the island, walking into the hallway and up the stairs to his room so he could pick something to watch. Ryan and Marisa were left in silence, side by side, resting against the kitchen counter. Marissa glanced to her right, looking at Ryan as he looked downward. She put a hand to his shoulder, pushing him back and swiveling him around in his white, wooden chair.

He smiled as they locked eyes, pulling her into the space between his bent legs. He intertwined his fingers around her waist as she ran her hands over his hair. "Thank you for tonight, Ryan." she murmured, holding his face between her hands. He leaned forward, pulling her closer. "I told you we'd have fun." Ryan rubbed up and down her back. "Yeah, you did." she agreed, her voice now just above a seductive whisper. "But I think there's more fun to be had." She smiled goofily at him, twisting her body around so she could somewhat sit on his lap. "Really?" he questioned, leaning his face against hers. He held her to his body shaking his head from side to side, nuzzling her nose. "Mhmm…" They grinned happily together, finally letting their lips touch, combining in a kiss.

Her feet were lifted off the ground as he leaned backward, squeezing her tightly as he kissed her. She kept a hand on his face, gently clutching his cheek, pulling him in for one after another. Footsteps were heard approaching in the hallway, pulling them apart. Marissa rolled down Ryan's legs again to stand in her previous place, clearing her throat and smacking her lips together to lessen the mess of lip gloss. Seth came whistling into the kitchen, holding two DVDs against his chest. "Alright…" he said with a smile, holding out one of the movies. "I got the equivalent of amazing Japanese cinema, not my favorite but we can work with this – awesome special effects and English subtitles."

Ryan and Marissa grimaced but both looked forward to their second option. "And...The Goonies." Seth continued. "I know you guys have already seen it, but a classic like this you can never tire from." The couple sighed and looked at each other. Marissa tilted her head with a wince, and Ryan shot up from his seat giving her arm a rub. "Be right back, then." he announced, shaking his head at Seth with a laugh. "Oh, come on…" Seth whined as Ryan passed. "They're good movies!" Ryan continued to chuckle to himself as he made his way upstairs to pick a normal movie. "Fine." Seth said. "You two just don't know a good movie when you see one."

Marissa took Ryan's seat, giving Seth an apologetic look as he strolled back to the counter. He flopped back down in front of his comic book, sliding the DVDs to the center of the marble surface. He glanced down at the crinkled thin pages of the book before flipping it closed. "So…" he said, looking up to her. "Ryan seems really happy." Marissa also looked down at the counter, nodding silently with a smirk. "It's good." Seth said. "At least his dreams aren't coming between you. He's been really freaked out." Marissa snapped her head up, furrowing her eyebrows at him. "W-What do you mean…dreams?" Seth leaned in against the counter. "You know…the ones of you and the car crash…he's holding you in the middle of the road and the ghost you tells him he's the only one that can save you." Marissa nodded but continued to wonder. "Yeah, but…he only had that one, right? He said he'd stopped."

Seth paused, realizing he had basically just ruined the good streak the two of them had going. "W-Well yeah…no, yeah…he did." he stuttered. "I was just throwing that out there." Marissa crossed her arms and leaned back angrily against the back of her chair, biting her lip in a huff. Ryan reappeared in the room, holding a stack of new movies. "Okay, I got a few of the old ones we haven't seen in a while, some new releases I wanted to see but didn't…and I also grabbed this one just because I know you like it." he explained, holding up The Notebook. Marissa looked over her shoulder and weakly acknowledged his presence, too confused and upset to smile at the cute gesture. She swiveled in the chair and got to her feet. Ryan moved forward and rested the stack of DVDs on the counter. He looked at Seth who was giving sad and apologetic eyes before turning back to Marissa.

"What?" he asked, trying to read her face. "What's wrong?" Marissa swallowed a huge lump in her throat, and motioned toward the back doors. "Can I talk to you for a second?" Ryan paused and looked at Seth again, now getting somewhat nervous about what just happened while he was upstairs. "Uh, sure…yeah." he said, walking behind her. He rounded the counter, giving Seth a stern look before following her onto the patio and swinging the door closed, rattling the china in the kitchen cabinets and making Seth's heart jump. His shoulders tensed and he clenched his jaw, looking out the glass doors as Ryan and Marissa disappeared into the darkness. "MMM, this isn't good." he said.

Marissa opened the door to the pool house, walking inside even though it was completely pitch black. Ryan stepped in a moment later, patting the wall and flipping on the light switch. The room was illuminated dimly with the long, swiveled light Ryan kept by the doors. He turned away from her and leaned for the door knob again, turning back as it swung shut. Marissa kept her back to him, arms crossed once more. She only turned to him once she heard the door click shut. "What's wrong, Marissa?" he said again as their eyes met. She stared at him, shaking her head.

"You lied to me…"

**Please review! I'm starting the next chapter right now so hopefully it will be done sooner than this one. Enjoy the finale tonight. We had years of great memories. **


	46. It Takes One to Know One

**Chapter Forty-Six: Liar …It Takes One to Know One**

"_You lied to me…"_

Ryan's mouth fell open as his eyes went to the corner of his room. He stood still, thinking, before turning back to her again. "About what, exactly?" he questioned, still bum struck at her accusation. "You told me that you weren't having those weird dreams anymore." she explained. "You've been lying to me this whole time." Ryan closed his eyes and sighed, shaking his head and looking behind him. He stared through the glass into the Cohen's kitchen, where Seth still sat with his back to them. "Damn it, Seth." he whispered, again turning back to his angry girlfriend. "It's not Seth's fault." she said. "He actually told me the truth." Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again with a loss of words. "I don't know what to say." he admitted, holding his hands up with defeat.

She took a step closer to him, her expression calming with each second second. She exhaled slowly, running a hand over her hair. "Why didn't you just tell me?" she asked, her voice now much softer and more understanding. "I thought that we promised each other with this new relationship we would be honest." Now she was only contradicting herself, unaware that Ryan knew she was lying too. "Yeah, so did I." he said, anger building with the fact that he was getting grilled for something she had done less than a half hour before. "Don't put this on me." he continued, walking passed her. "You've been lying too." Her own anger suppressed completely. She knew what he meant, figuring anyway that Ryan had heard her yelling at Kevin on the beach. "What are you talking about?" she said anyway, making a 180 degree turn to look at him. He clenched his jaw and inhaled. His voice was calm, surprising both of them. "I saw you…when I was inside…talking to Volchok on the beach."

She knew he had heard. She wasn't exactly quiet when she had ripped Volchok a new one. "That was nothing." she slurred, not looking at him, knowing her eyes would give her away. "I just love how you come in here and grill me for lying to protect you, when you're behind my back talking to that…GUY!" Ryan turned away from her, running a hand over the back of his neck before turning back. Her eyes darted through the room, trying to find an excuse or way to explain herself without it sounding like bull. "You were doing the same thing not even a half hour ago!" Ryan went on, making her even more nervous.

Marissa's shoulders sank. She continued her search for words. "I know what you're thinking." she stuttered. "But-" He turned around, red in the face. "Do you!?" he yelled, interrupting. "Do you know, Marissa!?" She held her breath, stepping backwards in reaction to his fit of rage. "You…you don't know anything." he said, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the bed. "You don't know how I think or how I feel, do you?" He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He moved a hand up to his mouth to wipe away the saliva that had escaped while he yelled. He stood still finally, exhaling loudly. "Marissa…" he huffed. "You know that I don't like the guy, okay? That, you know." She nodded silently. "But you- you don't know that these dreams I'm having are scaring the living hell out of me." he continued. "I mean…" He raised his hands from his sides and shook his head, sitting down on the futon below.

He rested his forehead in his palms, letting one hand run though his hair while the other fell to his lap. Marissa stood in the same square of carpet before inching toward her fuming boyfriend. "Ryan…" she choked out, still fearful of another outburst. "Look, I- Ryan, it's not what you think, really." She tiptoed closer so she could sit at his side. "I heard you talking to him, Marissa." he said, now sounding more hurt than angry. "Yeah, and if you were listening I think you could tell my words weren't all that friendly." she defended. "How do you think you heard in the first place? I was yelling at him."

"Even so…" Ryan went on. "I don't like when he's around you. I've seen guys like him. He's dangerous. Whatever you said tonight…he could have hurt you." Marissa touched his hand. "You were there." she said. "I wasn't scare to tell him off because in the back of my mind I kind of knew you were listening." Ryan slid his hand away, staring at his feet. "I didn't hear what you said. You were too far away." Marissa sighed, frustrated by the fact that he seemed so hurt. "I told him to leave us alone." she explained. "I think he's been following us. I could have sworn I saw him in the window of the diner when I got breakfast for us at the hotel." Ryan closed his eyes, shaking his head. "He really needs a hobby, huh?"

Marissa half smiled at his comment, but it soon faded. She stared at him as he continued to stare at the ground. "I'm still not understanding why you're so upset about this." she said. "I know you want to protect me and you want me to stay away from him…but you should be happy about what happened earlier. I told him to stay away. I told him whatever there was between us was over and that I was with you now." She paused to see if he reacted. He stayed silent, staring. She wondered if he was even listening. "I-I don't understand." she said, getting up. "I guess I'll just go then." She started walking toward the door. Ryan snapped out of it. "No, Marissa, stop." he said, getting up after her. "Stop." he repeated quietly. He held her by the waist, hoping to turn her around.

"Ouch." she blurted, wriggling from his grip. "Ow." His hands slid from her sides. "What happened?" he said, nervous. "Did I hurt you?" Marissa closed her eyes, lightly smiling as she gently patted her side. "No, no Ryan, it's okay." she said, shaking her head. He looked at her face and then to her hands. "Then what is it?" he questioned, trying to push her hands away. "Nothing." she reassured. He wrestled her hands aside and lifted the bottom of her shirt. He bent to look closer. His hands traced a series of small bruises. His breathing quickened. "He did hurt you, didn't he?" he said, standing fully erect again. "I'll kill him." Ryan said, trying to move passed her and out the door. She grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him back into place.

"Ryan, he didn't touch me, okay? I promise." she said. He looked confused again. "But then how did you get these?" He pulled her shirt aside once more. She held it up so he could observe. Again, he traced them with one hand. The bruises were small, almost round shaped, placed in a crooked row. The tips of his fingers went over them. They matched up together perfectly. "Ryan, come on." Marissa said, trying to push his hands away. Ryan paused in realization. "It was me, wasn't it?" he whispered. Marissa remained silent. He got to his feet, eyes wide. He stepped away from her, running a hand over his mouth. "Ryan, I'm okay." Marissa said, walking to him. "It's not a big deal so don't worry about it." Ryan didn't look at her. He thought back to their hotel room. He had fallen asleep with her in his arms. The nightmare that night was one of the worst. He couldn't have known he was gripping her so hard. He was unconscious. It just surprised him that it didn't wake _her_. "I hurt you, Marissa." he murmured. "This is a huge deal."

Marissa exhaled and licked her lips, resting her hands on his shoulders. "Hey…" she said. "I know you didn't do this on purpose." She tilted her head down, trying to make him look her in the eye. "I'm not mad about how the bruises got there. I'm mad about why." He looked at her briefly, but his eyes met the carpet again as he shook his head away. She sighed in frustration. They both became completely silent. Marissa grew irritated again waiting for him to say something. Anything. She was giving him free rain. But he stood like a brick wall. She crossed her arms in front of her. "You don't want to talk to me? That's fine." She moved passed him to get her jacket off the bed. "But you created this problem, Ryan. I wasn't mad at you at all until now." She gave him one last chance, but it was for nothing. She crossed the room and was out the door, slamming it hard before huffing away.

It wasn't until Marissa hit the driveway that she realized Ryan had driven her there. She didn't have a car to escape home in. Her whole body drooped and she raised her head to the stars, sighing loudly. She couldn't go back in there to ask for a ride after yelling like a crazy person. He probably wouldn't give her one anyway. She pulled the hanging sides of her jacket closer, shivering momentarily in the cold night air. Marissa strolled back onto the patio, pausing slightly to think before she made her next move. She walked up to the door, and stared through the glass at the boy inside before walking in.

"Hey Seth." she greeted to his back. He swiveled in his chair and met her eye-line as she walked back to her place against the counter, where she had stood earlier. "Hey…Marissa." Seth answered, somewhat reluctantly. "What's up?" He gulped nervously, glancing behind him to see if Ryan were anywhere in sight. He expected him to be, but exhaled a sigh of relief when all he saw was the dark patio. He turned his attention back to the girl to his left. "I was actually wondering if maybe you could give me a ride home." she said, softening her eyes. "I don't have a car here." Seth furrowed his eyebrows. "But…isn't Ryan gonna take you?" Marissa glanced back out the glass window, but there was still no movement from the pool house.

"No, he's…a little preoccupied." she said almost robotically, her eyes narrowing with the thought of him just standing there. Seth looked down at the last page of his comic book. He smiled as the story concluded, closed the booklet, and flipped it upside right. "Okay, let me just get my keys." Seth rose from the chair and walked away into the living room. He slipped on his sneakers and snatched the Range Rover keys off the hall's desk. Marissa followed him silently, taking one last look at the pool house, before leaving the kitchen and whole house all together.

Ryan watched her leave. He would run after her, but his feet just wouldn't move. They were imaginarily glued to the floor. There's nothing he could say now anyway. His chance had come and gone. And he needed time to think over exactly what he would say so he wouldn't sound like a rambling idiot. But if there was something that everyone knew about Ryan…it was that he was horrible with words. He mentally kicked himself for making her leave angry. Their date had been so perfect…one of the best they had had in a very long time. But his stubbornness and misunderstanding got in the way of a perfect ending. He stood there until his legs and feet had fallen asleep. How could he make her not mad at him anymore? What could he say to make it better?

Seth and Marissa didn't talk very much on the way to the house until Seth was stopped at an intersection. He clutched the wheel with both hands and turned to Marissa, waiting for the light to turn green. "I, uh…I'm sorry for making you guys fight." he said, genuinely in the Seth Cohen way. "I honestly thought you knew about…everything." Marissa smiled at Seth's apology and stared downward at the dashboard. She paused for a second, thinking about the whole situation in her head. "I'm not mad at you, Seth." she murmured. "You just assumed he would tell me because I'm his girlfriend…and the subject of the dreams for that matter." The light changed, and Seth push pressure on the pedal again. He turned the wheel and cruised down another street.

"I don't want you to be mad at Ryan though." he said. Marissa shrugged lazily and looked out the window as scenery passed. "I really wasn't mad about that." she replied. "I mean, I _was_ because he told me that he wasn't having those nightmares anymore…but I know that he only did because he thought I would be upset over them." Seth nodded, now only driving with one hand. "He did." he said. "But I think it was also because _he_ was ultimately upset about them." Marissa looked at him, now more interested in what he had to say. "When he told me about them he was pretty freaked out. I don't think I've ever seen him like that before." Marissa looked down at her hands, now feeling somewhat guilty for getting mad and giving up so quickly. But those feelings of guilt were shadowed by her own frustration.

"But that's the thing with Ryan that I don't understand." she confessed. "He'll confide in you on absolutely every subject…but when I want to talk about something and work stuff out he just stays completely silent or pushes me away. Why is he so much more comfortable with you, than with me?" She leaned back into the seat as they pulled into the Roberts' driveway. Seth brought the car to a stop in front of the stairs leading to the front door. He put the car in park and turned to her again. "I think it's because…Ryan's not in love with me." He shifted in his seat, trying to think of any sound advice that would possibly make things better. "Ryan is like a brother to me…and I don't know if he feels the same way about me, but I like to think that when he tells me these things, it's because he trusts me." Marissa nodded, but still had other questions. "But he doesn't trust me?"

"No, of course he does." Seth affirmed. "But in a different way…you should see him when you're not around. You're all he talks about. And I'm sure you take up the majority of his brain waves." Marissa weakly smiled. "I think in this particular situation, Ryan is just scared of losing you." She thought about that statement, but still, nothing really made sense. "But I'm not going anywhere." she said. "These dreams…they're just dreams…he's not predicting the future or anything." Seth shrugged. "I think maybe just the thought of losing you like that is scaring him enough." He looked up at the house and his eyes focused on one of the lit windows. "I know if I ever had dreams of Summer like that, I'd be pretty shaken up, too."

The car grew silent again, aside from the light purring of the engine. Marissa sat in place, taking in Seth's philosophies. She looked up at him and gave him another weak smile. "I should get inside." she said, opening the door. She stepped out onto the concrete, closing the door but standing there to talk to Seth through the open window. "Thanks for the ride." Seth nodded and put the car in drive again. "Say goodnight to Summer for me." Marissa nodded, her smile remaining. "I will." She stayed by the car door. "And Seth…thanks. You really opened my eyes." Seth gained his own boyish smirk and batted a hand at Marissa. "Hey, it's what I'm here for." They waved each other off and Seth drove away, leaving her alone outside.

She lingered there, in front of the stairs, listening to the quiet chirp of crickets among the bushes. The Range Rover's brake lights escaped from view as Seth drove further away. Marissa didn't know what to do now. She didn't want to call Ryan and talk over the phone. That seemed a little impersonal. She'd just have to talk to him at school. Maybe slip away during lunch. She rubbed a hand over her eyes, trying to rid herself of the bad portion of her night with Ryan. He had been so romantic and sweet and gentle…and then she had to blow a gasket and turn the mood around. She knew she _did_ kind of handle things the wrong way, especially concerning Volchok, but she just didn't know any other way of dealing with such matters.

The front door opened behind her and Summer emerged wearing her pajamas. Her hair was tied up in a pony tail and was held in place with a stretchy head band. "Hey Coop." she greeted, shutting the door behind her. She walked down a few steps, then sat down, rubbing her arms. "How was your date?" Marissa sighed and walked up the stairs to sit next to Summer. "Parts of it were great." she answered, fiddling with her finger nails. Summer looked up to the street. "What happened?" Marissa's head tilted away from her as she bit her lip. "We had a fight." Summer bottom lip curled upward with the news, seeing her friend get obviously disheartened. "About what?" she asked. Marissa leaned her head against her palm. "It's a long story."

Summer patted Marissa's knee. Marissa patted her hand in response. "Seth brought me home." she said. "He told me to tell you he said goodnight." Summer nodded and smiled. The girls looked ahead again, staring at the remaining stairs below them. "I never realized how sensitive Seth was." Marissa said, looking back at Summer. Summer chuckled quietly. "Sensitive? Cohen?...My boyfriend, Seth Cohen? Sensitive?" Marissa laughed with her, but confirmed the fact. "I was surprised too. But he gave me some good advice." Summer's laughter eased and she stood up from the stairs, holding her hand out for Marissa. "Come on." she mumbled. "Let's go to bed. You can sort out everything with Ryan tomorrow." Marissa took her hand and got up, walking with her inside.

She had changed into pajamas, brushed her hair and teeth, and was now lying on her back in bed, staring at the ceiling. She wondered exactly what Ryan had been seeing. How violent and devastating were his nightmares that he was so scared of them or what message they sent out. Was it all just psychological fear? Did Ryan think she was going to leave him? She now second guessed what she had told Seth in the car. Was Ryan subconsciously predicting what would happen to her? After what happened with Volchok…maybe it made sense in some distorted way. Maybe Volchok really had a plan to hurt them one way or another. Maybe Ryan only lied to protect her.


	47. Apologies and Invites

**Chapter Forty-Seven: Apologies and Invites**

Seth stood at the kitchen counter, staring down at his coffee mug. He took a quick swig and stared around the room as he swallowed the burning liquid. The house was completely silent, and if he hadn't passed his parents room and heard them snoring on the way down the stairs, he would think the house was completely empty, too. He inhaled deeply, swishing his tongue around and trying to get rid of the unpleasant mixed taste of caffeine and morning breathe. He slunk down into one of the stools surrounding the island, twisting his body back and forth so the swivel chair swung with him. He pouted his lips and made noise with his mouth, bopping back and forth like an extremely bored elementary schooler. His fingers tapped the marble surface of the counter, and he began to make an off beat tempo with his mouth and hands.

"Seth, what are you doing, son?" Sandy asked, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He had his normal shirt and tie on, with the morning newspaper under his arm. Seth was startled by his sudden presence and stopped his one man band act. "Uh, nothing." he said, swiveling naturally toward his father. He crossed his hands and put on an embarrassed smile. Sandy crossed the kitchen, walking passed his son to pour himself a cup of coffee. Seth watched him, then looked back toward the kitchen's entrance. "Where's mom?" he asked, realizing his parents hadn't come down together as usual. "Still in bed." Sandy answered, taking a sip of his black drink. "I have to get to the office early today…so I should probably get going soon." He patted Seth on the back and rounded the island, suddenly feeling the same overwhelming silence Seth had felt before.

"Where's Ryan?" Seth's face tightened in anguish at the question. Sandy sighed and tossed the newspaper onto the top in front of him, leaning over it with his hands. "What did you do now?" he asked. Seth let his hands rest on his lap, his fingers intertwined. "I kind of told Marissa something Ryan didn't want her to know." Seth sunk back into his seat, crossing his arms in preparation for a lecture. "Well, your mouth always did bring out the worst in you." Sandy said with a shake of his head. Seth nodded, mimicking his father. "I don't know what to do…I don't want Ryan to be mad at me." Sandy turned toward the back door, looking at the pool house through the glass. He saw no movement and turned back to Seth. "Did you talk to him about it?" Seth shook his head no. "Well then how do you know he'll be mad?" Seth sat up for further emphasis.

"Dad, it's Ryan." he pointed out. "I made Marissa storm out on him after their first real date being back together …trust me, he's mad." Seth sat, stirring in regret. "I don't know what to do." He looked down at his hands, pondering all possible ways to grovel for forgiveness. "Talk to him." Sandy ordered. "Tell him you're sorry and stupid and you didn't mean to cause any trouble." Seth wasn't enthused. "We'll see how well that works out." he said, his natural sarcasm engulfing the statement. Sandy lifted his wrist, checking the time on his Rolex. "I gotta go…look, it's worth a try. I'll see you tonight. You better get moving for school, too." Seth acknowledged his father's last words, watching him hurry out the front door. He stayed put momentarily, dreading the upcoming encounter with the current pool house occupant.

He finally built up enough courage to get out of his seat and walk to the back doors. He stood watching the pool house, thinking up every horrible way the next few minutes of his life could go. He finally opened one of the doors and moseyed excruciatingly slowly to the steps of the pool house. He paused a few inches away, feeling his heart beat quicken. Ryan had been mad before, but Seth had really screwed up this time. Seth hated when people were mad at him, and to have his best friend furious wouldn't be the best of sights. He gently knocked and waited to here Ryan's yell to go away, but he heard nothing. After a second knock and another round of silence, Seth opened the door, peeking his head in to see if Ryan was inside. The room was empty.

"Greeaat." Seth mumbled to himself, stepping all the way in. With Ryan nowhere in sight, he sighed loudly and looked around. The bathroom door opened. Ryan walked out, fully dressed, rubbing his wet head with a towel. Seth was momentarily startled, and his nerves returned with the sudden appearance. "Oh, good, you're here." he stuttered, clapping his hands together firmly. Ryan furrowed his eyebrows and nodded, giving his hair one last rub before tossing the towel onto his bed. Seth took a step forward. "Alright, look man." he started. "I'm really, really sorry about what happened last night. It's just that you were upstairs and Marissa was there and that just seemed like a good topic to converse about and-"

"Seth, it's okay." Ryan interrupted. Seth paused in surprise. "Wait, you're not mad?" Ryan shook his head and walked down the few stairs to the main floor. "I was, but you're not the one I should be mad at." he said. "You didn't know that I hadn't told her about my dreams, and it was me who screwed up." Seth smiled and sighed with relief. Ryan shoved a text book into his backpack and zipped it up. "I'm sure it would have come up sooner or later…so at least you got her mad at me sooner." he finished. Seth got out of Ryan's way so he could pass and pick up the button down shirt off the chair to their side. He swung it around himself, pulling his arms through the sleeves. "I think I have a way to get you out of the dog house." Seth propositioned. Ryan's eyes grew bright as he finished the last few buttons, leaving the top of his wife beater showing.

"Prom is coming up." Seth said. "Plan a big romantic gesture, apologize, and ask her to go." Ryan walked passed Seth again and stopped in front of the small mirror by the doors to straighten out his hair. "I thought the big romantic gesture was your thing." he said, using his fingers as a comb. Seth crossed his arms and tilt head nodded, in his mind thinking of how slick he was when it came to public apologies. "I'll let you carry the trend." Ryan finished up. "I don't think so. I'll just talk to her at school. There are other ways to apologize than standing on top of some kind of food cart and belting out to the whole school how sorry you are and how much you love a girl." He grabbed his book bag and gave Seth a look before walking out the door. "Hey, my tactics are golden!" he confirmed following behind.

"Come on, Coop!" Summer yelled as they walked up the stairs of Harbor High School. "Senior Prom is going to be awesome!" Marissa looked down at her feet, absent mindedly listening to her friend's excited blabber. Summer continued to rattle Marissa's ear off as they entered the halls of the school. "I don't know, Sum." Marissa grumbled. "I was all excited for prom, but now…I'm not so sure. I probably won't even have a date." They stopped at Marissa's locker, and she let out a sigh as she fiddled with the combination. Summer gawked at her. "You honestly think because of what happened Ryan won't ask you to prom?" Marissa shrugged as she pulled her locker door open and pushed it again the other closed ones. "You should have seen his face." she said, taking a few books out of her bag and resting them inside.

"Marissa, I already told you that everything is gonna be fine." Summer insisted. "I promise you…you two will work this out, have hot make-up sex, and then the four of us will have a kick ass prom night." Marissa's mouth dropped open, then morphed into a smile as she playfully swatted at Summer's arm. Summer laughed. "You see?" she said. "You're already feeling better." In the corner of her eye, Marissa saw the boys walking up the stairs of the school. "Not for long." she said, hiding her face behind her locker door. Summer tugged at her elbow as they approached. Marissa reappeared as they formed a circle. "Hey guys." Summer greeted. Ryan and Marissa both looked down awkwardly. Seth said good morning and they all grew silent, looking back and forth from one to the other. Summer's eyes darted from Ryan and Marissa and then landed on Seth. "Come on, Cohen. Walk me to Bio." she said, figuring ordering Seth to leave would give Ryan and Marissa some alone time. She linked there arms together and gave a wave. "See ya later, Coop."

Before Marissa could object Seth and Summer had walked away leaving her alone with Ryan. She finally met his eyes as he took a step closer. "Hi." he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Hi." she said back. Ryan leaned against the wall and motioned to say something, but his words were cut off by the sound of the bell. They both let out frustrated sighs. Marissa grabbed a pen out of her locker before slamming it shut. "We'll talk later?" she asked, waiting for his nod before hurrying away in the opposite direction. He watched her disappear around a corridor, then turned to get to his own first period. He would have to wait until lunch to get out what he had to say.

When fourth period finally let out, Ryan shuffled his way to the quad, stopping at his locker to trade text books. He walked around the front of the school, seeing if Marissa had the same idea he had, but when she was nowhere to be found he walked around back to the lunch tables. He didn't see her standing in any food line and pushed his way through the cliques of students until he spotted her at a table with Summer. He stood watching her from afar. She seemed so down in the dumps. Ryan wanted nothing more than to see her smile again. He'd have to find some magic to work. He approached the table and rested his hand atop the metal surface. "Hey." he said, breaking their quiet conversation. The girls looked up. He looked at Marissa. "Will you take a walk with me?" Marissa nodded, leaving Summer as Seth set down a tray of food and handed her a salad. They watched Ryan and Marissa walk off toward the parking lot.

The noise lessoned a few octaves as they slowly strolled down the stairs toward Ryan's car. "I figured this would be easier if it was quiet." he said, giving her a nervous smile. She nodded in agreement. He opened the passenger door for her and let her settle in while he rounded into the driver's. The seats were especially warm in the morning sun. Ryan shifted in his seat to face her better. He took a deep breath, searching for words. "Look Marissa…I don't know how to explain to you how sorry I am." he started. "But…like I told you…I just got scared. I didn't know what I was seeing meant and I let my conscience get the better of me." Marissa listened intently, appreciating his words and being somewhat impressed. In all the time they had dated she had never heard him confess something so honestly.

"I don't want you to ever think that you can't talk to me." she said, looking into his sad blue eyes. "I don't think that." he said. He played with her hands, intertwining their fingers and sliding them up and down. "In this situation…I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want to tell you and have you freak out and be nervous with me. I just figured that if anything were to really happen…I would know how to stop it…and I could save you." He looked down as his hand remained still. She held it with both of hers. "You don't have to save me, Ryan." she whispered. "You only have to be with me…be _there_ for me…isn't that what you want?" He nodded and rubbed her palm with his thumb. "Of course it is."

"Then stop fighting this." she pleaded. "Stop worrying. You'll only make yourself wonder if what you see in your dreams means more than what it looks like." He grew frustrated. "I can't just sit here…and not wonder, Marissa." he said, breaking their contact. "You know me better than that." He sat up, beginning to speak with his hands. "I always- I always have to fix things. I always have to be there when you're in trouble." He sighed in defeat, but kept searching for words to throw emphasis on his point. "I just…I don't want to see you get hurt. I mean…what if-"

"What if?" she mimicked, interrupting. "That's just it, Ryan. Every single day of our lives is what if. That's what life is about." He sat back, relaxing to listen to what she had to say. "What if I win the lottery today? Or what if I get hit by a bus on the way to school?" she continued. "That's just life. It's about taking chances and waiting for things to happen. You walk outside…do you go left or go right? You can take one step closer to your destiny or one step further away. Nobody wakes up in the morning knowing exactly what's going to happen." She took his hand again, pausing to finish her inspiring monologue. "Your job is not to save the world, Ryan." He looked up at her again. "It's to be eighteen years old…and be with me." Her hand went up his forearm and back down again to touch his fingers. "Stop worrying." she whispered. "The world will find a way to fix itself. You'll see." She gave him a half smile that he returned reluctantly.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." he said, whole heartedly. "But I don't know…you really can't expect me to suddenly be fine with this." She shook her head and leaned closer to him. "I don't expect that at all." she defended. "I just don't want this to come between us…and make you keep things from me anymore." She tilted her head to lean against the head rest. They gave each other puppy dog eyes. Ryan glanced out the glass of the windshield, a brightly colored banner catching his field of vision. "Alright, I'll tell you what…" he spoke, turning back to her again. "I will be completely honest…from this day forward…about everything…dreams or no dreams…if you agree to go to prom with me." He flashed her a half smile and held a hand out to her like a perfect gentleman.

Her eyes brightened with the invitation. "Really?" she asked, not yet getting her hopes up with the knowledge of Ryan's past prom escapes. He put his hand down and straightened himself out in the seat. "Hey, if you don't want to go…" She urged to grab his hand back. "No!" she almost yelled. "No, no I, um, I'd love…to go to prom with you." She smiled widely at him as he leaned into her. He put a palm to her cheek, pulling her into a delicate kiss. Her hands found his face, too, as they made up in the front seat of the Range Rover. Ryan pulled away, opening his door. "We should get back before lunch ends." he said, pointing toward the back of the cafeteria. "All of this mushiness makes me hungry." Marissa followed suit, getting out of the car and walking with Ryan back toward the school. She clutched his arm, then slid her hand down to his, gripping it softly.

Seth and Summer sat at the table, leaned back in their chairs with rolled up napkins strewn around their food. They both looked up as Ryan and Marissa walked toward them. Summer gave Marissa a grin, seeing her hand wrapped inside Ryan's. Marissa let go and went to see by Summer again. "Hey man." Ryan said in Seth's direction. "Come get food with me." Seth gave Summer's hand a squeeze before getting up from his seat to follow Ryan. Seth waited to speak until the girls were out of hearing range. He looked back at the table where the girls staring to laugh and talk. "So, uh, is everything good now?" he asked. Ryan nodded, picking up an empty tray. "Everything's fine." Ryan replied. "We talked and we're fine." Seth grabbed Ryan's arm, hanging from it like a monkey. "Brrr, it suddenly got cold out here." he gasped. Ryan shook Seth off him.

"What are you talking about?" Seth shrugged as they stopped in the food line. "Hell has frozen over." he informed. "You and Marissa actually talked about your feelings." Ryan rolled his eyes and pretended to laugh. "Yeah, that's…that's really funny." Seth nodded and patted himself on the shoulder. "I really thought it was." They moved forward in the line. Seth looked back at the girls. "So what now?" he asked on a more serious note, wondering if Ryan and Marissa had really gotten some closure on the dream issue. Ryan looked at Marissa sitting at the table, then back at Seth with wondering eyes. "We have to make plans fro prom night."

Please review guys! I get more encouraged to write when I get feedback.


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